As an megachurch attendee in exile, I’ve heard plenty of twisted scripture in my days that made a few eyebrows in the sanctuary raise. But the scripture, according to James Talarico, who beat out Jasmine The Potty Mouth Crockett, is something to behold.

James Talarico is not getting up on his pulpit justifying his multi-million dollar home and sports car as “God’s promises” whilst asking for your first fruits. James Talarico has a special way of twisting the Bible to benefit his left-leaning ideology that got him the vote. Remember Beto O’Rourke who put one of his kid’s turds in a bowl and told his wife it was avocado? Hold my Twisted Tea…

James Talarico believes in God. This is where things get FUBAR. James Talarico also believes God to be nonbinary. He further believes that Jesus condoned homosexuality because “it wasn’t mentioned in the New Testament”. Talarico, in fact, is very impressed with his Biblical knowledge (and himself):

His approach may be different. But James Talarico is just as bad as the “intolerant” Christians he talks about. You know the ones. The ones who think God is a HE. The ones who think the trans-ing of children is child abuse. God is nonbinary, after all:

The first two lines of the Bible, the first two lines in Genesis, use two different Hebrew words to describe God: one is the masculine Hebrew noun for divinity; the second is the feminine Hebrew noun for spirit. God is both masculine and feminine, and everything in between. God is nonbinary.”-James Talarico

The roaring lion Talarico is not. He speaks gently. He is not at all bombastic. He looks like an altar boy with his side-part and clean-shaven, youthful face. Harmless, right?

He knows exactly what he is doing.

Wolf in sheep's clothing.

— Collin Rugg (@CollinRugg) March 4, 2026

Here’s where things get more twisted. James Talarico believes mortal humans create man in OUR image:

That’s the infinite multitude of God, the masculine, the feminine, and everything in between. Trans children are God’s children, made in God’s own image. There’s nothing wrong with them, nothing at all. They are perfect, they are beautiful, and they are sacred.”-James Talarico

The same God who knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb, who knows every hair on our heads. He destined us to be the perfect, beautiful, sacred humans in HIS image. He destined us to be male or female, excluding the few and far between cases of hermaphroditism.

Children ARE perfect. And no, children should NEVER be bullied. But, children are perfect AS THEY ARE. Adults encouraging them to mutilate themselves beyond recognition before they grow into their own bodies and have the sense to understand the gravity of what they are doing to themselves physically and mentally IS, in fact, bullying. Adults encouraging them to think about their sexual orientation, to obsess on it even, before they know how to say their ABCs or do basic math, is, indeed, the act of the devil.

It is no shock to us then, that James Talarico, received his Masters in EDUCATION from Harvard. I can see liberal teachers’ unions nationwide swooning in unison. He IS their messiah.

Talarico also believes abortion is “Biblical”. Why? Because the Bible doesn’t mention it. Jesus never talked about it. That Mary, mother of Jesus, “had a choice in whether to carry her pregnancy”.

Yes, genius. She chose to obey God and carry her pregnancy. She was young. She was unprepared. She was probably confused and perplexed and scared. She did it anyway. She did not say, “I have a career and don’t have time to give birth to your Son”. She did not say, “giving birth to your Son is inconvenient and will ruin my body forever”. As a result, Mary GAVE BIRTH to the most consequential human to ever walk the face of this earth. Both God-and MAN.

Man the republicans are actually scared, aren't they?

The organized smear campaigns and targeted propaganda posts are ramping up hard.

— Dusty (@Dusty_traders) March 4, 2026

We’re not scared for us. We’re scared for the children. But, keep on with that narrative if it makes you all feel better as you bow to the altar of Baal. I will reference Psalm 139:14, “fearfully and wonderfully made”. Abortion stomps all over this notion. It tells children, sacred, perfect, beautiful (Talarico’s words) children that they are disposable, unwanted, a mere “clump of cells”, a mistake.

pic.twitter.com/OkdrmkHTru

— Backyard Faith & Grit (@GA_BFG) March 4, 2026

In many ways, this is so much worse than putting a turd in a bowl and calling it an “avocado”. Jesus, take the wheel-this scripture is more twisted than a Texas tornado in the spring. May God (HE, HIM, HIS) bless Texas.

Photo Credit: Antonioaesparza, CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons/Cropped