Cosmopolitan Magazine. In the clutter of articles about the hottest trick in bed to “leave him wanting more”, how the “ditzy ponytail” is THEEE new hairstyle of the season and every other style article that references Kim Kardashian or Kylie Jenner, the mag occasionally tries to have some “depth” and a social conscience. Especially when it comes to spewing the liberal agenda.

Cosmo caught up with Chelsea Clinton in an interview last week. One of the most notable lines of the interview was this:

“I find what Donald Trump — and many of the Republicans, because it’s not only Mr. Trump — say about Americans far more troubling than what he says about my parents. And people have been attacking my parents my whole life, so maybe I am just inured to that, but I tend to think that people who are at the forefront of progress do attract more negative attention from those who want to protect the status quo.”

The forefront of progress? Go on, Chelsea:

“But what I have found surprising and really disturbing in this election cycle is the broad-based misogyny and sexism and racism and Islamophobia and jingoism and homophobia and anti-immigrant rhetoric. All of that is coming out from the Republican side. That somehow has become normalized because it’s now just so common, not only [for] Mr. Trump, but for other candidates to say things that I think are so fundamentally un-American. To call into the question the right of any person who has chosen to come to our country with the intent of working hard and making a contribution and wants a chance at the American Dream, to somehow say that that person disqualifies from being here because of the country they come from, their sexual orientation, or the religion they adhere to — that’s what I find far more troubling, and I find that troubling because that does seem to have become unexceptional in a really perverse way. The hate speech that has somehow become one of the main calling cards of Republicans, I find really, really troubling.”

You can read the whole interview here. While Cosmo’s revenue stream consists of surgically-altered, photo-shopped women, cosmetic companies that I’m sure are doing everything in their power to address climate change (cough, cough), style tips on how to be like Kylie Jenner and Kim Kardashian (so classy) and how to construct the purrrrfect ditzy ponytail (feminism right there, folks), Chelsea is hitting all of the talking points that will make some Cosmo readers actually think they have a brain. The word “progress” was mentioned like, a bazillion times, I remember that much. And let’s look at the other progressive talking points Chelsea brings up, shall we? Republican hate speech. Climate change. Islamophobia. Jingoism. Homophobic and anti-immigrant rhetoric. Sexism. Racism. All of these things that progressives, like the Clinton-clan would like the uninformed voting public to think is singularly a problem within the Republican party.

Indoctrination into the big machine has proven successful for 35 year-old Chelsea Clinton. Of course she would come to the defense of her dad, an adulterer, and her mom, despite any criminal activity. Like a good daughter, I, too would come to the defense of Mummy and Daddy if they gave me a full-time job and were responsible for my $15 million-dollar net worth. A $15 million-dollar net worth allows plenty of opportunity to choose to have a family and exercise those reproductive rights of hers, have a career and pay beyond anyone’s wildest of dreams (while arguing for equal pay for equal work) that allows her to provide all of the creature comforts for that family of hers and to give her children that Ivy League education (that she even believes the “peasants” deserve) to boot. Elitist, much? But of course, the Clintons are all about the “little people”…the lowly…the oppressed of America. And the Republicans? Well, they’re just spewing “hate speech”.

I would like Clinton supporters and Cosmo readers alike to stew on this. I suspect that some brains may explode because the elastic on those “ditzy ponytails” is pulled too tight but here goes:

Chelsea Clinton claims that her motherhood has prompted her to care about “so much more”. This does not make her unlike any other woman who has made the choice to be a mother in America-in the world for that matter. We are not even faulting her for coming to the defense of her parents who provided her with life, privileges and opportunity. As a mom myself, I would venture to say that most mothers tend to develop a keen common sense and passion for what is right after seeing their childrens’ faces (or after hearing those first heartbeats in utero.) Moms are more aware of the world around them and the impact that this world will have on their children. Chelsea Clinton completely skirted around the issues of her father’s indiscretions while he was President of The United States and her mother’s lack of transparency and stewardship as former Secretary of State. Is it truly hate speech to call a man who cheats on his wife multiple times a dog and a philanderer? I think Cosmo would even have advice columns related to this sort of thing telling women to dump the loser! Is it really “hate speech” to state that a woman in a high-ranking, high-profile, high-paid (by the American people) position deserves to be held accountable for lack of compassion over the lives of people serving our country and for violating national security and the values and freedoms we hold dear? Now, in terms of “progress”, Cosmo readers, think about this. Gay marriage has become the law of the land. No one in The United States of America is being thrown off of buildings because of who they love and decide to marry. Those innocent immigrants who want to come to America and work for a better life? No one is disparaging them. In fact, we have two Republican contenders whose families came from these humble beginnings and came to the warm, loving embrace of America. So racism? Anti-immigrant rhetoric? Try again. As far as Islamophobia and misogyny go, think about a “harmless immigrant” attacking you because your skirt from the Kylie Jenner clothing collection was “too short” and you were “asking for it” or because he smelled the perfumed blow-in card from the latest issue on your lap. Oh, yes, and lastly, dear Cosmo readers: if you want your sexual freedom to try out those new handcuffs and can afford the latest in the Louis Vuitton collection and that Chanel lipstick, perhaps you don’t need taxpayer assistance for free abortions and can afford to pick yourself up, drive yourself to your healthcare provider for a birth control pill prescription or some condoms at the drugstore. Buy some “ditzy ponytail” holders while you’re there.