We’ve all seen the Forest Gump meme that reads “and just like that, COVID-19 went away”. In a seemingly overnight fashion, the social distancing militia went from staying home to taking to the streets to protest and later, riot. Don’t dare question the logic, though:

To defend this logic, The University of Washington penned an open letter on Sunday, stating that protests against systemic racism, which fosters the disproportionate burden of COVID-19 on Black communities and also perpetuates police violence, must be supported”.

“Staying at home, social distancing, and public masking are effective at minimizing the spread of COVID-19”, states the letter. Scrolling down a few lines, this logic contradicts itself in with the following:

This should not be confused with a permissive stance on all gatherings, particularly protests against stay-at-home orders. Those actions not only oppose public health interventions, but are also rooted in white nationalism and run contrary to the respect for Black lives.”-University of Washington, Public Health Open Letter

You see, COVID-19 knows who to target. If that were the case, why weren’t the rioters out in full-force when this pandemic started? According to this, COVID-19 targets black communities which means it is justifiable for a bunch of white, upper-middle-class college kids to clump together in a crowd, go into a predominantly black neighborhood with their signs of protest, yell profanities at the cops (to include black cops) and set things on fire-to include businesses that were once an African-American family’s ticket to economic stability.

Race can affect how difficult it is to get a test, whether drugs and vaccines are designed to work for you, whether health professionals believe and listen to you. Incarceration rates are higher for black people—the virus thrives in prison—as are rates for diseases that in turn exacerbate COVID-19.”-Shannon Palus, Slate

All the more reason white people should gather in the streets in the name of “solidarity”, right? Let’s all go in and infect individuals who have a more of a chance of dying from a pandemic than we do. Privilege much? Take a good look at the color of skin of the majority of rioters in Portland, Oregon.

Seattle mayor, Jenny Durkan, made this astute observation the other day. Most of the rioters causing the trouble were young, white men. Hmm, Jenny. Were they the Trump voters that were out on the lawn in Olympia with their AR-15s protesting Jay Inslee’s ridiculous stay-at-home orders and (gasp) not wearing masks, thus proving to be a hazard to public health and the illiterate, “science deniers” that you all know they are? My guess is these white boys starting fires and hurling bricks in downtown Seattle a few nights ago were not the Trump-voting types. Just throwing that brick out there.

If your head is spinning like Linda Blair’s in The Exorcist, you’re not alone. The logic leaves most rational individuals flummoxed. A few weeks ago, we were going to kill grandma if we were out in public. We were selfish for wanting to patronize a business and needed to check ourselves and our privilege for being entitled, racist, nationalist, American brats and not recognizing the “science” behind power-tripping state governors and city mayors telling us to stay the hell home. Now, it is okay to stand shoulder-to-shoulder at a protest (the science and logic states that the novel coronavirus cannot be spread whilst in close proximity with other strangers) as long as you are wearing a mask and “not singing and shouting”. Bring noisemakers…or something, says NPR.

We have plenty of noise. Fire engines coming to the rescue to put out the burning vehicles. Bricks shattering windows of businesses that are unfortunate casualties in these riots. Media clowns inciting the racial divide. I’m not talking about peaceful protests. I’m talking about the loud noise and chaos drowning out these voices, the peaceful protests and letting the American justice system do its part. Are these lawyers crafting Molotov cocktails and high school kids looting Foot Locker stores going to come back and rebuild these communities they’ve destroyed? Are they looting the stores to give to families who may have lost something in the calamity? WHAT really are they doing to help these communities right now? Will they come back and tend to their disproportionately, disadvantaged Black and Hispanic brothers and sisters when COVID-19 spikes in their neighborhoods? Would they care about grandma then? More logic from our intellectual superiors:

Instead law enforcement is instigating violence that—beyond the direct harm of rubber bullets and tear gas itself—pushes people into close contact and induces coughing. Putting protesters on buses and in jail also increases the risk of spread, notes Appa. That is: Many instances of increased transmission at protests are stemming from racism itself.”-Ayesha Appa, University of California–San Francisco

Law enforcement officers are the blame for these protests. All law enforcement officers, not some token bad examples, are responsible, according to our intellectual superiors. The science and logic now determines that COVID-19 is why people gathering in massive droves to riot. Weird how all of a sudden, this is about more than honoring a man by the name of George Floyd. Don’t spray tear gas and pepper spray at protestors and rioters who get in your face, officers. This may cause people to cough and spread the ‘rona. Don’t put them in jail where the conditions are crowded-they may catch the dreaded COVID. Instead, feed them sandwiches, give them bail money and encourage campfire songs while they light your patrol car up in flames all in the name of pervasive racism. Grandma would certainly approve.

Is it wrong to say that I envy Bob and Doug right about now?

Photo Credit: FlickR/Creative Commons/Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)/Cropped