Open Letter to the Derp Turnips

Open Letter to the Derp Turnips

Open Letter to the Derp Turnips

Dear Derp Turnips,

Yes, the media is agitating for full-on violence. Yes, the Democrats in Virginia are tossing every effort to relieve you of your rights at a wall to see what sticks. Yes, things seem dire in the Old Dominion, and unhinged leftists around the country are stoking the fires.

Do not fall into their traps, dear Derp Turnips. Do not join forces with violent leftist thugs like Antifa and violent white supremacist shit goblins, like the trio that was arrested a few days ago for plotting to open fire in Richmond. They are not your friends, even though they may value gun rights. The fascists on both the left and the right are your enemies. The enemy of your enemy is not your friend, and the resulting bloodshed will turn out badly for you and for the rest of us.

I know there are many of you who are consuming misinformation meant to stoke hysteria and aren’t checking or analyzing primary sources. As a result, you’re allowing other derp turnips on both sides of the political aisle to manipulate you as you strain at your leash and dance in glee at the thought of the Boogaloo.

Virginia State Parks on Flickr; CC 2.0

Fact is Virginia hasn’t descended into tyranny… at least not yet.

Not a single bill that the Marxist fucknuggets have pushed in Richmond has become law. That’s what Lobby Day is – a day when you can speak with your legislators in person and make your case for or against certain legislation. I’ve been there. I’ve open carried in the State Capitol along with members of the Virginia Citizens Defense League (VCDL). We’ve spoken to several state legislators respectfully and provided facts for them to consider when voting on gun bills. We have made a difference in the past.

Of course, the new Democrat-controlled legislature is quite a bit more strident and willing to endanger our rights, but nothing that they have thrown at the wall like so much rotten spaghetti has stuck so far.

Dick Saslaw’s authoritarian bill to relieve Virginians of their right to keep and bear a common varmint rifle under the banner of “assault weapons” has died in committee, and no new legislation has been introduced. I’m sure the audio of leftist ass nugget state senator Dave Marsden calling his fellow Virginians who want to protect our Second Amendment rights “little kids” who should be ignored helped the odious legislation go down in flames.

Now, I know there’s another bill – HB 961 – that also aims to ban “assault” weapons, but there are several moderate Democrats who aren’t on board with banning a common rifle that’s hardly ever used in violent crime.

This is where your behavior is critical, Derp Turnips. Stop doing a happy dance at the thought of violence, as I see you doing. Stop spreading Boogaloo memes. Go to Richmond, and use your powers of persuasion, provide objective facts, and convince your legislators to oppose the systematic dismantling of your rights. The time now is to show you are able to speak eloquently and passionately about the issue – not to show up in your filthy T-shirt and “tactical” vest, threatening civil war and violence.

Yes, you can be strong. Yes, you can respond  from a position of strength and defiance, but banding with traditional enemies – racists and leftwing fascist – will not add strength to your position. It will give the gun grabbers the opportunity to show you as violent and dangerous, warranting the insane “state of emergency” Blackface Northam has declared to ban your tools of defense from the state capitol when it was never before been a problem.

The “Red Flag” law was passed by committee, but has gone nowhere since. The state Senate was supposed to vote on SB 240 last week, but the bill was pulled for consideration twice. Although a couple of substitute bills have been introduced in the Senate, the legislators chose to pass. Cam Edwards of Bearing Arms believes this indicates a lack of support.

Rather than engage in an intra-party fight over the bill on the Senate floor, however, Democrats want to try to hash out the details in caucus. Interestingly enough, I’m hearing that one of the biggest opponents of the bill at the moment among Democrats is Sen. Joe Morrissey, a longtime supporter of gun control. Before he was disbarred, Morrissey was a criminal defense attorney, and my sources say he has problems with the lack of due process in the bill. Morrissey himself has said the bill needs some work, though he didn’t get more specific than that.

Another odious legislation that has been altered and may have unintended consequences that are actually good for Virginians is the left’s attempt to limit gun purchases to one per month. Don’t get me wrong – it’s a shit bill, and Virginia reversed a similar law that was in effect in the 1990s and early 2000s. This attempt to limit handgun purchases, however, was altered to exempt concealed carry permit holders, so the unintended consequence may result in more CCW holders in the state. I’m sure the liberals in Richmond haven’t considered this little scenario.

