In case you don’t know who Roger Stone is, he’s an epically sleazy, opportunistic leech that attached itself to Donald Trump back in the 1980s, and now continues to use the President to gain notoriety and, of course, money by doing exactly nothing of use. Stone has been a galactic asshole (thanks to Victory Girl Toni for that turn of phrase) as far back as I can remember, so the news today that he’s been begging for money from what’s left of his frothing, rabid fan base by glomming onto Trump and his family and claiming victim status by association should come as a surprise to exactly no one.

But here he is, asking gullible, bugfuck loony idiots for cash, because surely the corrupt, crooked, lying special counsel is coming after him too, since he’s so close to the President and all!

And of course, it’s the Deep Derp State coming after him, because of his “good friend” President Trump.

Roger Stone is connected, you see.

Roger Stone is pals with the President.

Roger Stone is being victimized because of his association with the President.

So give him money, y’all! Because he’s a Donald Trump hero, who would never turn against the President!

I am being targeted not because I committed a crime, but because the ‘deep state’ liberals want to silence me and pressure me to testify against my good friend, President Donald J. Trump.”

Anyone who doesn’t see the scheme here is either an epic moron, or…

Nah, an epic moron pretty much does it.

Apparently Stone hasn’t had enough attention of late. After resigning (or being fired – no one is really sure) from the Trump campaign in 2015, with Trump calling Stone exactly what he is – a parasitic attention whore (I really don’t want publicity seekers who want to be on magazines or who are out for themselves, he said) – Stone continued attempts to suckle at the future President’s taint.

This was a guy who publicly threatened Republican delegates at the National Convention if they had the temerity to change their support.

This was the hunk of rotting garbage that maligned Ted Cruz, spreading accusations of infidelity, claiming Cruz’s father was somehow involved in the Kennedy assassination, and calling him a “treacherous prick” for refusing to actively endorse Trump at the convention (which he did later anyway), “Fat Dracula,” “Dumb son of a bitch,” and other choice monikers befitting an elementary school playground brawl, but certainly not a Presidential campaign.

And from his now-suspended Twitter account, Stone publicly and unabashedly called for the deaths of public figures, used racist terms against Herman Cain

In other words, Roger Stone is a dildo.

And because he’s been out of the public eye for a while, I’m guessing he needs a cash infusion. So once again, he hops onto Trump’s coattails and goes for a ride, hoping to advance the “I’m a victim by association” narrative to leech some cash from his acolytes.

First he tried to claim insider access by telling the media that he has it on good authority (and by that I’m pretty sure he means his fourth point of contact) that Donald Trump, Jr. will soon be indicted by Mueller for lying to the FBI.

“I [predict], based on excellent sourcing, that the special counsel is going to charge Donald Trump Jr. with lying to the FBI,” Stone told James Miller of the conservative online outlet The Political Insider. “Notice they’re not charging him for having an illegal meeting with a Russian at Trump Tower because there’s nothing illegal about that meeting.”

[…]

There has been, as yet, no confirmation that Trump Jr. had met with the FBI to discuss that or anything else. Stone did not immediately respond to a request from Newsweek’s on Saturday to clarify his comments, and confirm whether he was aware of a previously unknown interview the FBI conducted with Trump Jr.

After that “shocker” of a revelation didn’t stick, and the only other media outlet to pick up the story and run with it was the unhinged, Trump-deranged Newsweek that has about as much credibility as the now-defunct, mostly

fictional Weekly World News and its groundbreaking reporting on alien abductions, Stone decided to do a little fundraising by once again attaching his dentures to Trump’s ass, by first proclaiming that he wouldn’t have taken the Trump Tower meeting with the Russian attorney, because you know… he’s super smart like that, and then passively aggressively saying, “Not that there’s necessarily anything wrong with the fact that they did,” and then turning around and claiming he will be indicted, and please send him money!

I can’t even with this guy. He really needs to shut his facial-anal orifice for once and stop trying to exploit everyone around him.

So if you’d like to pour some extra money down the garbage disposal, because you just have too much cash, it would probably be a more worthy cause than lining the pockets of the morally corrupt douchebag Roger Stone.

But hey, it’s your money. Do with it what you will. Just don’t expect those of us with a shred of intelligence not to point and laugh at you.