We’ve seen Hillary and Chelsea, the “gutsy”, mother-daughter duo, clown around in Paris, eat hate brunch in Alabama and now, doink doink… they’re talking panties, the paddle and justice for all! Here we go with number three: Gutsy Women Seek Justice.

The segment starts in New York City where the gruesome twosome gets coffee from a coffee cart and squeals when they meet their first guest of this episode’s lineup… Law and Order SVU’s Mariska Hargitay. After a few seconds of cackling, the conversation circles back to Marissa‘s role in Law and Order SVU.

Of course they do this over tea. I’m not sure what the obsession with tea with these women yet here they are-sipping away on a New York afternoon. Mariska opens up about being sexually assaulted. I find it quite amusing that a woman who one bullied other women who were going to open up and talk about how her husband sexually assaulted them is talking with someone about sexual abuse. A woman who posed with Harvey Weinstein. So much for #MeToo. A woman knew her husband was going with a guy who was “like a brother” to a Caribbean island to have sex with underage girls. Now, she wants to champion justice?

Hillary talks about “the last time she wore a skirt” and why she, apparently, made the transition to pantsuits.

When I was First Lady, I went to Brazil. I had on-you know-a nice kind of First Lady skirt-suit. We had a nice conversation. The press came in…they had a sort of-what was called a ‘press spray’ so they has all these photographers. So, we finished the meeting, we finish the visit…I go back to-you know-The White House AND somebody has taken a picture up my skirt. ANNNND…has Billboards in Rio selling a certain brand of underwear.”-Hillary Clinton

Gasps from the peanut gallery. I know what YOU are thinking: Good Lord, no one wants to see that!

You really couldn’t see all the way up but it was suggestive and that DID effect my thinking. So, I was going to run for office and I thought, ‘I don’t need that’.”-Hillary Clinton

More tea-sipping with Mariska. And then Chelsea grabs her secret service posse and car (no subway ride, that’s for damn sure) on a “gutsy” side trip to see Katrina Cooke Brownlee, Founder of Young Ladies of Our Future to take her self-defense class in the Brownsville neighborhood of Brooklyn. Chelsea has a revelation:

I’ve only had one other self-defense class before.”-Chelsea Clinton

I wonder why? Perhaps because you had armed security detail following you and guarding your six every. second. of. your. life? They probably came along on this filming. Those inner-city girls have probably never felt so safe in their lives.

Chelsea talks to Katrina who was married to and abused by a cop. Katrina became a cop despite it all. But male cops are bad. And the policing system is broken. The prison and justice system are even more broken. Just ask Kim Kardashian.

From vapid reality shows, to baring her surgically-altered ass in Paper magazine in a shot that broke the Internet, to teaming up with ex-husband, Kanye West and other fake, celebrity “pastors” on Sunday Services:

After failing the exam three times in two years, Kardashian has just finished the baby bar exam, yo. If Kim keeps going, and takes the actual bar, she will be a lawyer. Her focus? Criminal justice reform. Kim and Hillary play a gutsy little game where Hillary is asked to “distinguish extortion/blackmail and robbery”. (Oy.) Kardashian beats Clinton at the buzzer game, 11 to 4.

Kim is not done as a law apprentice. Why is she willing to “fight so hard”? Well, because, “if my kids were to get arrested, they just don’t have as good of a chance as if I were to get arrested,” she says.

Why Kim? Because they’re half Kanye? Just come out and say it for the cameras. Trust me, they bear the name Kardashian-West. They will be fine in their little Calabasas bubble. If they do anything naughty, they will just get a slap on their wrists and their family of lawyers will defend them. Then Chelsea chimes in:

“Your kids would not have as good of a chance as my white kids….”-Chelsea Clinton

Chelsea, you are not helping here. Your kids shouldn’t go to jail. You mom should.

The gutsy women leave vapid, shallow Los Angeles and go back to New York City, where they join Mariska Hargitay again to tell stories over more tea. Chelsea gets up to tell the story of the time a male, elementary-school classmate who told her to give the teacher a complement by saying the f-word to said teacher. She was in Alabama and they still “administered the paddle back in those days”. So, Chelsea got paddled for saying the “f” word all because of a boy. They are big, bullies, aren’t they? Unjust punishment and abuse because of this big bully.

Hillary, too, got “paddled”. By a big, mean, Orange bully, we suppose. Here were go again with a reaching metaphor. Don’t let it define you. Don’t dwell on it. Pick yourself up and try again. Get a company to travel around with you while you oh-so-passively-aggressively throw shade and try to be subtle about your political platforms while pretending to care about the “little people”. Why? Because you are gutsy.

And we’re off with Hillary venturing to Northern California to chat with The Yurok Tribal Council, Judge Abby Abinanti. Judge Abby was the first Native American woman admitted to the State Bar of California.

Our sole purpose of this life is to bring balance back to the Earth. By putting down the bad things and lifting up the good things, it’s our belief we bring the world back into balance again.”-Judge Abby Abinanti

We can only pray for balance and justice to be restored again. One thing for sure is there is no balance with these two and no one, I repeat, no one should trust either one of them with this balance.

Doink-doink.

Photo Credit: Original Artwork by VG, Darleen Click