Welcome to just another crazed summer in Seattle, gang. A few days ago, this is what Seattleites experienced downtown on the commute home:

Matt Reynolds of Sammamish was on his way home from work last Thursday when he was stopped at a light in his Tesla. The man you see on the roof of the Honda attacked his Tesla, leaving thousands of dollars in damage.

Thankfully, bystanders stepped in to assist the parking lot attendant who got gouged in the eye with a sunroof that was RIPPED OFF of this Honda and hit on his head multiple times.

The man, identified later as Alexander Ormiston, damaged at least five cars, according to police, faced 4 charges including assault 2, a felony, for allegedly attacking the parking enforcement officer and assault 4 for the attempted strangling of the pedestrian. The best part of this whole story?

Ormiston spent only one day in jail before he was released. One. Day.

The King County Prosecutor’s Office asked for a $100,000 bail but a judge lowered the bail to $50,000. After a family posted the 10 percent bail, the suspect was out.”

Welcome to Seattle. One day in jail, where a JUDGE lowered the bail. Same story, different day. This is a regular occurrence here.

Nothing from our friends at Seattle City Council. You know, the crew who is “leading the way on ensuring Seattle remains a viable, safe, livable, and sustainable city”? But they’re holding their
“Gender Equity, Safe Communities, New Americans, and Education Committee Special Meeting” today for those of you who are interested in the unicorn utopia that is The Emerald City. I wonder if they’ll address crazy street people dumping hot coffee on toddlers as part of the “safe community” piece? They’re probably more likely to address the lone man in the MAGA hat and what to do about “hate crimes” like this.

The crickets are chirping loudly from Mayor Jenny Durkan’s office, too:

The Viaduct: Today here in Pioneer Square, we can see the before and after. What an amazing difference. Thanks to our partners @WSDOT, @BerthaDigsSR99, @WaterfrontSEA, and so many others. Hello, waterfront! pic.twitter.com/yxAjW3DNqG

— Mayor Jenny Durkan (@MayorJenny) July 26, 2019

Nada. There are no pictures of crazed men jumping like gorillas from car to car or drug addicts crapping in the street on Jenny’s Twitter feed, either. Too bad she didn’t take a snapshot of the big trash pile off of Yessler. THAT may have been a more accurate depiction of “progress” with regard to Seattle. Yep, Jenny, the difference is absolutely amazeballs! We love how you all are “leading the way” to making Seattle a “catch and release” city. So much vibrance! So much THRIVING, right, guys? Can’t you just SMELL the cannabis and urine wafting through the tent communities next to the public parks where you take your children? We got rid of plastic straws to save the whale pods, we’ve got major funding attempts to make the commute “cleaner” and more energy-efficient but we also have heroin needles lying in our streets. Meanwhile, the users are free to roam in a drug-induced state, stealing from local businesses (officers’ hands are tied), assaulting and harassing innocent individuals. But progressives running for office in Seattle districts can’t pass up a good joke when they see one:

It is true. Seattle is Dying. That is how we get awesome hair. pic.twitter.com/jcn8qDlzgU

— Melissa Hall (D6 candidate) (@Hall4Six) July 23, 2019

Oh yes, Seattle residents. Don’t forget to vote for your woke-as-a-hot-vente-with-two-shots-of-espresso-soy-at-180 degrees-candidates while drug addicts are fast asleep on the sidewalk. To the rest of you-welcome to the Jet City. Summer in Seattle is grand, isn’t it? We sure know how to party. Hold on to your sunroofs.