Tinder Generation Can’t Find Love

Tinder Generation Can’t Find Love

Tinder Generation Can’t Find Love

Suzy Weiss is a 27-year-old journalist who is bright, thoughtful, and very lonely. She’s also wondering why Tinder and other apps like it have failed members of her generation.

Writing at her older sister Bari’s Substack “Common Sense,” Suzy claims in an article called “Generation Swipe,” that “Tinder promised it would revolutionize romance.” So far, however, it appears to have failed not only her, but her peers as well. And she wonders why.

Part of the problem can be found in the first paragraph, however:

“Every generation thinks they have it the hardest when it comes to finding love, but it’s hard to look at mine and conclude that we don’t have a good case. Never before have young people been having so little sex …”

Perhaps it’s because she and her generation equate sex with love. They’ve bought into the lie that lots of sex brings happiness, that women can enjoy carnal pleasures like men, and that this is how to find your soulmate.

My mother’s generation, however, believed that good girls don’t, and while bad girls seem to have all the fun, men want to marry good girls. Trouble is, however, that now lots of men don’t want to get married. And some, notes Weiss, don’t even want to have sex, believe it or not:

“By the time my parents were my age, so the meme goes, they had a house and two kids. A lot of men in my generation aren’t even having sex.”

Tinder

But Tinder was supposed to be this magic that would bring young adults together. What happened?

 

Finding Whom to Blame

Weiss writes there are many culprits to blame for her generation’s predicament: she first points her finger at Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs — which is odd, considering that Jobs died before dating apps became big. And then there’s “the sexual revolution and the pill and late empire and late capitalism and Tinder.”

But she places the biggest blame just like every younger generation does: at the feet of the parents. As the pop song “The Living Years” begins, Every generation blames the one before. Ironically, the British band Mike + the Mechanics recorded it in 1988 — before Suzy Weiss was even born.

Some things never change.

Weiss says that these “snowplow” parents failed to teach their children to be resilient:

“When you’re raised in a world perpetually protected from skinned knees, you tend to be scared of running fast.”

And then there’s the stridency of the #MeToo movement, which a Pew study found to have negatively affected the way young men interact with women. Weiss writes:

“Sixty-five percent of Americans believe “It has become harder for men to know how to interact with someone they’re on a date with”—let alone someone they’re not even on a date with yet.”

But Tinder and similar apps were supposed to solve all that, right? Swipe right, swipe left, lots of single men and women from which to choose. Plus, you get to communicate with someone before you even meet in person.

Sounds good in theory, but in reality it’s loaded with pitfalls. Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson called Tinder a “fire starter” and strongly advised against using such apps. Not only do they encourage predatory men, and put women at risk but — surprise, surprise! the app creators have designed them to keep users coming back for more.

And indeed, Tinder viciously sorts people into categories of Winners and Losers. Weiss writes:

“Even if there’s still a lid to every pot, the reality is that some are getting thrown into the discount bin, while others are being marked up and set on the highest shelf. And the discounted ones know who they are. “Everyone says ‘Oh, a woman wants a tall guy.’” says Jeff, who is five-foot-four. “But I can’t do anything about that. I can’t make myself taller. It is what it is.”

Yet the hopeful keep returning without realizing that Tinder is a trap. Because if it works so well, then users wouldn’t need to keep returning, right?

 

Time to Dump Tinder

Comments flowed in to Suzy Weiss’s article, many from older adults who simply advised people to get off the screens, dump Tinder, and just get out into the world.

Like a 59-year-old father who’s been married for 30 years:

“Get out there, and meet people. Some people stink, some are great!! …”

“My advice – get off the phones, and go make some mistakes with real people. Correcting the mistakes is part of the fun, and people will respect you in REAL life.”

Yet another man noted that Suzy Weiss didn’t mention the word “marriage” once in the entire article, while another woman agreed with that observation and added:

“Yeah, in Suzy’s last paragraph, she equated dating for him, “trying to get someone to like you, to sleep with you” — and *then*, “to be your girlfriend”— umm…”

There were those who praised the old tradition of chastity before marriage:

“My wife of eighteen years married me without that check of “basic compatibility.” “Chastity until marriage, fidelity until death” can WORK.” 

“It certainly worked for my parents and most in their generation. The complete opposite seems not to be working…”

Ya think? Feminism, the sexual revolution, hookup culture — things I wrote about last month — have not provided the liberation they advertised.

 

Want to Meet Your Soulmate? Get Thee To a Church!

In addition to common sense counsel to get off the Tinder app and the screens, many commenters simply advised: Go back to church! 

“To women who complain about not being able to meet a guy: As you sow, so shall you reap. To men: Join a church.”

“My church has a number of women in their 20s and 30s. They apparently know it’s a good place to find a decent, responsible man.”

“My wife introduced a couple at our synagogue one Shabbat morning. That turned into a very successful relationship.”

Not every successful marriage starts in a house of worship, of course — I know strong couples who met in bars. But Tinder and the hookup culture it promotes will not save the internet generation from loneliness. They need to delete the apps, put the damn phone down, stop living in fear of rejection, and get out. We old married folks have been there, done that, and happily survived.

 

Welcome, Instapundit readers

Featured image: Photo by Jake Pierrelee on Unsplash/cropped/free for use. 

Written by

Kim is a pint-sized patriot who packs some big contradictions. She is a Baby Boomer who never became a hippie, an active Republican who first registered as a Democrat (okay, it was to help a sorority sister's father in his run for sheriff), and a devout Lutheran who practices yoga. Growing up in small-town Indiana, now living in the Kansas City metro, Kim is a conservative Midwestern gal whose heart is also in the Seattle area, where her eldest daughter, son-in-law, and grandson live. Kim is a working speech pathologist who left school system employment behind to subcontract to an agency, and has never looked back. She describes her conservatism as falling in the mold of Russell Kirk's Ten Conservative Principles. Don't know what they are? Google them!