SB70 – the “universal background check” bill – passed committee, but also with major revisions, allowing you to give a firearm to your child, spouse, or other family member without having to fill out paperwork and use an FFL to run a background check. This is also sickening legislation that doesn’t just infringe on your Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms, but also your property rights. It may pass in some form, but it’s also unenforceable, and frankly, given the response in the vast majority of Virginia counties and cities to the Democrats’ efforts to infringe on your rights, I don’t see a whole lot of arrests coming out of this travesty.

Once again, civic engagement – rather than threats of violence will serve us better here, Derp Turnips. This is your opportunity to convince, to spread facts, to meet with these legislators, who I guarantee haven’t put a face onto the people whom they represent and whom the tyrannical bills they’re pushing would impact.

They haven’t met disarmed rape victims.

They haven’t seen the faces of women whose violent partners have violated restraining orders and whom they will disarm and leave at the mercy of their abusive significant others.

They haven’t spoken with eloquent gun owners who provide the facts and possible unintended consequences of the legislation these parasites are pushing.

All they see is BOOGALOO! All they see is dirty jeans and T-shirts with armpit stains, unshaven male faces that look like Santa Claus fucked a hobo and old, sweaty baseball caps. All they see is violent “allies” offering their violent “support” to Virginians. All they see is camouflage-clad, beer belly-sporting, Derp Turnips, stroking their AR-15s and publicly and proudly advocating another civil war.

At a time when these petty, tyrannical cowards and the world need to see the best of us, you give them Derp Turnips, spitting tobacco into a plastic Pepsi bottle and issuing threats about violent disobedience.

And no – I’m not just spouting stereotypes. I have seen these people with my own two eyes, stalking around the building on Lobby Day, open carrying their pistols and stroking the grips like they were worry beads, yelling obscenities in the corridors outside the offices of their legislators, and presenting not a single fact, statistic, or logical argument. And although they certainly have the right to make themselves heard, the Derp Turnip look is the least effective way to present the message.

So my dear Derp Turnips, please set aside your boogaloo glee, take a shower, put on a clean shirt, and go be your best selves tomorrow. Inform, educate, convince, look them in the eyes, and shake hands. The time for the bullet box may well come, but tomorrow is not that time.

Virginia may well be the location of the new “Shot Heard Around the World,” but tomorrow is the day to engage, not shoot.


Featured photo courtesy of: Lucio Eastman; source: Free State Project – PorcFest 2009 – Open Carry, Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic

Written by

Marta Hernandez is an immigrant, writer, editor, science fiction fan (especially military sci-fi), and a lover of freedom, her children, her husband and her pets. She loves to shoot, and range time is sacred, as is her hiking obsession, especially if we’re talking the European Alps. She is an avid caffeine and TWD addict, and wants to own otters, sloths, wallabies, koalas, and wombats when she grows up.

  • GWB says:

    The fascists on both the left and the right are your enemies.
    Secondly, this is why “left” and “right” are stupid monikers. They imply polar opposites, and they are NOT.

    And, I’m sorry, Marta, but at SOME point there will HAVE to be a Lexington/Concord, because these people will NOT stop and they will NOT quit in trying to rule over us. If you desire real freedom, then at some point you have to PUT THE TYRANTS DOWN, not merely push them out for a while.

    I don’t plan on violence. But I do plan on communicating in no uncertain terms SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS. And that means that if they don’t stop, they will have to be put down.

    • Marta Hernandez says:


      Right. If you believe that, I can’t fix you.

      And, I’m sorry, Marta, but at SOME point there will HAVE to be a Lexington/Concord, because these people will NOT stop and they will NOT quit in trying to rule over us. If you desire real freedom, then at some point you have to PUT THE TYRANTS DOWN, not merely push them out for a while.

      What I said was that tomorrow is NOT the day, not that it will not happen.

