Somewhere, in an alternate dimension, the Oscars are still going on. It only took them over three hours to end the show on the biggest fail/twist ending in the Academy’s history. I’ll try to recap this in a coherent fashion.

First of all, I did not subject myself to the torture of actually watching the show. I have young children, and watching an awards show for movies they will never likely watch holds no appeal for them. They don’t even care that two things they did see (“Zootopia” and “Piper”) won awards. So I kept up on Twitter, watching the show slide by in clips and tweets, while I continued to live my life.

So I casually noted that both supporting actor and actress awards went to “people of color.” This pleased the Twitter horde.

Mahershala Ali poses in the press room after winning Best Supporting Actor for 'Moonlight' #Oscars pic.twitter.com/DHZfPshenD

— MEFeater Magazine (@mefeater) February 27, 2017

Viola Davis poses with her Oscar in the press room after winning Best Supporting Actress #Oscars pic.twitter.com/UMRmzfh9tV

— MEFeater Magazine (@mefeater) February 27, 2017

Viola Davis gave an awkward acceptance speech.

Viola Davis: "We are the only profession that celebrates what it means to live a life." #Oscars pic.twitter.com/TjRcj3cIw2

— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) February 27, 2017

Uh…. not so much.

Wait, are actors the only profession that knows how to celebrate a life? What about doctors? And people doing humanitarian work?

— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny) February 27, 2017

. @violadavis minimizes the contributions of journalists, US military personnel, school teachers, etc https://t.co/UjVsGpVJP4

— Richard Grenell (@RichardGrenell) February 27, 2017

And then we really moved into social justice celebration territory, as the speeches got more political and pointed.

Gael García Bernal: "As a Mexican, as a Latin-American, as a migrant worker, as a human being, I am against any form of wall." #Oscars pic.twitter.com/TdyKD6Jsmo

— Evan McMurry (@evanmcmurry) February 27, 2017

In case you were wondering, I looked up Gael García Bernal’s net worth. He was born to acting parents in Mexico, grew up as a child actor there, and has a net worth of $12 million. I’m sure he feels tons of solidarity with migrant farm workers while he jet-sets around the world, “migrating” to work in film.

The social justice showboating did not stop there. The Iranian film “The Salesman” won best foreign film. Its director refused to come to Hollywood in protest of Iran being listed in President Trump’s executive order.

Statement read on behalf of foreign language film winner Asghar Farhadi denounces "inhumane law that bans entry of immigrants to the US" pic.twitter.com/GxulPE7E5L

— ABC News Politics (@ABCPolitics) February 27, 2017

This naturally made the film a shoo-in to win. “The White Helmets,” a Syrian documentary about rebel-backed Syrian first responders, was also a winner – but even with the travel executive order being blocked by the courts, the cinematographer was denied a visa.

According to internal Trump administration correspondence seen by the Associated Press, the Department of Homeland Security has decided to block Khateeb from the country after reportedly finding “derogatory” information about him, an official term that can mean anything from terror connections to passport irregularities.

The next social justice checkmark came when “Moonlight” won best adapted screenplay. If you had never heard of the movie before the awards season, it’s because it was a movie with a tiny budget about growing up poor and black around drug-using adults, complete with parental issues, a coming-of-age story, bullying, and gay relationships. So it pretty much covers everything Hollywood likes to give awards to. The writers made sure to give their shout-outs properly, and giving the ACLU a free commercial along the way.

"This goes out to all those black & brown boys & girls and non-gender conforming who don't see themselves." #Oscars pic.twitter.com/1IkW0ENdx1

— Keith Boykin (@keithboykin) February 27, 2017

No love for the Asian kids, huh? But I digress.

When it was finally time to give out the “big” awards (Best Director, Actor, Actress and Picture), it seemed like the social justice parade had ended. The director of “La La Land” won.

#Oscars: Damien Chazelle wins Best Director https://t.co/axe6IhXnRP pic.twitter.com/thhZEzpwcs

— Hollywood Reporter (@THR) February 27, 2017

Then Casey Affleck beat Denzel Washington in the Best Actor category, and the hounds of Twitter broke loose.

Casey Affleck winning over Denzel is the #Oscars version of Adele winning over Beyoncé. Everyone knows who the statue belongs to.

— Xavier Best (@Xav711) February 27, 2017

My 13-yr-old on Denzel's loss to Casey Affleck: "And I really thought the #Oscars was changing or something. That's the worst part."

— Liz Dwyer (@losangelista) February 27, 2017

https://twitter.com/workwthecoach/status/836077072116137984

With the sexual assault case, the Casey Affleck win is not easy. We care about some things. We ignore others. #oscars

— Jon Acuff (@JonAcuff) February 27, 2017

Affleck does have a sexual harassment case from 2010 that was settled out of court and he legally cannot talk about. But hey, at least PETA was happy.

