Want to get out of your home? Good news, now you can but you will not be alone. Enter the social distancing militsiya-err-ambassadors taking to the streets….the ones that aren’t closed that is.

We have Seattle mayor, Jenny Durkan, to thank for this science and logic (cough) of closing 20 miles of roadways in Seattle to automobiles. Why? Because people need to get out and get to work and some may be scared to take the bus. That’s humorous considering businesses are literally closed down and at a standstill and most individuals who are fortunate enough to be working during this time are doing so from home. Durkan social distanced the crap out of these streets. These closures will remain permanent, she says. How long do we give it before tent encampments pop up in these streets now closed to traffic? Only time will tell.

How else does Mayor Durkan plan to combat poor social distancing? Well, take a look at the 60 hired “social distancing ambassadors” whose sole job is to “keep people moving” in city parks. I personally would have loved to see how this would’ve panned out in The Jungle years back.

“Do get out if you need to, but don’t plan on spending the day in a park. Don’t plan on having a picnic or bonfires. Don’t plan on playing volleyball or group activities. Really, the parks are there to keep moving.”-Jenny Durkan

The mayor has offered her blessing for individuals to “get out if they need to”. But keep moving. Don’t bring the lawn chairs. Don’t have a picnic. Nope, not even if you have a social distancing picnic blanket. (Yes, there is such a thing, because stupid people who don’t believe in science like they do can’t figure it out on their own).

Seattle is not the only city deploying these social distancing ambassadors. Mayor Bill DeBlasio will increase his army of ambassadors from 1,000 to 2,300 by next weekend.

More and more the emphasis will be on a communicative encouraging approach through these social distancing ambassadors.” –Bill DeBlasio

Oh, the joy!

On a positive note, I am glad some people are gainfully employed throughout all of this. We will not only see these “ambassadors” in parks and open spaces. Large corporations like Hyatt Hotels, for example, will be deploying the social distancing militsiya to make sure individuals are not congregating too closely. Ironic considering the Governor of Illinois. J.B. Pritzker, heir to the Hyatt fortune, found his state social distancing laws too constrictive for his own family. So much so, he stuck them on a plane to Florida. They will be social distancing at their $12.1 million estate. But don’t ask him any questions about his motives for shipping off his family:

Well, first of all, I want to say that in politics it used to be that we kept our families out of it. My official duties have nothing to do with my family, so I’m just not going to answer that question. It’s inappropriate, and I find it reprehensible honestly that that reporter wrote a story about it.”-J.B. Pritzker

It can be argued that Governor Pritzker kept his family moving...like Mayor Jenny Durkan wants us to keep moving and not lollygag in one (open) space too long, perhaps? Maybe Pritzker wanted to be encouraging to his family and send them to the wide-open spaces of their Florida dacha to improve their overall morale? They can ride out the days of oppression at their equine estate-having servants waiting on them while they stay out of the dirty, oozing, infected politics inflicted upon the rest of the working population who are now unemployed thanks to them. Suckers. The Pritzker family will never have to worry about this. Ever.

While the militsiya wants us to “keep moving”. You know what’s NOT moving? Our economy. And our economy needs to keep moving for the overall morale and dignity of all Americans even though some of them will continue to vote these policymakers into office for them to screw us over time and time again. You know what’s encouraging? Giving people the freedom to do as they please and be grown-ups, allowed to operate their businesses while adhering to social distancing protocol.

So, don’t be surprised at all, no matter the city you are in, if the social distancing militsiya hands you a mask (because you are a fascist for not wearing one), tells you to stand six feet apart from your spouse and offspring and tells you to “keep moving” in a public space. Those sunsets are not for your enjoyment.

Photo Credit: FlickR/Creative Commons/Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Welcome Instapundit Readers!