If you didn’t already know, Joe Biden is the king of gaffes and guffaws. In the past several days alone he’s had to double-speak his refusal to testify in the impending Senate impeachment trial, tested his tyrant creds by stating that fossil fuel execs should be jailed (does that include former board members of Burisma?), said he’d consider nominating Barack Obama for Supreme Court Justice, did his best Hillary Clinton impression, and now he’s suggesting utter blasphemy to just about anyone in today’s Democratic Party: he’s open to naming a Republican as his running mate.

Can't believe Biden is telling miners to "learn to code." Please do something, @jack. https://t.co/YoLaDFOfTN

— Siraj Hashmi (@SirajAHashmi) December 30, 2019

via GIPHY

I’ll wait while you finish laughing your bum off.

Ready?

Ok.

https://twitter.com/pattysmith704/status/1211755400426639361?s=20

Gotcha. Someone who thinks like you, and is “on the exact same page.” And good question, smithski.

So this bit of news got me thinking: there’s no requirement that one’s running mate must be from the nominee’s own party. And since Joe is open to having a Republican Veep—but can’t summon names off the top of his fog-filled noggin—I came up with a short list of possibilities and what they’d bring to the ticket, you know, just for a little lighthearted fun on this New Year’s Eve as we head into what promises to be quite possibly the most vicious campaign season in history. Apologies in advance if I insult anyone’s favorite pol:

1. Jeff Flake. Hey, he’s available, and he’s just about as anti-Donald Trump, and pro-D.C. swamp as it gets. He gets along great with Democrats—just ask Brett Kavanaugh—and he’s just as squishy as Joe Biden on, well, everything. He’d be Joe Biden’s Joe Biden: a snowflake from Snowflake. Just image the campaign ads. (And might I add, Mr. Flake: I prefer the Democrat woman who replaced you. She has more political honesty, and cajones, than you’ve ever dreamt of).

   

2. Pierre Delecto, aka Mitt Romney. ‘Ol Mitt has never gotten over the fact that the uncouth Donald Trump won the presidency and he did not. Nor was he handed the SecState job for which he so obviously lusted. Mitt is also simpatico with many on the Left—might I suggest you just go ahead and switch parties, Mitt?—and has shown, like Joe, that he often has the backbone of an ocean-meandering jellyfish. Two peas in the uniparty pod. Just what the DNC ordered.
3. John Kasich: Need I say more? Mr. Kasich has some free time on his hands, is impressed with himself more than just about anyone else, is supportive of impeachment, and he’s equally at home hobnobbing with establishment insiders. He’s the quintessential Joe Biden doppelganger. (Sorry, Ohio!)
4. Rep. Peter King: Joe Biden wants to take our guns. Rep. King—who insists he’s a Republican—hopped aboard the Ban All the “Assault Weapons” Bandwagon (aka: semi-autos that make up most of the guns on today’s markets) and will shortly be submitting his resume as he seeks out other work. So he’s available, Joe. Y’all can go door-to-door together as law-abiding Americans peacefully hand over their handguns and rifles into your watchful arms. (Shh…don’t burst their bubble, America!)
5. And, of course, no list would be complete without Carly Fiorina. Now, once upon a time I made the mistake of thinking she’d make a decent POTUS, not because she’s a woman—which is what Joe would zero-in on—but because she’s mentally tough, she’s pro-life, and she seems to understand that a thriving economy requires low taxes and regs and free markets. And then…she punched her ticket on the Impeachment Train. Anyone who’s as intelligent and wise as she’s claimed to be can see—from 50 paces out and with one good eye—what this hoax really is. But that didn’t stop her from insisting that President Trump is worthy of impeachment and removal from office, without regard to the precedent it would set for the survival of our republic. So while Ms. FioRINO would make an excellent choice as a Biden Veep…girl, you’re dead to me. And not because I’m a Trump cultist, but because I believe in due process, the constitution, and the will of the voters to choose who inhabits our White House, free from partisan witch hunts designed to remove him/her and thwart said peoples’ will.

So, will Joe Biden choose a GOP running mate? Nope. Should Joe Biden even make it through the primaries—and somehow convince the commie-filled Democratic Party that he’s the guy who can beat Donald Trump—he won’t be selecting a Republican running mate, because the kind of running mate he’d need to name to both balance out his (painfully unqualified!) ticket and sway some GOP voters would laugh in his face at the request. Biden is woefully inept—everyone knows it, including the guy who refuses to endorse him—and is doing and saying anything he believes Democrat voters want to hear. And some of them aren’t buying it (pardon the inclusion of Marie HarfBarf; her brief stint with Seth Moulton’s campaign—a  prior Democratic candidate no one had ever heard of—has landed her back at FOX as its head Obama/Biden apologist):

The truth is this: Joe Biden—until his recent retirement from politics, which is where he should have remained—has dwelled in corrupt D.C. politics clear back to the age of blue-green algae. He’s no change agent; he’s the epitome of the status quo. And not one self-respecting Republican/Conservative/Libertarian-leaner I know would ever lend him their vote.

So when Status Quo Joe suggests he’s open to selecting a GOP running mate—should Biden be unable to finish out his term, just imagining said Republican Veep becoming Commander-in-Chief is enough to scare off many Democratic voters—it’s just further desperation from a has-been who’s pissin’ in the political winds and trying to convince voters it’s raining.

Welcome Instapundit readers!

Feature Image Credit: Gage Skidmore via Wikimedia; CC BY-SA 2.0 license; image cropped.