No, I wasn’t being sarcastic with that title. China – the land that has murdered literally millions of its own citizens since the 1950s, and whose “cultural revolution” alone killed as many as 1.5 million people in rural China – has seen it fit to lecture America on human rights.

*mumble*SOMETHINGSOMETHINGTANKTIANANMENSQUAREPROTESTSSOMETHING*mumble*

Not from the Onion.

China apparently considers itself to be a kinder, gentler regime that has gun control in order to protect human life, which they value oh-so-much!

“Washington has been pointing an accusing finger at other countries over human rights … However, more Americans have been killed by gunfire in the country than American soldiers being killed in all U.S. wars,” the Global Times said.

“Gun ownership in China is strictly regulated, which helps reduce gun-related crimes and deaths. The U.S. should learn from China and genuinely protect human rights,” it said.

Excuse me while I spew coffee from my nose.

If the irony was any richer here, it would be Scrooge McDuck diving into a pool of money!

A country that has for decades limited families to only having one child, resulting in the murder of millions of children, and that has “eased” that policy in recent years, graciously allowing families to have two kids (note the sarcasm in that statement), sees it fit to lecture us on human rights.

A country that considers freedom of expression as a “privilege,” and not a right, has the temerity to give us “advice”on human rights.

A country that has the death penalty for 46 – FORTY SIX – different crimes, including drug trafficking, public disorder, bribery, endangering national security (which of course involves any criticism of the regime), and robbery (although apparently some reforms now take the death penalty off the table for people 75 years or older, so there’s that); has huge false conviction rates that often involve capital crimes; executed more than 1,600 prisoners in 2016 alone; and until 2014 had trafficked in organs from executed prisoners, has the balls to criticize our human rights record!

In an editorial, titled, “China can offer lessons to US in protecting human rights,” China’s state-run birdcage liner wagged a disapproving finger at the United States for “allowing” the citizens the right to keep and bear arms in light of the Parkland massacre, perpetuated by a psychotic murderer, whom the very government that statists and the Chinese (but I repeat myself) want to have a monopoly on force, failed to stop after numerous reports prior to the shooting!

If we look back in history, the US was founded on the use of firearms. The right to gun ownership is regulated by the Second Amendment to the Constitution. Opponents of gun control argue that the Constitution guarantees them the absolute right to own guns. However, the situation of the US now is different from that of more than 200 years ago when protection of gun ownership was written into the law.

First, setting aside the complex discussion of America’s founding, I encourage you to note the similarities between the gun grabber arguments and those of the communist Chinese. Both sets of statist tyrant scum claim that when the Founding Fathers wrote the Second Amendment, they couldn’t have possibly meant rifles and machine guns, because they didn’t even exist back then, and they couldn’t have envisioned the “carnage.”

Let us debunk the froth-flecked DERP. Automatic weapons did, indeed, exist back then, so I’m fairly sure the Founders didn’t even need to use those brilliant brains of theirs to imagine their presence. The Constitution was ratified in 1788. In 1777, Philadelphia gunsmith John Belton introduced the Belton Flintlock to the Continental Congress. No imagination needed there, boys and girls.

So eat it, gun grabbers. Your argument is invalid, unless you’re writing your DERP on some parchment with a quill, instead of on the Internet that the Founders also must not have envisioned to have been protected by the First Amendment.

Second, since when does the Second Amendment REGULATE gun ownership? Those silly little words simply protect an existing right. “The right is not granted by the amendment; its existence is assumed,” said the late Roy Copperud, an acknowledged English language expert.

Ah, but the Chinese, whose first language isn’t English, wouldn’t actually understand the concept of an existing right, if it jumped up and bit them on their shriveled yambags, so we can forgive them this little mistake, right?

Nope. Not when their entire article is filled with propaganda bullshit such as…

The US has no other choice but to adopt gun control. The right of life is the most fundamental human rights. The right to bear arms cannot overpower the individual’s right to live.

You know what makes us so great, China? The fact that the US does have a choice.

We have a choice about whom we elect to make laws.

We have a choice about whom we elect to lead our nation.

We have a choice about what firearms we do or do not want to possess in our homes, if any at all.

We have a choice about when we speak and what we say, even if it is critical of our elected officials, without fear of government retribution.

And that choice is protected by the very right you tyrannical monkeys are encouraging America to destroy, and make no mistake – those of us with a brain that’s a bit more powerful than that of a stoned marmoset, fully understand why. The right to keep and bear arms is enshrined in our Constitution, because the Founding Fathers understood that an armed populace is the last bulwark against a tyrannical state…

…a state that regulates the right to speak and be critical of one’s government, that imposes limits on families, that murders its own citizens and sells their organs for a profit.

A state like… well… China!

In a single State, if the persons intrusted with supreme power become usurpers, the different parcels, subdivisions, or districts of which it consists, having no distinct government in each, can take no regular measures for defense.

The citizens must rush tumultuously to arms, without concert, without system, without resource; except in their courage and despair.

But China’s state-controlled rag doesn’t want you to look at the facts. The Chinese conveniently provide a bright, shiny object to distract you from the truth: that China has no room to discuss human rights, and no moral authority whatsoever to criticize our human rights record.

Gun ownership in China is strictly regulated, which helps reduce gun-related crimes and deaths. The US should learn from China and genuinely protect human rights. If the US does not control its guns, problems caused by firearms in the foreseeable future will continue plaguing US society.

When we want advice on knife rampages that result in attacks on school children, blatant disregard for human life, and prosecution of people who work to protect dissidents, we’ll turn to China.

But for now, I cordially invite China and it’s government-controlled propaganda organ to eat a large bag of clap-infected phalli.