Open Letter to the Derp Turnips
Open Letter to the Derp Turnips
Dear Derp Turnips,
Yes, the media is agitating for full-on violence. Yes, the Democrats in Virginia are tossing every effort to relieve you of your rights at a wall to see what sticks. Yes, things seem dire in the Old Dominion, and unhinged leftists around the country are stoking the fires.
Do not fall into their traps, dear Derp Turnips. Do not join forces with violent leftist thugs like Antifa and violent white supremacist shit goblins, like the trio that was arrested a few days ago for plotting to open fire in Richmond. They are not your friends, even though they may value gun rights. The fascists on both the left and the right are your enemies. The enemy of your enemy is not your friend, and the resulting bloodshed will turn out badly for you and for the rest of us.
I know there are many of you who are consuming misinformation meant to stoke hysteria and aren’t checking or analyzing primary sources. As a result, you’re allowing other derp turnips on both sides of the political aisle to manipulate you as you strain at your leash and dance in glee at the thought of the Boogaloo.
Fact is Virginia hasn’t descended into tyranny… at least not yet.
Not a single bill that the Marxist fucknuggets have pushed in Richmond has become law. That’s what Lobby Day is – a day when you can speak with your legislators in person and make your case for or against certain legislation. I’ve been there. I’ve open carried in the State Capitol along with members of the Virginia Citizens Defense League (VCDL). We’ve spoken to several state legislators respectfully and provided facts for them to consider when voting on gun bills. We have made a difference in the past.
Of course, the new Democrat-controlled legislature is quite a bit more strident and willing to endanger our rights, but nothing that they have thrown at the wall like so much rotten spaghetti has stuck so far.
Dick Saslaw’s authoritarian bill to relieve Virginians of their right to keep and bear a common varmint rifle under the banner of “assault weapons” has died in committee, and no new legislation has been introduced. I’m sure the audio of leftist ass nugget state senator Dave Marsden calling his fellow Virginians who want to protect our Second Amendment rights “little kids” who should be ignored helped the odious legislation go down in flames.
Now, I know there’s another bill – HB 961 – that also aims to ban “assault” weapons, but there are several moderate Democrats who aren’t on board with banning a common rifle that’s hardly ever used in violent crime.
This is where your behavior is critical, Derp Turnips. Stop doing a happy dance at the thought of violence, as I see you doing. Stop spreading Boogaloo memes. Go to Richmond, and use your powers of persuasion, provide objective facts, and convince your legislators to oppose the systematic dismantling of your rights. The time now is to show you are able to speak eloquently and passionately about the issue – not to show up in your filthy T-shirt and “tactical” vest, threatening civil war and violence.
Yes, you can be strong. Yes, you can respond from a position of strength and defiance, but banding with traditional enemies – racists and leftwing fascist – will not add strength to your position. It will give the gun grabbers the opportunity to show you as violent and dangerous, warranting the insane “state of emergency” Blackface Northam has declared to ban your tools of defense from the state capitol when it was never before been a problem.
The “Red Flag” law was passed by committee, but has gone nowhere since. The state Senate was supposed to vote on SB 240 last week, but the bill was pulled for consideration twice. Although a couple of substitute bills have been introduced in the Senate, the legislators chose to pass. Cam Edwards of Bearing Arms believes this indicates a lack of support.
Rather than engage in an intra-party fight over the bill on the Senate floor, however, Democrats want to try to hash out the details in caucus. Interestingly enough, I’m hearing that one of the biggest opponents of the bill at the moment among Democrats is Sen. Joe Morrissey, a longtime supporter of gun control. Before he was disbarred, Morrissey was a criminal defense attorney, and my sources say he has problems with the lack of due process in the bill. Morrissey himself has said the bill needs some work, though he didn’t get more specific than that.
Another odious legislation that has been altered and may have unintended consequences that are actually good for Virginians is the left’s attempt to limit gun purchases to one per month. Don’t get me wrong – it’s a shit bill, and Virginia reversed a similar law that was in effect in the 1990s and early 2000s. This attempt to limit handgun purchases, however, was altered to exempt concealed carry permit holders, so the unintended consequence may result in more CCW holders in the state. I’m sure the liberals in Richmond haven’t considered this little scenario.
SB70 – the “universal background check” bill – passed committee, but also with major revisions, allowing you to give a firearm to your child, spouse, or other family member without having to fill out paperwork and use an FFL to run a background check. This is also sickening legislation that doesn’t just infringe on your Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms, but also your property rights. It may pass in some form, but it’s also unenforceable, and frankly, given the response in the vast majority of Virginia counties and cities to the Democrats’ efforts to infringe on your rights, I don’t see a whole lot of arrests coming out of this travesty.
Once again, civic engagement – rather than threats of violence will serve us better here, Derp Turnips. This is your opportunity to convince, to spread facts, to meet with these legislators, who I guarantee haven’t put a face onto the people whom they represent and whom the tyrannical bills they’re pushing would impact.
They haven’t met disarmed rape victims.
They haven’t seen the faces of women whose violent partners have violated restraining orders and whom they will disarm and leave at the mercy of their abusive significant others.
They haven’t spoken with eloquent gun owners who provide the facts and possible unintended consequences of the legislation these parasites are pushing.
All they see is BOOGALOO! All they see is dirty jeans and T-shirts with armpit stains, unshaven male faces that look like Santa Claus fucked a hobo and old, sweaty baseball caps. All they see is violent “allies” offering their violent “support” to Virginians. All they see is camouflage-clad, beer belly-sporting, Derp Turnips, stroking their AR-15s and publicly and proudly advocating another civil war.
At a time when these petty, tyrannical cowards and the world need to see the best of us, you give them Derp Turnips, spitting tobacco into a plastic Pepsi bottle and issuing threats about violent disobedience.
And no – I’m not just spouting stereotypes. I have seen these people with my own two eyes, stalking around the building on Lobby Day, open carrying their pistols and stroking the grips like they were worry beads, yelling obscenities in the corridors outside the offices of their legislators, and presenting not a single fact, statistic, or logical argument. And although they certainly have the right to make themselves heard, the Derp Turnip look is the least effective way to present the message.
So my dear Derp Turnips, please set aside your boogaloo glee, take a shower, put on a clean shirt, and go be your best selves tomorrow. Inform, educate, convince, look them in the eyes, and shake hands. The time for the bullet box may well come, but tomorrow is not that time.
Virginia may well be the location of the new “Shot Heard Around the World,” but tomorrow is the day to engage, not shoot.