Sending congratulations to #vegan animal advocate Casey Affleck on his #Oscar for Best Actor! #Oscars

— PETA (@peta) February 27, 2017

Emma Stone won Best Actress, and she gave a nice acceptance speech.

Emma Stone gives emotional #Oscars speech: Statuette "a really beautiful symbol to continue on" my journey. https://t.co/vG5LjQdCo9 pic.twitter.com/H3W542OEUD

— ABC News (@ABC) February 27, 2017

Delightful, sincere, politics-devoid speech by Emma Stone. Good for her. #oscars. pic.twitter.com/md8XgkrncP

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 27, 2017

Um, it wasn’t exactly completely non-political.

I just want to point out that Emma Stone wore a Planned Parenthood pin. That is all. #Oscars pic.twitter.com/RZ2tzwk4Cc

— shauna (@goldengateblond) February 27, 2017

Anyone want to tell her that the pin was sideways?

And then out came Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway. This was supposed to be a 50th anniversary reunion of “Bonnie and Clyde.” Instead, it turned into the most talked-about moment at the Academy Awards since the streaker of 1974.

WATCH: 'La La Land' announced as #Oscars Best Picture winner, but only until a mistake is realized with 'Moonlight' being the real winner. pic.twitter.com/wYsUngcdwe

— ABC News (@ABC) February 27, 2017

Enter a twist ending worthy of Hollywood, the home of smoke and mirrors.

Twitter literally imploded.

How on earth can you have the wrong card for Best Picture? What a pathetic, toe-curling farce. #oscars

— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) February 27, 2017

Hillary called. She wants Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway to review the ballots voters cast in Wisconsin and Michigan.#Oscars

— Larry Elder (@larryelder) February 27, 2017

Bonnie and Clyde were robbers, after all. #Oscars

— Linda Holmes (@nprmonkeysee) February 27, 2017

This is SO the end of the #Oscars –I still don't understand how they got that so SO wrong. https://t.co/ZxOkGtIF2Q

— Liz Dwyer (@losangelista) February 27, 2017

The Steve Harvey gifs appeared.

Steve Harvey right now— #Oscars pic.twitter.com/Zx4nRyMLPH

— Trevor Noah (@Trevornoah) February 27, 2017

The explanation for the error was nothing short of weird.

Beatty told the audience that they had read the wrong envelope, saying that he saw that Emma Stone won for La La Land, who was actually the winner for best actress. Dunaway had read the winner before Beatty could stop her.

“I opened the envelope and it said ‘Emma Stone, La La Land.’ That’s why I took such a long look at Faye, and at you. I wasn’t trying to be funny,” Beatty assured everyone, after admitting to the mistake and explaining that they had the wrong envelope.

Asked if the Academy had explained to (Moonlight director Barry) Jenkins what happened, he said, “No explanation. Things just happen. I will say I saw two cards. I wanted to see the card and Warren refused to show the card to anybody before he showed it to me. He said, ‘Barry Jenkins has to see the card. He needs to know.’ The folks from La La Land were so gracious. I can’t imagine being in their position.”

After the flub, librarians for the Academy told The Hollywood Reporter, “We can’t think of another moment when the wrong winner was announced during the show.”

“Of course it was an amazing thing to hear La La Land, I think we all would have loved to win best picture, but we are so excited for Moonlight, I think it’s one of the best films of all time,” said Emma Stone backstage. “I also was holding my best actress in a leading role card that entire time.”

So many questions come to mind. Was this a publicity stunt by the Academy, to give themselves a big trending moment? Was this the work of a prankster? Or was this a genuine screw-up?

Everyone agreed that the “La La Land” production team was quite classy.

You know what? Really, really classy by the LA LA LAND crew for handing the #Oscars the way they did to the MOONLIGHT crew.

— Wajahat Ali (@WajahatAli) February 27, 2017

But just remember that these are the same people who insisted that Hillary was going to win, and they can’t even get their own election results right! And just imagine if the roles had been reversed, and “Moonlight” had been given the award and then “La La Land” was announced as the real winner? The social justice warriors on Twitter would have gone nuclear.

If I had to put a theory out there, I would say the Academy deliberately punked Beatty and Dunaway in order to get a big, trending moment. Viewership has been decreasing consistently. Do I think that the powers-that-be decided to pull a stunt at the last minute that would get them seen all over the world in a viral, clickable moment, all in the hopes of arresting downward trend and increasing viewership starting next year? You make the call. This is the only thing that will get talked about today – not the blue ribbons, not the Planned Parenthood pins, not the social justice speeches, and not even President Trump’s travel restrictions. Congratulations to the Academy. You finally get what you’ve always wanted – your own viral moment and 15 minutes of fame. If only it hadn’t taken you over three hours to get there.