      And, if you think I’m a “derp turnip” for saying this, then you obviously don’t know NEARLY as much as you think you do about our founding. And I’m sorry, but you’ll have to write me off your Christmas list because I will NOT stand by and let the tyrants take over.

      Victim much? I haven’t said any such thing. Try re-reading what I really wrote before anticipating my “wrath.”

      And you were never ON my Christmas list.

      Have a nice day.

      • GWB says:

        Right. If you believe that, I can’t fix you.
        Then you don’t know what the hell a fascist IS. They are by definition “left”.
        Unless you use “fascist” to mean “somebody who does stupid shit.” Which is NOT the definition of a fascist.
        LEARN ENGLISH, I think you said to someone else.

        (Other people’s lazy usage doesn’t excuse ours – not when we’re trying to win hearts and minds. “Anti-fa” is NOT “fascist”. They are communists. But the people they claim to hate are their brothers on the left. But, as we saw with the Germany-Soviet Pact, they’re more than willing to team up if there’s someone around NOT on the left.)

        Victim much?
        I don’t intend to be, AT ALL. That’s kinda the point.

        Sorry, Marta, but when you start in with the “don’t do anything that will make us look bad” you sound EXACTLY like the “Conservative, Inc.” who have said for years “This isn’t the hill to die on!” And, because of that, we’ve run out of hills.
        The men at Lexington and Concord (and Williamsburg) “gave them an excuse”. Because it had gone far enough.

        Tomorrow may not be the day. But if it is, I plan on not trying to stop the train. I plan on pouring on the coal.

        • Marta Hernandez says:

          The dictionary definition of fascism is a centralized, autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader. That could be either right or left (in the sense that we know them). My English – despite being my third fucking language – is better than most Americans. Just because the definition doesn’t conform to YOUR liking, doesn’t make it wrong, and your refusal to accept reality doesn’t negate its existence.

          Sorry, Marta, but when you start in with the “don’t do anything that will make us look bad” you sound EXACTLY like the “Conservative, Inc.” who have said for years “This isn’t the hill to die on!”

          And you impugn MY English comprehension? JAYSUS, man! You are willfully refusing to comprehend what I have written, because I refuse to believe you are this stupid.

          Good night. Take a chill pill.

          • GWB says:

            You’ve got the wrong dictionary. Fascism ALSO requires gov’t control of privately held companies and corporations. Otherwise, it’s NOT “fascism” it’s just a dictatorship.

            Webster’s New World Dictionary, Unabridged, Second Edition
            1. the doctrines, methods, or movement of the Fascisti.
            2. a system of government characterized by rigid one-party dictatorship, forcible suppression of the opposition (unions, other, especially leftist, parties, minority groups, etc.), the retention of private ownership of the means of production under centralized government control, belligerent nationalism and racism, glorification of war, etc.: first instituted in Italy in 1922.
            3. the political philosophy and movement based on such doctrines and policies; fascist behavior. See also Nazism.

            (NOT pulled from the internet)
            It’s an actual historical term, based on the differences between the Italians and Germans who practiced it, as opposed to the actual governmental possession of the means of production required for true socialism or communism.

            It’s why they hated each other so. They were ALL Marxists, who disagreed on how to implement his idiocy. Despite what the communists would tell us, the fascists are NOT “on the right” except in comparison to themselves.

            A “centralized, autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader” is “totalitarian” or a “dictatorship”. Perfectly adequate words to describe what you’re talking about. Fascism is something more, despite its watering down. (We had dictators before and since Mussolini and Hitler, who were not in any way, shape or form “fascist”.)

            To put it another way, All fascists are dictators, not all dictators are fascists.

    • You become a derp turnip when you’re hungry; here, have a Snickers bar: 🍫

  • GWB says:

    And, if you think I’m a “derp turnip” for saying this, then you obviously don’t know NEARLY as much as you think you do about our founding. And I’m sorry, but you’ll have to write me off your Christmas list because I will NOT stand by and let the tyrants take over.


    If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquillity of servitude, than the animating contest of freedom – go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.


