Paltrow’s Marketing Ploy: Smell My Vagoop

Paltrow’s Marketing Ploy: Smell My Vagoop

Paltrow’s Marketing Ploy: Smell My Vagoop

Hollywood is keeping it classy once again. This from the files of Gwyneth Paltrow’s ridiculously over-priced lifestyle site, Goop. Wait for it, folks…it’s a candle. The scent? “Smells like My Vagina”.

People are dropping $75 a pop to sniff Gwynnie’s coochie, apparently. This from the website:

With a funny, gorgeous, sexy, and beautifully unexpected scent, this candle is made with geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed to put us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.”-Goop

Some people had other ideas of what will waft from this candle when lit (some comments NSFW):

Paltrow has created an empire for herself with the lifestyle and “wellness” site to include opening a New York boutique in an upscale neighborhood where women with more money than brains spend thousands of dollars on boring clothing ensembles combined with vitamin packs and Hermes purses. Hey, they’ve spent $120 on stickers to rebalance “energy frequencies” in their bodies. They’ve gone to the plastic surgeon and spent thousands on boob lifts because an article in Goop said “underwires cause breast cancer”. They’ve taken unhealthy (and medically dangerous) weight loss advice from Goop’s articles. Why wouldn’t they buy Gwyneth’s candle that smells like her va-jay-jay?

So, the big question is, is this the scent before or after she sticks the $66-dollar jade eggs and crystals up in there? Is this scent pre- or post- vaginal steam?

Jade eggs can help cultivate sexual energy, increase orgasm, balance the cycle, stimulate key reflexology around vaginal walls, tighten and tone, prevent uterine prolapse, increase control of the whole perineum and bladder, develop and clear chi pathways in the body, intensify feminine energy, and invigorate our life force.”-Goop

Or was it before Harvey Weinstein took his liberties? Oh, right. We forgot. Weinstein never had his way with Paltrow. She was part of the elite with plenty of her own trust fund to walk away and refuse his advances. Got it. Must be why she smells so…uh, “pristine”.

The whole “Smells Like My Vagina” bit stemmed from a conversation Paltrow had with her candle guru from Heretic Parfum. It started out as a joke and they both thought it would be a faaaaaaabulous idea to dub the scent as such. Seriously. What’s next? “Smells like my armpits”? “The Stench of My Louboutins After a Self-Aggrandizing Awards Show”? Perhaps Ms. Paltrow will bottle her “delightfully fruity”-flavored urine as a weight-loss serum? Or maybe market some of her “gritty, oaky, earthy with notes of berries and corn” excrement to infuse in a new clarifying facial scrub? Oh, so many options for overpriced crap await you at Goop on Bond Street! Because everyone wants to smell Gwyneth Paltrow’s intimate parts! She smells like Geranium, citrusy bergamot, cedar absolutes with a juxtaposition of Damask rose, after all. And she thinks her “scent” is funny, gorgeous and beautifully unexpected? Full of yourself much there, Gwyneth?

Why does some pretentious, elite, vacuous actress think anyone wants to smell her down there? And why, pray tell, are idiots buying this at $75-a-pop? I personally love the smell of Italian Bergamot. But a candle that may have otherwise smelled divine is now tainted with the scent of Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina! These self-important clods ruin just about everything. Imagine a guy marketing a candle like this to smell his nether-regions? Liberals would be all over it to get this operation shut down because a man is shoving his parts in the faces of would-be consumers. It’s perfectly okay though, for loonies like Paltrow to tie it all up in a pretty, overpriced package and shove their vaginas in the faces of consumers. While doing this, they bitch about how they are viewed as disposable sex symbols by the “patriarchy” and how their rights are violated and they demand respect. Vagina candles at $75 dollars each. This is one of the plethora of reasons why I hate these people.

Photo Credit: WikimediaCommons/Georges Biard [CC BY-SA (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)]

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16 Comments
  • Anchovy says:

    I, Anchovy, object.

  • Jim says:

    Are privacy and personal discretion now gone from ordinary social discourse? Is everything to be public? There are things of a private nature that I never want to know about other people [and, especially, their bodily functions].

  • Mad Celt says:

    Bill Clinton has several of these scattered around his office. Just the other day, when I dropped in, I commented that it must remind him of the Oval Office. It smells like cigars.

  • Dietrich says:

    Of all the questions, the one rising to the top is who is buying these? Men, or women?

    • Scott says:

      or one of the other 50 some “genders” these morons have come up with.. regardless of what’s between their legs, i think they all fall into the category for IDIOT!..

  • There’s something fishy about this.

  • Joe in PNG says:

    Credit where credit is due- there’s a pretty good market in products for rich, left leaning dingbats with more money than sense.

  • GWB says:

    women with more money than brains
    Well, this is a cross-gender problem, with different products and silliness. And the general problem is probably the biggest issue in our society today – why else would people spend vast sums to go to college and learn things without any critical thinking backing them up, and end up thinking “Yay, socialism!”?

    pre- or post- vaginal steam
    What does steamed yeast smell like?

    What’s next?
    WHAT?! Why are you giving away these marketing schemes for FREE?! You should be charging her if you’re going to give her ideas like this!

    Geranium, citrusy bergamot, cedar absolutes with a juxtaposition of Damask rose
    It smells like she planted flowers in there? o.O

    Imagine a guy marketing a candle like this to smell his nether-regions?
    The shape would be easier to maintain as the candle melted……..

  • RDM says:

    I swear, they are like little children, obsessed with ‘it’s not FAIR’ and bodily functions.

  • Mike says:

    Hey, but it’s Gwyneth Paltrow’s coochie, so, like, it’s really, really worth it, ya know?

  • Miller says:

    How about Robert De Niro sperm flavored toothpaste for the West Hollywood crowd?

  • Charles N. Steele says:

    Ick.

  • Aggie says:

    This might be a stupid question that I later regret asking, and maybe someone else has already answered it, but – how does she know?

  • Brian Brandtb says:

    No thanks, I’ll just open a tin of sardines.

  • Joe in PNG says:

    On reflection, it could be worse- it could be a candle that smells like her poop.
    After all, most celebs believe that their crap don’t stink.

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