Brain surgeons, rocket scientists, and Mensa members gathered at the University of Colorado in the People’s Republic of Boulder this week to affix their John Hancocks to a gigantic Thank You card to the IRS. The co-ed card signers, well versed in all things Constitution, thanked the Agency of Non-Partisanry for its discriminatory targeting of Tea Partiers and other Conservative groups for extra scrutiny and audits. You know, because Nazi Germany Throwbacks are all the rage these days.
The IRS Appreciation Day was the brain child of conservative pundit, Caleb Bonham. And, oh, did the Rhodes Scholars flock en masse to proudly display their considerable wealths of knowledge.
“I love discrimination!” cheered one Constitutional expert, while another savant encouraged, “Support Obama, target the Tea Party!”
And still another polymath opined, “I read about that. I thought it was pretty funny because the IRS is actually doing the right thing but the wrong thing at the same time, you know what I mean?” Sure, of course we do. The IRS is chock full of comedians. Like these jokesters:
But do not despair. This is great news. No, really! Because, under the brilliant logic of the Prometheus Society wannabes, there’d be no limit on who the First Amendment-revering IRS could target next. Should a Republican/Libertarian/Other eventually inhabit the coveted office of the Presidency, the Lefty geniuses will certainly tolerate the unconstitutional discrimination of their own ilk (it’s only fair, right?), funded, of course, by their very own tax dollars. MoveOn.org, Media Matters, veggie-worshiping PETA, most of Hollywood…all could be targeted for silencing with the full consent of the Boulder Brainiacs. Heck, even former presidents could sport hip-and-cool, tiny blue Forward! pins on their lapels, in place of those so-very-yesterday American flags, so that the rest of us can easily identify them for finger-pointing and blame. As the pissy pious Prius pilots remind us ad nauseam, “Coexist!” Well, as long as we at the PRB and the Internal Revenge Service approve of your message.
Now don’t you feel comfortable bequeathing our Republic to the well-informed hands of these Einsteinians? Their mothers must be so gosh-darned proud. Don’t count on the arrival of that Gift of Fire subscription anytime soon.
Here’s video of the Magna Cum Laude Crowd for posterity. You’re welcome.
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