19 Comments
  • George V says:

    I would add one thing to the recommendation of going back to church. As it says in Matthew 6:33, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Going to church simply to find a someone to live with may not work.

  • Scott says:

    As usual, everything the left touches turns to shit..

  • Cameron says:

    “Sixty-five percent of Americans believe “It has become harder for men to know how to interact with someone they’re on a date with”—let alone someone they’re not even on a date with yet.”

    Sweetie, the MeToo movement and feminism have pretty much made a lot of men extremely wary of having anything to do with women. Take a look at college alone: Guy and a girl go on a date. She thinks he’s boring and decides to accuse him of rape. Why would any sane man want to take that kind of chance?

    And feminism has become a poison to healthy minds. Women in the West are brought up with the idea that they are superior to men in all ways and that they only exist to provide occasional company and to be a wallet.

    But I did notice her lack of discussing marriage also. If she wants a long term relationship, she needs to hang around people who are in one and actually pay attention to the advice they give.

  • GWB says:

    without realizing that Tinder is a trap
    I thought Love is the Tinder trap? (h/t Frank)

    And, this is a good post, even though it was an easy one to write for someone like Kim. For us of a certain age, everything she wrote is so obvious. But some large quantity failed to pass it on.

  • Dietrich says:

    The participation-trophy-for-everyone generation cannot handle rejection.

  • TimW says:

    If going to Church works, more would be doing it. Simple truth is the quality of women is way down. Women just do not know what is required of them to be wives. They adopted the worst quality of caddish men. They proclaim themselves to be Alpha women. Alpha men don’t need marriage when they have the whole harem. Women can sleep around and around. Marriageable men won’t touch women on the carousel. They’re damaged, desensitized, and unable to bond. Men won’t marry them even when available eligible women grow scarcer. By the time a woman turns 30, she’s desperate. Men that hit their 30s to 40s are used to being single and aren’t looking for a lifetime mate.

    • NTSOG says:

      “Marriageable men won’t touch women on the carousel.”

      In Australia we describe certain women as ‘town bikes’: every lad in town has ridden them, but no one wants to marry them.

    • hinckley buzzard says:

      A young man or woman should seek out and join a church because it will help them to become better people and live more rewarding lives. In the process they will meet other people their own age who want the same things, which sets the stage for a possible loving lasting relationship. In my parish there are every week or so notices of young couples getting engaged. So no you don’t go to church “to meet girls/guys.” But if you go, you have a chance to meet a special person you won’t ever meet in a bar.

  • grayswindir says:

    Tinder, bumble etc. are products designed to keep you using the product. Give a person a wealth of options to keep them endlessly using the system. Always something better if you just keep looking more…

  • Ralph says:

    What these women don’t realize is that the Tinder-generation has created a bunch of Tinderllas who believe they are entitles to sexual freedom, and like other Parato Curves (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareto_principle) these women all want the top 15% who are getting all the action and attention, and only near their 30th birthday do they decide toe “settle” for a nice guy in the bottom 85%. Problem with that, no one wants to be the 2nd, 3rd, … choice, these guys don’t want women with huge number of ex-lovers and no that they are in their 30s, the are getting the attention of the younger women. Why on earth would a guy want to put up with a partner who made it clear that they are settling because the 15% were not interested is a committed relationship.
    The truth is that women do not respect the kind nice relationship guys who treat them well. They want a dominant hunk with money who is a smooth talker and a challenge to acquire.

  • patrick says:

    Re: Church
    While visiting a friend in Colorado Springs, we drove by a mega church and he commented that it had a high turn over of parishioners because so many young men and women joined with the purpose of finding a marriage partner with their mores. I have no idea of their divorce rate, but I doubt it is worse than the national average.

  • Married man says:

    Tinder is for hookups without commitment.

    JDate, synagogue, in-person interest groups, political gatherings – provide a common basis for relationship.

    Got to use the right tool for the right job. Bad process causes failure. Doesn’t this girl have friends or a mother to set her straight? Not complicated.

    • DeNihilist says:

      Yup. Met my wife playing softball. This is my advice to all the lonely singles all the time, join a club or sport that yer interested in and meet like minded people.
      Right away you have something in common, you are “allowed” to talk to the other sex, and a lot of these people are probably not out “clubbing” every night.

  • Howard Hirsch says:

    When I was single, I mentioned to a colleague at work (also Jewish) that I had joined a synagogue. He questioned my motive, to which I responded “and just where do you think Jewish children come from?”

  • […] Sarah A. Hoyt – The Dividing Line, Credit Card Companies Capitulate To Anti-Gun Lobby, and Tinder Generation Can’t Find Love Volokh Conspiracy: A Stroll Through The Times Square Gun Free Zone, also, Do the Supreme […]

  • John Holton says:

    It’s like they want a shortcut to love, and there isn’t one. They don’t seem to realize that love starts with friendship and that sex should be the last thing on their minds. You can’t force it. Focusing on self-development, expanding your circle of friends and finding new interests will lead to love faster than spending hours swiping left and right on Tinder.

  • Dave from Oz says:

    Go to a church if you can find one that will not perform or recognize second marriages . Mt 5:32.

  • Mike in a Truck says:

    You young ladies are going about it all wrong. Dump the stupid apps. You want to meet a good hardworking guy? Hang out at Home Depot and Lowe’s hardware! Seriously. Hey at least you know hes got a job, most likely skilled in one of the allied trades. Thats better than an unemployed incel with a worthless degree and college debt living in his parents basement. And keep your legs crossed until you get a ringy on the fingee.

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