And This is Why Selfish People Should Not Procreate

And This is Why Selfish People Should Not Procreate

Becoming a parent inevitably means that you no longer come first. Once you have children, their wants and needs take precedence over yours. Most parents understand that, and are willing to make the sacrifices necessary for their children. Others? Not so much:

What makes this “moms first” identification so insidious is that for parents, motherhood is a tremendous part of who we are. We love our kids more than anything and our relationships with them are our most treasured. Declaring that loudly and proudly seems like a given. And for those who have been historically undervalued as parents—women of color, in particular—seeing women like Michelle Obama calling attention to her motherhood can be a powerful moment.

But still, identifying as a mom first in a culture that pays lip service to parenthood without actually supporting it has consequences. It means that women are expected to be everything—and give up anything—for their children. Whatever women do that seems to separate them from “true” motherhood is seen as misguided, or at worst, selfish. If we formula-feed we’re not giving our babies the best start in life. If we work outside the home, we must do it with tremendous guilt and anxiety. Time away from our children in the form of an occasional movie or hobby is seen as a treat rather than an expected part of living a full life.

Accepting this role without argument or critique also reinforces political inequity, assuring the powers that be that women can be satiated with political table scraps. If raising children is “reward enough,” there’s no need for paid parental leave or subsidized child care. “Fulfillment” becomes a stand in for structural support, parental joy for actual change.

Yes, Jessica: as a parent, you are supposed to be willing to give up everything for your children. And while it may seem “unfair”, as a parent, you are everything to your children. You are their entire world.

There were also complaints about the idea that mothering is so important because mothers are raising the next generation of children. Well, again… this is very true. Children do not stay children forever, and the type of people they will grow up to me is greatly influenced by how they are parented.

Much of this article reminded me of the sheer outrage from feminists over Natalie Portman’s proclamation after receiving an Academy Award that motherhood would be her most important role.

Feminists attack these things because they are, at their core, selfish and egocentric. The idea that someone or something else could be more important than they are horrifies them; the thought that being a parent will now be their number one priority is terrifying. When you become a parent — mother or father — you are a parent first, before anything else. At least, if you’re a good parent you are, anyway. That doesn’t mean that a parent should have no other identity or interests beyond just being a parent. It does mean that your entire life has changed, who you are has changed, and that there are now people in your life who matter more than you do. And therein is the problem with feminists.

Motherhood and family is important, and it resonates with women more than their movement filled with bitter harpies does. Turning the importance of mothering and parenthood into some ridiculous gender debate is idiotic. More women stay at home with their children than men do, so surely that must equal oppression, right? Ignore the fact that those women choose to stay at home with their children, that they want to be there. Feminists declare it unacceptable oppression, so therefore, it must be so.

Most women naturally feel pulled to their children, and feel that being a mother does define them. Becoming a mother changes you, just as becoming a father changes a man. Life no longer is about you, it’s about them, your children, the lives you created. A good parent does not mind sacrificing for their children, and becoming a mother first does not mean that somehow, you have become devalued in society. No, becoming a mother first makes you more important, more valuable. It elevates you. And selfish feminists can’t understand that, thus their outrage. And rather than looking at themselves, to see how they can rise above their problems, they’d rather drag the rest of us down with them.

Its sad and pathetic, really.

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3 Comments
  • Kelly says:

    This is an interesting thing to read after I finished watching the CBC’s “Hyper Parents and Coddled Kids”. It follows the generation of kids raised by parents who view their children as extensions of themselves and their egos. From pre-natal educational tapes right through to parents negotiating pay with their children’s employers. The end result? Children who are essentially, disabled. Unable to function in a society that they have to finally stand on their own two feet in. This is obviously going to extend into parenting as well. Here is Jessica, undoubtedly coddled all the way through her upbringing, parents clearing her path of any road bumps or steep hills and now here she is with a child of her own and Jessica can’t understand how it isn’t about her anymore.

    Let the rest of us learn from Jessica’s hobbling at the hands of her parents. Treat your kids like little princes and princesses and you are creating a dysfunctional child that the rest of society is going to have to deal with down the road.
    http://www.cbc.ca/documentaries/doczone/2010/hyperparents/

  • Daniel says:

    I don’t know that I’m 100% on board with “mom first”. It exposes just how flipped on its head these feminists view our culture. “Wife first, mom second” is not just the formula found in the Bible, it gives women a help with the mother thing (via the father), but it doesn’t leave them empty when the children invariably grow up and move out.

    There are times that mothers and fathers, to be good mothers and fathers, must make sacrifices and put their children’s needs first. It’s what you do, but it doesn’t represent a change in status; plus, if you have a parenting team, the burden on each parent is lighter.

    Feminism (particularly the quoted feminist) does doesn’t understand that. They’re selfish at their core; they wouldn’t know sacrifice if it bit them on their patriarchy-straw-man-fearing backsides.

  • words says:

    unfortunately, the only people who have children in the first place are selfish people. this life is clearly not “precious” or a “gift” when the downside risks are so painful, and there really isn’t much to gain. there is absolutely no altruistic reason for bringing children into the world. it’s a decision that is either assumed due to society or blinded by the psychology instilled in us by evolution- as we all are derived from a dna molecule with the function of replicating and nothing more, ions of evolution have wired us to want to have kids. but an intelligent and moral person would be able to judge life and simply understand that the possibility of contracting X number of excruciating diseases and ailments isn’t worth some walks in the park, and, really, what most people are focused on, which is continually gratifying their ego. ego gratification is insatiable, and whenever you win the ego fight against someone else, that’s just them losing. it’s impossible to feel good about yourself without comparing yourself to someone you deem to be in a worse position. the obvious determinism in existence renders such a battle meaningless- all living beings are metaphysically the same thing. the person who lost didn’t deserve to lose any more than you did. so why continue the cycle of life? not to mention the fact that at base level, living things are just need machines. if you have a child, you are just creating a slew of problems- things that need to be satisfied. the child will simply be sucking more resources from the world just to survive. it’s only an assumption that the child will be the one to cure cancer or do something that will outweigh all the pain it will cause by simply taking resources from other equally deserving sentient beings. attempting to fashion your child into the best janitor they can be for the mess on planet earth is a risk that is clearly not worth taking- consider the converse of that, which is that they are born a sociopath and rape and torture as many people as possible. also, realistically, the child will not have the ability to be completely ascetic and serve everyone other than himself- individuals are far too selfish, as natural selection has created them to be schemers for their own survival.

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