North Dakota Woman to Hand Out “You’re Obese!” Letters on Halloween

North Dakota Woman to Hand Out “You’re Obese!” Letters on Halloween

On the eve of All Hallow’s Eve, with our tots preparing to take over our neighborhoods for a few hours of collecting candy in lieu of tricks, one woman in North Dakota has another idea: she’ll be handing out this letter, instead of candy and treats and trinkets, to her neighborhood’s children:

Instead of candy, a North Dakota woman will hand out these "You're Fat" letters to her neighborhood children.
A North Dakota woman, known only as Cheryl, plans to hand out these letters on Halloween.

In classic liberal think, Ms. Do Gooder has taken it upon herself to decide which of “our” kids are “moderately obese, in [her] opinion,” and which are not. In typical collectivist view, it is her sole responsibility to right the (obvious!) wrongs that all those overly-permissive parents in her “village”—you know, the ones who expect their kids to be kids and eat treats on Halloween—have committed. After all, she knows best and her opinion is Truth! Oh, but wait. Ms. Fat Fighter has overlooked one glaring detail: Just how does she plan to assess the BMI’s of the costumed kiddos rapping on her door? Will super-genius-lady have a scale and a BMI calculator? Will she demand that they remove their costumes—like the life-sized Velociraptor costume my daughter sported one year that took up the length of our living room, movable appendages and all—so she can assess their weight?  Or how about the kid who comes to the door dressed like Jabba the Hutt like in that kicky Verizon commercial? Will she be working on the honor system when he denies being “fat?” Or will there be streams of tots in tears fleeing her home after their witch-of-a-neighbor-lady has bullied them into a weight check and severely damaged their self-esteem? But, hey, it’s what eating disorders, and totalitarianism, are made of.

When asked by the hosts of the radio show she’d called into to brag about her plan why she doesn’t just hand out toys and stickers, Ms. BMI Buster responded that she doesn’t want to be “the mean lady” in her neighborhood, and that she doesn’t plan to withhold candy from any of the kids. Sure. Right. (No hypocrisy there.) It’s just the “moderately obese” ones who will leave her home with a little something extra tucked into their bags. Branding irons fabricated with the words “You’re Obese!” are apparently too harsh.

Now, I don’t want to be accused of inciting mischief, but…the daydreaming me is firmly in the Walter White/Breaking Bad “trick” camp of lobbing pepperoni pizzas onto her roof. Or a nice, sticky 18-pack of (organic!) eggs pitched on to the steps of her perfect home where everyone inside is beautiful, thin, and has free healthcare. It’ll make a good, fat-building snack when the food rationing begins.

Next year let’s all dress up as unicorns!

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23 Comments
  • GWB says:

    I’m thinking the 18 pack should be launched from the street, instead of set on the porch. And that should be for each and every child that receives a note. Oh, and we should demonstrate our free market superiority to Venezuela by also encasing her home and property in a display of American abundance – of toilet paper.

    And, yes, this is one of those cases where the law has no business, but “society” does, in terms of discouraging that sort of neighborly nosiness.

  • ALman says:

    For cryin’ out loud:

    Porch lights on: Trick or Treaters welcome
    Lights off: Don’t go to the house

    She can save the damn statement for an op-ed piece. Can’t the kids have some fun without adults dragging their issues into the picture?!

  • Kevin says:

    How do you know Cheryl is a liberal? The number of liberals in North Dakota are minuscule.

    • Jodi says:

      Kevin, it’s evidential. No conservative person has the phrase “it takes a village” in their lexicon or tries to shove their OPINIONS down the throats of others as Truth (like, say, I think your healthcare plan isn’t good enough, so I’m taking it away and forcing you to buy this one, which I think is good for you, regardless of how it affects you financially). Liberals reside everywhere. Just ask John “Whacko Bird” McCain.

      • GWB says:

        Notice, too, Jodi, the fallacy of “there are so few, so the likelihood that this is one is very small”. A total lack of understanding of statistics and mathematics.

      • Kevin says:

        Yeah, I know what you mean … things like, “you can’t make decisions about your own body” or “you don’t fit the mold of family so you can’t get married” or “you can’t tell me not to bring my 537 AK-47’s the park where your kids play” and other stuff like that. Unfortunately, there are morons everywhere.

        • Jodi says:

          Go to bed, Kevin. Your talking points are tired.

          • Jodi Giddings says:

            Oh, and Kevin, your beloved Democrats are all about choice…unless it involves what healthcare I CHOOSE to purchase, what speech I CHOOSE to speak, what thoughts I CHOOSE to think, what God I CHOOSE to worship, what car I CHOOSE to drive, or what damned candy bar I CHOOSE to stuff my face with. Etc Etc Etc.

            I used to be a Democrat….back when I erroneously believed they stood for the First Amendment and equality. The truth is, your side is full of racism and sexism. Own it.

        • If your “you can’t make decisions about your own body” is trotting out the old abortion trope, the response is that science hasn’t changed, and it isn’t just “her body” that we’re talking about.

          BTW, do you have a “response” to my correction of your welfare falacy yet, or was your response there Kevinspeak for “I don’t know what I’m talking about.”?

    • GWB says:

      Because “nosy busybody” and “progressive” are synonymous?

      • Catherine Wilkinson says:

        LOL…GWB. And I’ll bet a bag of doughnuts it was not only a liberal, but a feminist, pro-Hillary, anti-military, rather unattractive “life coach”.

        • Jodi Giddings says:

          Projecting her “spare tire” guilt (hey, don’t judge, I have one, too!) onto candy-seeking kids! ^^^

        • Kevin says:

          Be careful with all those doughnuts hanging around or you won’t be able to get any candy. All the Republicans are hoping that this “liberal, feminist, pro-Hillary, anti-military, rather unattractive life coach” doesn’t do what she did in 2012 and organize and get out the vote for Hillary. Actually, doesn’t North Dakota have a Democratic Senator? There’s a good chance it’ll go blue! 🙂

          • Jodi Giddings says:

            Wait, you just contradicted yourself:

            “The number of liberals in North Dakota are minuscule.”

            “Actually, doesn’t North Dakota have a Democratic Senator?”

            And where did you find the fact that “Cheryl” organized a GOTV in 2012? I must have missed that…

            Don’t tell me you forgot to check your facts before you posted…thrice!

            Here ya go: http://www.google.com 🙂

  • Ruthie Thompson says:

    I bet this was inspired by Michelle Obama. LOL! Great article, Jodi.

  • This is just a symptom of a series of much larger problems, both in the fact that “it takes a village” is perceived as this kind of license, and that there may be a condition of the type that Komrade Cheryl feels the need to address as any good party member should.

    What I have been pondering for close to a decade is whether the abdication of basic parenting is a happy coincidence or the product of statist planning and effort. Either way, power vacuums WILL be filled.

    I suggest reading Anthony Esolen’s essay on “Vampire Government” to get a glimpse of how this ends.

  • Deebow says:

    Someone’s house is getting egged and TP’ed this year.

    Probably by a group of large middle aged women….

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