Grandpa Bernie Sanders Still Wants To Be President

Grandpa Bernie Sanders Still Wants To Be President

Grandpa Bernie Sanders Still Wants To Be President

It’s official – Senator Bernie Sanders swears he is the only candidate who can defeat Donald Trump, so he’s running for president.

Yes, out of a huge field of Democrat candidates, Bernie Sanders, at age 77, can take down Trump.

Oh, and Bernie is 77 years old right NOW. By the time the 2020 election rolls around, he would actually be 79. Because nothing represents today’s Democrat Party like an elderly white man who sounds like he’s yelling at the kids to get off his lawn.

Or the guy who honeymooned in the Soviet Union. Why doesn’t the left care about THAT type of Russian influence?? (That was rhetorical, don’t worry.)

Even in a crowded Democrat field, Bernie is still a standout. Here’s how he’s going to influence the primary – and who really hates his guts right about now.

1) Elizabeth Warren’s campaign, already looking bad, is now done with Bernie Sanders running. Warren was counting on being THE hard-left candidate. Bernie goes even further left simply by dint of being a socialist. Combine that with Warren’s arrow in the foot over her claims of Native American ancestry, and she is finished.

2) The Hillary Clinton camp is bitter. Seriously. Bitter.

Hillary cannot escape the perception/reality that she rigged the primary, and then lost to Donald Trump. Her camp still can’t cope with that loss. The idea that Bernie Sanders gets to jump back in is driving them absolutely bonkers. So, come on, Hillary! Why let Bernie have all the fun? Run again!

3) Kamala Harris, Cory Booker, et al, now have a serious problem with “how far left do we go?” With Bernie in the race, who has no qualms about saying crazy things about “Medicare for all” and the like because he IS a socialist, these candidates now have to decide how far left THEY will go and pander. Someone like Klobuchar, who despite her proclivity for throwing things, is not bothered by Bernie Sanders because she’s positioning herself as a center-left candidate. Nearly every other declared candidate was already to her left. Bernie throws off the scales. Kamala in her sequin jacket and Spartacus are probably pretty annoyed right now at Grandpa Socialist.

The Democrat primary – remember, the first debates are only four months away! – is now a war of attrition. Bernie Sanders doesn’t have to win. He has to outlast. It’s like running away from a bear. You don’t have to be the fastest – you just have to be faster than the other guy so he gets eaten first. This primary is going to be complete pander-monium. We’ll have to see how well Bernie plays the game against younger, more “intersectional,” and more telegenic candidates than he faced last time.

Featured image: Original Victory Girls art by Darleen Click

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  • Cameron says:

    I have said this before and it bears repeating. If Bernie had run against Trump, the election would have been a lot closer. And now that we have the Free Shit Army entrenched in the House, it could get even worse.

  • h says:

    lmfao get madder boomer

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