    Shall we resort to entreaty and humble supplication? What terms shall we find which have not been already exhausted? Let us not, I beseech you, sir, deceive ourselves longer. Sir, we have done everything that could be done, to avert the storm which is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have remonstrated; we have supplicated; we have prostrated ourselves before the throne, and have implored its interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of the ministry and Parliament. Our petitions have been slighted; our remonstrances have produced additional violence and insult; our supplications have been disregarded, and we have been spurned, with contempt, from the foot of the throne!
    In vain, after these things, may we indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to be free—if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending—if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon, until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained—we must fight! I repeat it, sir, we must fight! An appeal to arms and to the God of Hosts is all that is left us!

    It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace—but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! 4 Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God!

    • Jefferson:

      Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

      In today’s terms, it’s time for the soap-box and ballot box, not yet the jury box, and most definitely not yet the ammo box.

      • GWB says:

        And I think we are well past the point where our Founding Fathers would have used the soap-, ballot and jury boxes – except as something for the tyrant to stand on while the rope was tied.

        I AM willing to use them otherwise. One can hold the tar, and the other can hold the feathers.

        (BTW, I am on record here and elsewhere advocating that no revolution will succeed unless we change the hearts and minds of the people who vote. We MUST do that. But we also can’t succeed at that if we don’t hold off the tyrants long enough to break the chains that bind the people’s minds. The current actions by the progressives are forging more links in those chains, and it will be that much tougher to break them the longer we allow them to be forged.)

        (Also, you vote your way into socialism/dictatorship. You have to shoot your way out.)

        • I suggest you look up the Olive Branch Petition, and count how many battles of the American Revolution had already been fought at that time.

          You don’t stop using the soap-box and appeals to public opinion when you think the matter’s hopeless; in fact you don’t stop until everyone else agrees—and you make a sincere effort too.

      • The ballot box failed. The soap box is irrelevant when the left controls the media. The courts have said pretty much any gun control is A-OK, and SCOTUS has refused to hear the appeals.

        And a bunch of guncucks paraded around and did nothing after the Delegates proposed stealing their property and installing themselves for life.

        It’s been time for the Ammo Box since the 18th Amendment. We need to just admit that 95% of gun owners are pussies, and the 5% who might start something know the 95% would go Full Virtue Signal, and turn them in while shrieking, “They’re not law abiding gun owners!”

        There won’t be a revolution. They’ll take your guns. You’ll suck the socialist dick. You’ll swear you love it.

  • Chuck "Bogie" Bogardus says:

    As a professional Santa…

    Huh? I did WHAT to a hobo?

    (Frankly, I’ll listen to a hobo’s Christmas list any day – It’s Karen, who Wants To See The Manager, who drives me nuts… No, I wouldn’t throw her the yule log if it was on fire…)

    But seriously, I see this as a way to maybe build some bridges. But too many people seem to want to give the Democrats exactly what they want – an excuse. I do believe that _some_ of the AnteFascist types are starting to come around to a more libertarian belief system – A great photo op would be Fudd and one of those guys shaking hands… Who knows…

  • John C. says:

    Maxim 29: “The enemy of my enemy is my enemy’s enemy. No more. No less.”

    • Kodos the Excutioner says:

      Schlock Mercenary!

      I fear too many are trying to invoke #27; “Don’t be afraid to be the first to resort to violence”.

  • RG says:

    Uh, yeah, you are a Derp Turnip, GWB. You wouldn’t know a bloody Boogaloo If it split yer pants with a farkin’ jackboot. Calm yer tits and don’t be the first one shooting here.

  • The time for the bullet box may well come, but tomorrow is not that time.

    It will not be Marta Hernandez who makes that decision. God willing, it won’t be a supporter of the right to keep and bear arms, either. The most likely match to the kindling will come from the Left: perhaps an Antifa member, or perhaps a Northam / Democrat confederate inserted to provoke a “Reichstag fire.” Throughout this crisis it has been Second Amendment supporters — law-abiding gun owners — who’ve been most alarmed about the possibility of actual violence.

    Northam has created a kill zone for rallygoers. He’s amassed state troopers from a wide radius around Richmond. And he’s planted provocative notions about “white supremacists.” Watch him and his minions; they’re the ones flicking their Bics near the powder keg he’s assembled.

