If Nancy Pelosi was looking to give the impression that she took impeachment seriously, she would have picked different House impeachment managers. However, we know she isn’t taking it seriously, so we are instead getting a highly partisan slate of actors to present an incredibly flimsy case.

Meet your House impeachment team, same as your committee impeachment team. Nancy Pelosi’s Avengers, assemble!

image via Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s official Twitter account
What, everything about this roster just screams “super serious winners,” right? Let’s have a look at your House Impeachment Managers, led by none other than Adam “Pencil Neck” Schiff!

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA), Lead manager
Schiff has been waiting to lead the charge against Trump forever. He was really thinking he was going to get a gift in the Mueller Report for years, and insisted that the other shoe was going to drop at ANY MINUTE thanks to Robert Mueller. As we all know, it never did. Schiff’s involvement with this entire impeachment process starts with the large amount of circumstantial evidence that his office colluded with the “whistleblower” in order to create a furor over the Ukraine phone call. If the Senate really wanted to, they could call Schiff as a witness. Choosing Schiff as the lead manager signals that Pelosi just does not give a crap about how the prosecution of this trial looks. Schiff wants his moment of glory. Pelosi is going to let him have it.

Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY)
Nadler is being rewarded for pushing the impeachment articles through the House Judiciary Committee. He’s old and Pelosi probably owed him a favor. If he manages to stay awake during any part of the trial that he isn’t directly involved in, it will be quite the accomplishment for the 72 year old congressman.

Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-CA)
Lofgren has been around Congress long enough – both as a staffer and as an elected representative – to have dealt with Nixon’s potential impeachment, Clinton’s impeachment, and now Trump’s impeachment. Why don’t we have term limits, again? This looks like another favor being paid by Pelosi – Lofgren gets to add to her impeachment record, and Pelosi gets the credit of having made a woman one of the impeachment managers.

Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY)
The congressman who once called Trump voters “racist” is now an impeachment manager. Somber and serious pick, indeed, Grandma Nancy. Jeffries is one of two impeachment manangers from the Congressional Black Caucus, because even in impeachment, the dedication to intersectionality must be upheld. Even though Jeffries can’t explain the contradiction in “our case is so airtight and obvious that the president has to be removed from office” and “we need more witnesses because we didn’t finish our homework.” I guess “ORANGE MAN BAD” isn’t going to be enough to convict on, huh?

Rep. Val Demings (D-FL)
The other Congressional Black Caucus member on the team, has only been in Congress since 2017. Her past experience as a former Orlando police chief is the key here because law enforcement, when investigating a case, is supposed to explore all aspects of a case. And if the evidence leads a different direction and identifies someone ELSE as the suspect, then the case should move in that direction. Have we seen that kind of due process with this impeachment inquiry? HA. However, isn’t it interesting that this very well connected Florida Democrat is getting a high-profile role as an impeachment manager at the same time that her name is coming up as a possible vice-presidential candidate?

Rep. Jason Crow (D-CO)
Crow, a freshman congressman, is a lawyer and military veteran. He gets to bring the gravitas and authority that is missing from some of these managers who have been in and around Congress or other elected office longer than Crow has been alive. Pelosi likely chose him in order to boost his profile a bit in his swing district, and raise his national profile. He’s the kind of Democrat that Pelosi is going to need to win elections to keep a majority in the House. Except that he’s already come across a stumbling block in that neither impeachment charge involves that old talking point of “bribery.” The phrase “not ready for prime time” comes to mind when you watch this clip.

Impeachment manager Rep. Jason Crow says that President Trump did "attempt to bribe and coerce a foreign government official," despite bribery not being an official article of impeachment. #CNNSOTU pic.twitter.com/M7mNfrQvsH

— State of the Union (@CNNSotu) January 19, 2020

Rep. Sylvia Garcia (D-TX)
Another freshman representative, Garcia checks off Pelosi’s intersectionality boxes for being a woman and Hispanic. With Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke’s epic failures in attempting to “turn Texas blue,” Pelosi is likely trying to raise Garcia’s national profile, even though her Congressional district was drawn to be a Democrat stronghold and has only been represented by Democrats. She was a safe and easy choice to get a pat on the head from Pelosi.

These seven representatives, Pelosi’s handpicked impeachment managers, might not win, but they are going to do their best to avenge the defeat of Hillary Clinton. Because, let’s be honest, that’s really what this is all about. And when they lose – and they will – they will get to claim that it was all a cover-up and those dastardly Republicans cheated and there will never be a fair election ever again unless a Democrat wins. Because, again, that is really what this is all about.

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Featured image: original Victory Girls art by Darleen Click