Seven Things We Won’t Miss About Michelle Obama

Seven Things We Won’t Miss About Michelle Obama

Seven Things We Won’t Miss About Michelle Obama

A moving van was spotted outside of the White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington D.C. The moving van was like a crocus in the snow. A reminder that we just have to make it to the third Friday in January. January 20, 2017 and Barack and Michelle Obama will be out of the White House. Not in sixteen years have I been so excited about a moving van at the White House.

Moving van outside of the White House

Barack Obama was bad enough with his phone and pen and golf and fundamental transformation and hatred of the Constitution and all that implies. We have had to put up with First Lady (pardon the expression) Michelle Obama for the last 80 years. No, it was only eight. It has just felt like 80 years.

National Review published an article “Mrs. Obama, We Are Not Your Kids” written by Julie Gunlock. Miss Gunlock has taken exception to Mrs. Obama and her infantilization of us growed up type American citizens. I don’t blame Julie Gunlock. Mrs. Obama is flat annoying.

May I just take a moment to say that Gunlock is the best last name EVER. Campus cupcakes would eat their crayons upon hearing your last name over the loudspeaker. Garsh, how wonderful.

From the moment Michelle Obama galumphed in to the nation’s consciousness, she has been gushed over by the glitterati. We, the great unwashed, have gone “Whut the?”.

Let’s dish.

1. Mrs. Obama was praised for her fashion sense. Fashion journo Kate Betts wrote a book about her called “Everyday Icon: Michelle Obama and the Power of Style”. You mean this “Power of Style”:

This is not an episode of “What Not To Wear”

I’ll stick to my leggings and t shirts.

2. Mrs. Obama was praised for her “Let’s Move Campaign”. She was praised for her arms. Her brother may be an athlete, but there is nothing that says gym rat about Michelle Obama.

Michelle Obama escorts Stevie Wonder on to a stage.

3. Mrs. Obama and the school lunch program fail. Mrs. Obama was praised for tackling (almost literally) the problem of childhood obesity in America. Mrs. Obama shoveled waygu beef and ribs into her maw while she starved the youth of America. This resulted in a great video though. The kids got creative with their hunger:

4. Mrs. Obama was finally proud of her country. Who could forget:

Eight years later, thanks to the EPA regulations the farmer can’t farm and the Southside of Chicago is on fire.

But, what about Hope?

5. Mrs. Obama was forced to live for eight years in a house built by slaves:

A lot of European immigrants built the White House too. We fought a war over slavery. And, Mrs. Obama is in the top 1% of the top 1%. She must race bait.

6. Mrs. Obama and her vacays. Mrs. Obama took a lot of vacations. Even when Barack and Michelle Obama were going to the same place, she wouldn’t fly on the same flight. Well, if you lived in a house build by slaves (some), wouldn’t you get away as much as you could? Barack Obama is a bore (not of the John Kerry scale). Would you want to fly with Barack Obama? I didn’t think so.

And, on her way out of the White House doors (held open by U.S. Marines)

7. Michelle Obama has no hope. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey, Mrs. Obama said:

Mrs. Obama is now hopeless.

Which brings us back to the National Review piece by Julie (great name) Gunlock. We are not children. I have never looked to the President of the United States for how to react to things in my world. The kids have grown up, Michelle Obama. The kids have hope. The kids are alright!

So long. Farewell. Buh bye!

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4 Comments
  • creeper says:

    Pardon me for pointing out the obvious but Michelle Obama has always been hopeless.

  • Rusty Shackleford says:

    I think you meant to say “The Top Seven Things We Won’t Miss About Michelle Obama.” I could add several more but I had a delicious breakfast and I want it to stay in my stomach, not on my computer screen!

    • Max Redline says:

      No kidding! Mooch has been a long-running embarrassment. Sort of like her “husband”, in that regard.

      I’m buying stock in House freshener.

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