    • The Reichstag fire was when they proposed a bill to make recall impossible, give the governor an 8 year term, steal most of the guns, violate their own existing law, rig the elections by letting illegals vote (which also means the dead can vote), and the courts did nothing to impede any of it. Then the protesters proved they’d line up for the fences to the boxcars politely and orderly, and even pick up trash on the way.

      Virginians are almost as big of cuckfaggots as Formerly Great Britain.

  • Beb says:

    Listen to the girl. She has a valid point. Your immediate need is to influence legislators who don’t know jack about guns, and who are scared of them – and scared of gun owners. They need to see you as the decent, concerned voters that you are.

    • Hate_me says:

      I’m curious if the words of those civic-minded, eloquent gun-owners would carry the same weight (or any weight at all) without that rabble chomping at the bit should other means become necessary.

      I prefer the civic approach, and I appreciate eloquence more than most, but the 2A has been steadily walked back for a good while, now. Legislation, even tempered by reason, has done nothing but slowly infringe upon the right to bear arms – and there is no indication that the Virginia legislators were willing to listen to reasoned argument, at all, until citizens began to display outright defiance.

      They should certainly be wary of the various traps and false friends, but those “derp turnips” are the philosophical descendants of that 1770 mob on King Street. History may not remember men like Crispus Attucks to the same degree as the more articulate Paul Revere or Samuel Adams, but, without such men, we might still be living under the Townshend Acts.

      Calling them “derp turnips,” while arguably apt, my be a bit harsh.

      • Marta Hernandez says:

        I agree with you to a point. I see nothing wrong with going into battle to defend our rights. It’s necessary and correct. My problem with people whom I call “derp turnips” is their cavalier attitude toward the consequences and the bloodshed of their fellow Americans that will no doubt be spilled. These are the people who crow with unrestrained glee about the “boogaloo,” who can’t wait to get started, who posture themselves as the ones who are going to be the heroes of a second civil war. I have deployed. I am a veteran. I have worked in other fields where I’ve seen the carnage. I don’t know very many people who have “been there and done that” who look forward to the violence, like these asscakes do. And those are the people – the ones excited at the prospect of the killin’ and those who want it to happen sooner rather than later – to whom the term “derp turnips” is most apt.

        • Hate_me says:

          Fair enough. But there are plenty who fit the “derp turnip” description you give in the article (many veterans, themselves), who simply feel that the civic approach has never accomplished anything but slowing the bleed that is gun control. They don’t particularly want war, but prefer that ugliness to the tyranny of the status quo (even the status quo should every one of these inane bills fail).

          Their patience has worn thin and anything short of a SCOTUS ruling on the entire amendment means the civil approach equals slow failure. They’re not strangers to violence, nor are they cavalier about it. They’re just desperate to reverse the tide and don’t see any other viable solution.

          I’m not saying I agree with those individuals, but I can see how priming a powder keg has its appeal and I understand why your article offended generally reasonable and knowledgeable readers.

          I still say, “derp turnip” is a bit harsh.

          • RG says:

            “Their patience has worn thin and anything short of a SCOTUS ruling on the entire amendment means the civil approach equals slow failure. They’re not strangers to violence, nor are they cavalier about it. They’re just desperate to reverse the tide and don’t see any other viable solution.”

            Too bad. Still doesn’t mean we’ve gotten to ammo box stage. And again, don’t get caught as the doofus who fired the first shot, because doing so confirms every anti-gunner’s worst fears about who they think we are. They don’t know who we are. They can only project.

            • Hate_me says:

              While I agree that caution is called for, I would argue that, for those who see no other viable option, it means exactly that “we’ve gotten to the ammo box stage.”

          • Marta Hernandez says:

            Fair enough on this end. We can certainly disagree there, and there’s room for that. 🙂


    • We’ve been trying that since the 1920s.

      How successful has that been?

      It hasn’t.

      They will never see gun owners as “decent.” But they’re pleased you’re a bunch of fucking pussies who won’t actually stop them.

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