Dear Woke Left,

Thank you so much for pointing out that we are racists. Honestly, we don’t know if we could have done this without you.

Truthfully, we had NO IDEA that checking “Republican” as our party of choice was a racist move. Wow. So much power in one decision, I tell you. We have been peacefully oblivious in our own little bubbles here on this planet wrecking it with our cars, our toxic fumes, flying those airplanes, reveling in our corporate greed and the American dream. I guess one can only stick their heads in the sand for so long.

We had no inkling while understanding the plight of some ethnic groups in our country that not recognizing minorities as minorities and just citizens of our great country and fellow Americans, is wrong and racist. Treating Americans as equals is a terrible mistake. Thank you all so much for pointing that out to us; that we need to treat “minorities” as minorities. What a concept-one that was so lost the likes of us.

And speaking of fellow Americans, we are aware recently that you pointed out the new rules for becoming an American citizen. We had no clue that rules did not matter in these times that we live in. But we are, of course, racist, and need to work on this. Now we know we need to overlook illegal residents committing crimes, killing unassuming Americans. We need to see past the families who dump their kids in the middle of the desert and hop the fence and expect free resources from our homeland and asylum from God only knows what. We need to turn the other cheek and explain to our neighbors who are working hard and trying to become legal citizens through the proper channels that people who don’t follow the proper protocol and enter this country are also entitled to all the benefits of living here.

Thank you for clarifying to us that ALL humans are entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness no matter HOW they get here. Except if they are unborn. We also had no idea that not wanting to kill innocent children was racist. Nevermind the eugenics that surrounded this concept back in its heyday, we, as a collective group, are now attempting to ruin the livelihood of many “independent” women (who are also clumped in with “minorities”) by challenging them to making sound, independent, GROWN UP, discriminating decisions (oops-caught me, I said “discriminate”) about WHO they sleep with and the consequences attached to a few moments of carnal satisfaction. And speaking of poor, innocent babes, we had not an iota that gender reveals are racist, social constructs. That male parts are not necessarily “male parts” and that female parts are not necessarily “female parts”. Forgive us for the improper use of gender pronouns, the colors pink and blue and not understanding that there are a multitude of different genders that should be celebrated at our babies’ (that are not just clumps of cells) parties. We missed that re-write chapter in our science books. Apparently, men do have periods but again, some of us have (according to you) never stuck our head in a science book and have thumped on our Bibles from day one.

Speaking of the Bible, thank you all for pointing out that we cling to our religion. Having Faith in God is so….ugh…racist. Especially that Christian God. Allah god, Buddha god, Hindu god, good. But that Jesus Christ is one racist you-know-what. And all of us who love Jesus? Well, we’re all racist, too. We even took some minorities with us and “brainwashed” them to be on Team Jesus. To give kids Christian faith in our world is racism-especially when our politicians, educators and our intellectual entertainers are trying so valiantly to break them of this “bigotry” and open their minds.

While we cling to our Bibles and Christ, we also cling to our guns, racists that we are. It is racist to keep a firearm in our home and want to defend ourselves against some thug who breaks in. It is racist to call someone a thug. It is racist to assume that said thug is drugged-up and looking to steal something for his or her next meth binge. It is racist to think the tent encampment he or she lives in is an eyesore in your community. It is racist to not want heroin addicts or two-bit drug dealers near your kids.

You “woke AF” individuals have every right to cuss us out and call us vulgar names. Let that anger out-all of it. You have been so oppressed for so long. So happy you have awakened to realize the trust funds your parents set up for you have made you part of the privileged. You can pack up your Prius and move out of a neighborhood if it gets too “shady” (shhhhh-but be careful when you say this, it may be “racist”). You can sell your home and buy another. You can recognize your whiteness writes a ticket for you to judge others as “minorities” and point this out at every single turn. You can call other white people names. You’re angry. You’re entitled. You can hate our flag because of the social implications our stars and stripes represent. You can protest its imagery on a freaking sneaker! Meanwhile, you’ll sit out the Pledge of Allegiance because you were told to “question everything”. (Ahem-try that in Iran or North Korea and tell me where that gets you). You stand with and worship one who kneels and will not kneel or stand in reflection, gratitude, love and humility for The One or the ones who stood up for you. We get this now. People who disrespect our colors have a right to be discontent but to call them out on any hypocrisy is…I know…

Racist.

Four years ago, we were once “the party of hate” and are now have evolved-we are just mean-spirited, racist people. Thank you for pointing out our archaic social constructs and our racism. Yes. We are the crude, insulting humans infecting this country and we need to listen to you. We know you all are the intellectually superior because y’all like to tell us on every occasion possible and will continue to do so well beyond 2020. So go on and protest-destroy the property of hard-working American citizens. Get triggered by our flag, stomp on it and burn it in rage. Abort your babies and dub it “healthcare”. Lobby to disarm the population. Insult our God. We know. We’re deplorable racists. Sticks and stones.

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