March of the Beavers 2020

March of the Beavers 2020

March of the Beavers 2020

I’m pretty sure that the 2020 election will be informally known as the Year of the Vagina, with the subheading “March of the Beavers.” It seems that anyone who can waggle their womanhood on national television in order to get ahead will do so to the snaps of an adoring media (that’s what passes for applause nowadays, because actual clapping is triggering), and if your giblets just happen to be a Cooter of Color, so much the better.


If the left and its lapdog media have it their way, the race for the White House in 2020 will be decided by plumbing and if it isn’t, it’s because of misogyny!

If men are ahead in the Democratic primary so far, it’s only because they have more name recognition and because SEXISM, and Hillary Clinton only lost because of James Comey (he has a penis, you know!), because of Barack Obama’s determination to push the Trans-Pacific Partnership (he ostensibly has a penis as well), and because Bernie Sanders’ penis didn’t concede to Queen Pantsuit’s vagina in a timely manner, hyperventilates Vox.

So the next Presidential election will be all about the beavers, dammit!

I’m so sick and tired of feminists claiming that we need to elect a woman!

Men need to step aside. It’s time for a woman in the White House, say the clueless feminists, who think that painting women as incapable victims who just can’t fight the misogyny and sexism is somehow flattering.

Why? Because it’s only fair, claims Tech Ladies founder Allison Esposito. “We’re 51% of the population, so we should have that representation.”

We shouldn’t win the White House because we’re tough, intelligent, and capable. It’s because we’re 51 percent of the population.

And if a woman can’t win because of sexism and misogyny, what can a men do to appeal to the gyno-American voter? Well, pick a woman running mate, of course!

Two male candidates, Senator Cory Booker of New Jersey and Beto O’Rourke, the former Texas congressman, suggested this weekend that they would pick a woman as their vice president if they won the nomination.

Joe Biden’s advisors – before he even announced his candidacy – started spreading the rumor that the former VP was considering snagging failed Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams Grimace as his running mate.

Biden just went directly for the brass ring, so to speak. Knowing he’s an old, white, owner of what has to be the world’s most shriveled schlong that’s still attached to a living human, his advisers apparently decided that the best way to counteract those disadvantages was to float the idea of a black, progressive snatch owner who wants to redistribute wealth and take away your guns.

Nice job, Joe! She’ll cancel out your age and pallor!

Screen capture: CNBC

She wasn’t able to win the governorship in Georgia despite millions of dollars from donors outside the state and massive media coverage of the potential first black woman governor, and yet, the appeal of the first black woman vice president was apparently too strong.

You don’t have to win statewide office. You just have to be black and have a vagina.

You just need to fail to win a gubernatorial race and claim you won, but just “didn’t get to have the job.”

That will be enough to get you the coveted response slot to the State of the Union Address and perhaps even a spot on the ticket for Vice President of the United States.

Joe doesn’t have the furburger, so he has to draft one as his token.

And if you think the tokenism is insulting to women, Alexis Grenell of the Daily Beast will blow you away with her clueless, feminist squealing. See, Grenell doesn’t think women can win on their own merits, so she’s urging all the men in the race for the Democratic nomination to drop out.

I voted proudly for Bernie in the 2016 Democratic primary, and defended him against charges of sexism. Now I can’t stand the sight of his name in my inbox proclaiming “not me, us,” if I’ll just chip in $3. This isn’t the improbable populist who stepped off the sidelines to wrest control of the Democratic Party from its centrist drift into corporate dependence. That man started a movement that produced shockwaves across the country, and in Congress with the election of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and others.

There’s no substantive reason to run this time around with Warren in the field, but instead of helping his ideological twin become the first female president, he’s centering himself. “Not us, but me,” seems more accurate.

Bernie should drop out, Grenell claims. Fauxcahontas, who lied her way through her career in law by claiming to be Native American, should be propped up by a septuagenarian socialist because, she just can’t do it on her own. Hell, she falsified her background to gain a professional advantage, maybe she really can’t compete with the froth-flecked blathering of the man who spent his honeymoon half naked with a bunch of drunken Soviets.

And that’s why Bernie and other men should just step back and let women “do their thing.”

These women don’t get it.

They are treating the Presidency like it’s some kind of playground game, as if now it’s the girls’ turn – skill and ability be damned.

Except they can’t do it if the white men are in it. They can’t win because Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Beto O’Rourke’s public sausage fest is sucking all the oxygen in the room. Women just can’t compete, according to these mental midgets, and that’s why the men should just step aside.

The beavers are marching in, boys!

Being President of the United States is a job. It’s arguably the most important job in the world. It’s difficult. It’s interesting. If you fail at this job, the entire world is at stake – the global economy, geopolitics, the balance of power, military deployments – everything depends on the President being able to do his or her job.

It’s not about what’s fair. It’s about who can do the job best, and that person may very well be a woman, but she shouldn’t get the job because of her XX chromosome. These candidates are vying for a job that literally impacts every human being on earth, and what are carrying around in their underwear shouldn’t even occur to us.

We must examine all the issues, look closely at the candidates, and make the best decision possible for our country, plumbing be damned.


Featured photo courtesy of Pixabay (license)


Written by

Marta Hernandez is an immigrant, writer, editor, science fiction fan (especially military sci-fi), and a lover of freedom, her children, her husband and her pets. She loves to shoot, and range time is sacred, as is her hiking obsession, especially if we’re talking the European Alps. She is an avid caffeine and TWD addict, and wants to own otters, sloths, wallabies, koalas, and wombats when she grows up.

  • GWB says:

    Three things….

    First: DAMN, Marta. *smh*

    Second, I really thought this was going to turn out to be about the Oregon team in the Final Four or something. (No, I have no idea if they’re in any tournament, at all. I didn’t even know the tournament was ongoing.)

    Third, I would gladly vote for the right woman. I’d vote for Haley/Cruz in 2024. Or Cruz/Haley. Or Haley/Bolton. Or Loesch/Haley? Sadly, there’s a very small selection of anyone I would willingly vote for as President or Vice-President in the near future. (BTW, if the Dems put a competent woman – IOW, NOT Abrams, or any of the other current contenderettes – on the ticket as VP, it won’t be a first. It will likely end up with the same fate as the first/last time the Dems ran an idiot with a woman to “bolster the ticket”. Anyone remember the name of Walter Mondale’s running mate?)

  • Richard C Youghn says:

    Oh, that kind of Beaver. The one who hides the Crotch Mess Monster!

  • Jack_of_Spades says:

    Of course, when feminists say “women”, they mean “the wokest feminists in, like, ever.” Not women like Sarah Palin or Laura Ingraham.

    • GWB says:

      And certainly not double traitors like Candace Owens or Nikki Haley or Michelle Malkin or Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who have supposedly betrayed their race as well as their gender.

  • Great writeup Marta’.

  • windbag says:

    My wife’s 4-H club name was the Eager Beavers. That was back in the 1960s. Innocence lost.

  • DG says:

    Writer Marta Hernandez must have laughed all the way through this. Despite the irreverent tone, she hits the mark.

    • Marta Hernandez says:

      I won’t lie. I giggled. I just sat down and said, “there will be vaginal euphemism alliterations!

  • Russ Wood says:

    My wife effectively runs our retirement village, after retiring from a successful career in IT. She’s able to do this because I support her, do all of the cooking, and a fair share of other domestic chores. Now, given a female POTUS, just what kind of support will SHE need?

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