This weekend’s comedy relief is brought to you by none other than “shoe leather reporter”, Taylor Lorenz. Now, it appears Taylor has to fly for a work assignment and she is petrified.

Taylor Lorenz, in typical flame-fanning fashion, took to Twitter to solicit responses.

I have to fly soon for work & as someone who is medically vulnerable I’m so scared. All COVID precautions that keep high risk people safe have been dropped. I plan to keep an N95 on my face for all 7 hours w/ zero water breaks, but I’m scared it may not seal perfectly. Any tips?”-Taylor Lorenz

Wait, what? Work? This chick is still gainfully employed? She does know the mandate has been lifted, right?

All that aside, Taylor has to fly and she is scared of all of those unmasked, diseased people she may need to sit next to. Peasant droplets may sneak into the little rich girl from Greenwich’s N95. She’s a delicate flower who may wilt if she catches the ‘Rona. But Taylor wants the world to know she is a victim. She is immunocompromised, though she does not say with what exactly. Still, some of her fans came to her aid with recommendations.

You are choosing between your job and your health.
I’m sorry to have to put it bluntly, but I don’t think flying is safe right now for anyone, let alone someone medically vulnerable.

Anyone who flies right now for any reason has to be not thinking clearly.
Your job is not worth your life, people. If you die, you can’t work anyway!”

Oh, Lordy. Someone has not read about HEPA filters on airplanes, now have they? Oh, Taylor! You’re so brave…you’re risking your life up there!

Then, there’s this guy:

First in person commencement since 2019 @UMDPublicHealth – vaccinated, double boosted, N95 (passed quantitative fit test) and Germicidal UV with 222nm lamp behind me. @PHABlabumd @umdnow pic.twitter.com/3WvS6ebLO4

— Don Milton (@Don_Milton) May 19, 2022

A germicidal UV with 222nm lamp? Dear, God.

More suggestions. This one from Amie on Twitter:

When I needed to drink or take a bite of something when I flew last month, I inhaled with my n95 on, held my breath while I lowered the mask to eat/drink, and exhaled as I then put my mask back in place.

Also, I had my own personal fan to dilute any airborne virus around me.”-Amie

Is this like holding your breath when you go under water? Seriously. If you are even lowering that n95 to eat or to drink, you’re not that worried. And if you think your “breathing technique” is going to prevent you from an illness, you are something else. I’m sure she was a joy to sit next to.

Soledad O’Brien offered Taylor the suggestion to double-mask with a surgical mask over her n95. Lorenz responded in-kind:

Unfortunately that’s how a couple people I know have gotten COVID 🙁 Intermittent KN95/surgical masks just don’t cut it with these contagious strains and since I’m high risk the stakes are pretty high. I have to take it seriously so I don’t end up dead. Glad you’ve stayed safe.”-Taylor Lorenz

Some of the Twitterverse offered up some pretty epic suggestions for our dear Taylor:

pic.twitter.com/d9mr6zcgpd

— ⚡️ Man Alive ⚡️ (@bustin_jerkz) June 10, 2022

And, of course, add the caulk and superglue:

Superglue and then a layer of caulk around the edges.

— Joseph Massey (@jmasseypoet) June 11, 2022

The choice of mask is very, important, too, Taylor:

My friend and I recently flew from LAX to JFK and she got covid, but I didn't. I can only assume it was because she was wearing a regular, nondescript mask, and I was wearing this… pic.twitter.com/j2HbBmfUkU

— Pudgy Walsh (@Turbo_Clydesdal) June 10, 2022

Other suggestions? The list goes on. A personal bubble. Fly First Class (away from the diseased peons). A hazmat suit, an inflatable dinosaur suit, lead gloves, riding on the wing, opening the window, riding in the cargo hold are just a few. But the question regarding Taylor Lorenz and her flying anxiety is this: does Taylor Lorenz have a physical medical condition or a mental medical condition? I would bet that it is more of the latter. The poor, attention-seeking 40-something, who talks and sounds like a teenager, wants masking and flying advice from the Twitter community. She has to throw out there that she is compromised. If Taylor Lorenz is this worried about getting on a freaking airplane, should she not be consulting a medical professional and not Twitter?

As with any decision in life, Taylor, come consequences. Remember how you had to reckon with the consequences of your actions just a little over a month ago? You were not “afraid” to doxx some “right-wingers” in your “fearless journalism”, now were you? You’re so utterly “fearless”, but you’re afraid to get on an airplane? Give us a break! As a “Journalist of The People”, you must go into the war zone of that Boeing 737 to fight for Democracy Dying in The Darkness and talk about how you live in a country where life, liberty and “all the rest of it” stand for something.

My suggestion? A mask of shoe leather held in place with some Gorilla glue. Maybe, if we’re lucky, it will remain there. It may also prevent Monkeypox, Taylor. Now, sit back, relax and enjoy your flight.

Photo Credit: Original Artwork by Victory Girls’ Darleen Click