Keep Portland Weird, they said. We are progressive, they said. We are woke, they said. The bakery sign said closed. RACISTS MUST BE FIRED, the boss said.

Here’s the story: the Back to Eden Bakery of Portland, Oregon, was closed. No one disputes that. There were customers still in the store who had entered before the 9 pm closing time. They were still being served. But that’s where the social justice begins.

The incident occurred in early May and is now circulating in the news, garnering a strong public response on Facebook and social media. A woman named only as “Lillian” entered the bakery at 9:06 p.m. after the shop had already closed, according to the bakeshop’s Facebook post about the event. Confusion arose because the shop was unusually busy for the late hour and there were still a few customers in line who the shop agreed to serve but who’d been informed the shop was officially closed. The lighted “Open” sign had been turned off.

After the bakeshop employees informed Lillian that they were officially closed and they could serve no more customers, Lillian video recorded the experience and claimed the bakery was racist because it served the two white women who had arrived at the shop earlier, but refused to serve her.

Cue the video. (Language warning.)

Cue the accusatory Facebook comments. Cue the apology in which the owner FIRES THE EMPLOYEES FOR SAYING THE STORE WAS CLOSED.

Yes, you read that right. Can you make any sense of this word salad?

Lillian, we are so incredibly sorry for the treatment you received from someone on our staff. What you experienced in our shop is absolutely egregious and we are already taking all of the necessary steps to deal with this appropriately. First and foremost, we have let the two staff members go immediately as there will never be room in our organization for anyone who is inclined to give such poor customer service. Admittedly we have had issues with staff trying to enforce our closing hours too firmly without being sensitive to the fact that that person came out of their way to support our business. Whatever their reason for denying you service is not acceptable and flies directly in the face of the experience we aim to provide our customers.

But we also recognize that simply firing the employees in question is not nearly enough to fully address the incident. Even though a very large portion of our staff are women of color and/or members of the LGBTQPOC community it is clear that we obviously have some more work to do to make sure that every single person we employ upholds our values and commitments. We have been supporters of the Equity and Beyond Workshops led by local social justice advocate Cameron Whitten and will be seeking opportunities to provide inclusivity training for our organization moving forward. Already in the works, we are donating 10% of our Mother’s Day sales to the Black Mama Bail Out Project and will begin hosting Brown Hope, a reparations happy hour to directly support the Black community that supports us.

Knowing that we are doing business in a gentrified neighborhood in a racist city within a racist state of a racist country we see it as our moral and personal responsibility to use our platform and privilege to support marginalized communities, educate the public about the very serious issues facing people of color and demand meaningful change. We are not only allied with you but we would like to consider ourselves fully committed along with you to the social justice revolution this country sorely needs.

When is a closing time not a closing time? When Lillian wants a dessert, apparently. And this is the owner talking! If the owner wants to change the rules for his employees, maybe he should – oh, I don’t know, CHANGE THE CLOSING TIME OF THE STORE?

The terrible thing is, the two employees probably think they deserved to be fired.

But wait! Another customer who was there that night speaks!

So, the owner, in a panic that he won’t be seen as “woke” enough by the patrons of his gluten-free, vegetarian/vegan bakery in ultra-left-wing-hipster Portland, spews a word salad that TL;DR means: “we are so woke, please don’t boycott us.”

Portlandia couldn’t have done it any better.

So, just be aware, if you ever happen to pass by the Back To Eden Bakery – the customer is always right. So if you demand service and don’t get it because the bakery had the temerity to close, know that the owner will profoundly apologize and fire employees just to satisfy your sense of outrage.

And if you are a current employee of this idiot – quit today. Your boss doesn’t respect you, or the rules he created, and sees you as props in his quest for hipster dollars and accolades. Get out now, instead of walking around scared that you will be the next person fired to satisfy the mob’s need for justice.