It was widely reported, with breathless anticipation of a boffo show, that the Democrats rehearsed this weekend. The House Judiciary Committee received the impeachment inquiry report from the House Intelligence Committee, and they had to get this performance just right. The Democrats had been jonesing for this moment since November 6, 2019. This reviewer says this show is a flop and the performances pitiful.

The New York Times, while reporting on the privations of cold pizza and colder rehearsal spaces, captured how important this performance was to the Dems with a quote from a third-rate actor, Eric Swalwell:

“We’re trying to avoid open-mic night,” said Representative Eric Swalwell, a Democrat of California who is a member of both the House Judiciary and Intelligence Committees.

Should have rehearsed a lot more, Smallballs.

If House Intel Committee Chairman Adam Schiff had deigned to star in this show, or if the “whistleblower” had made a special guest appearance, this would have been the show of the decade. Instead, we were treated to three, count’em three, lawyers. Two for the Dems and one for the Pubbies.

In a principal lead role, white-shoe lawyer Barry Berke, was both a prosecutor and witness. The Democrats make the rules, so they do what they want, fairness and the Constitution be damned. Berke was flown in for this because he has been preaching impeachment since at least October, 2017. Berke let us know that Trump must be impeached because his eight year old son thinks Trump is a bad man.

Next up, was Daniel Sachs Goldman, lead investigator for the House Intelligence Committee. He would have been more believable in his role without the smirks and sneers.

And, finally, there was Steve Castor for the Republicans. He always throws me off with his hemming and hawing and, then he nails his performance. He undersells and then brings it. In another example of how he lowers expectations, instead of an expensive briefcase, Mr. Castor brought his impeachment paperwork in a Fresh Market reusable grocery bag. “Live, eat, shop, reuse.” Not over-rehearsed. A delicate and nuanced performance.

So there we were, non-fact witness lawyers telling us what the witnesses from the Judiciary Committee told us and spinning like jugglers at the circus.

And, speaking of rehearsed. The opening act of calls for votes and parliamentary inquiry was a show we have seen before. You have got to give us something new. Committee Chairman Jerrold Nadler was much less officious and offensive than Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff. In his opening statement, Nadler brought up the Founding Fathers, of course:

“They warned us against the dangers of would-be monarchs, fake populists, and charismatic demagogues. They knew that the most dangerous threat to our country might come from within, in the form of a corrupt executive who put his private interests above the interests of the nation.
“They also knew that they could not anticipate every threat a President might someday pose, so they adopted the phrase “treason, bribery, and other high Crimes and Misdemeanors” to capture the full spectrum of possible Presidential misconduct.
“George Mason, who proposed this standard, said that it was meant to capture all manner of great and dangerous offenses against the Constitution.

Done to death. Give us something new, please.

The star of the show, for me, was Ranking Member Doug Collins. Congressman Collins brought up the release of the call logs of Devin Nunes to the formerly smirking Mr. Goldman. The flop sweat on Goldman was a thing of beauty. He wasn’t acting. Behold:

“We’re not gonna play cute here.” “Let’s play Match game.” “Who decided to leak it?” “Who ordered it?” Audience member in the back raises hand and yells, “I know, I know, I know! Adam Schiff.” “I’m done with you right now.”

The Republicans were not rehearsed because they didn’t have the information. They were the only stars of this bomb.

If this is what the Democrats look like when they do rehearse, they are bad actors and this show should close.

I give it 10 thumbs down. Thank you; next.

Photo Credit: Official Portrait of Jerrold Nadler/Wikimedia Commons/Public Domain