Om nom nom nom. That smacking sound you hear is not Bernie Sanders spitting his apple sauce as he passionately – and incoherently – sputters socialist ideals raising his impotent, arthritic fist in a pale imitation of the people’s power. It’s the sound of today’s proglodytes chowing down on the stale remains of The Bern, gnawing on the bones and sucking out the marrow.

Because yesterday’s progressive hero is no longer progressive enough for today’s leftists. He does not genuflect before their holy cause du jour, which today is the abolition of ICE and open borders, because somehow entering a country that isn’t yours and getting free shit at others’ expense is somehow a human right, and ICE stands in the way of this righteous goal, and therefore ole Bernie is out.

Sanders could be a source of consistent, left-wing pressure on party leadership, whether or not he runs in 2020. If he intends to build a lasting political movement out of the remnants of his last presidential campaign, he’ll need to become an effective counterweight to the mainstream Democratic Party. But based on his ICE comments and the uneven results of his campaign efforts, Sanders no longer seems like such a sure figurehead for disgruntled Democratic voters.

And just like that, it’s “Bye, bye Bernie.” And this is a man who once referred to Hillary Clinton as “not a real progressive,” so I guess he was one of the first devourers of the “infidels,” so I suppose it’s only fair that he become food for the ravenous proglodytes when he inevitably shows signs of some cultural shortcomings.

The Bern isn’t the only victim of today’s predatory commujizzm.

No need to rehash the Left’s heinous attempts to destroy some of our most cherished historical figures. Thomas Jefferson and other Founders are to be erased from history because they owned slaves – a practice that was perfectly legal and acceptable at the time.

We all remember the toppling of the Civil War monuments across the country.

Schools are being renamed to hide any mention of “horrible” people like Robert E. Lee and others who are bound to trigger the weak-minded.

Panthers quarterback Cam Newton – who, by all accounts, is an arrogant, rude dick – was the darling of the progressive left until he made a snarky, crude remark to a female reporter. All of a sudden, endorsements were pulled and he was widely condemned, because virtue signaling your commitment to diversity or some shit is more important than simply reprimanding someone for being a rude dick and moving on with your life.

The raunchy movie Sausage Party angered the social justice zealots because they can’t even chill out enough to appreciate the hilarity of an animated Latina lesbian taco with the voice of Salma Hayek, without angrily evaluating its social impact!

More recently, the fembeciles took aim at the show Big Bang Theory, because TOXIC GEEK MASCULINITY!

In order to make their point that geek masculinity is “an inevitable evolution of hegemonic masculinity in a culture where dominance and technical mastery are increasingly interwoven,” the two professors point to an episode of The Big Bang Theory titled “The Contractual Obligation Implementation.” In the episode, three geeky male scientists go to a local high school to talk with teenagers about careers in STEM, a storyline that the professors claim is actually an example of “empty feminism” because the show does not explicitly address the gender disparities that they argue exist within STEM fields.

The University of Virginia has recently hired a private firm to monitor their students social media posts for WrongThink. In the name of “safety,” of course, because today’s special snowflakes need safe spaces free of triggers and microaggressions to be able to function.

However, it’s not just the feeble minded snowflakes that need the social justice zealots to take up their cause. The zealots themselves need continued offenses, continued oppression, and continued grievances to fight against, lest they perish and be forgotten after their victories over the hegemonic evil of the cishetwhitepatriarchal oppression.

These grievance-mongering shitweasels can’t exist without an enemy, and when they run out of adversaries to vanquish, they have to create new ones.

Hence, their heroic champions of all things progressive of yesterday become the villains of today. It is no longer enough to broadly agree with their goals, no matter how ridiculous, you must change when they change; you must actively advocate the destruction of anything they despise; you must work to defend even their most absurd notions; and you must never, ever acknowledge their hypocrisy, their lack of historical perspective, their empty, unhinged hatred, and their lack of decency.

When they create “rights” out of thin air, you must welcome the concept with all the enthusiasm of a five year old opening presents at a birthday party. When they condemn natural rights such as free speech or freedom of association as patriarchal oppression, you must nod in agreement and then vocally denounce these rights and advocate for their destruction. When they condemn property rights as a folly of white privilege and advocate the use of government force to steal and redistribute it, you must happily support their tyranny, because it’s only fair that those who can’t or won’t get their fair share at the expense of those who can and do.

Invariably, when they run out of adversaries, they will begin to munch on your viscera, but you might last a little longer than most if you continue to embrace even their most violent, tyrannical notions.

Apparently Bernie just didn’t move fast enough for the proglodytes’ tastes. He’s now dinner.

Next thing you know, they will condemn him as a conservative and relegate his remains to the scrapheap of progressivism.

I look forward to the day they consume all allies, and all that’s left of the progressive movement is a couple of unwashed, rainbow-haired sheanderthals, living in their parents’ basements and impotently pounding away on their keyboards with Cheeto-stained fingers while prattling on about the oppression of their vagenda.