A few weeks short of the 56th anniversary of JFK’s tragic and fateful day in Dallas – Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States was killed in Manhattan by a sharpened Lawn Dart as he left Trump Tower after a Bon Voyage party with friends and New York Staff before moving his residence to Florida. 

Reaction was swift and brutal…

The New York Times – Bullseye. Presidential Judgement Day. A Final Reckoning. “Numerous Law firms have leapt to defend the alleged tosser, a mild mannered professor of Political Science, as offers from NY Publishers and Hollywood pour in. The Dart Tosser has retained United Talent Agency as . . .” 

The Daily News – New York to Trump, Drop Dead. 

The Washington Post: NYU Poly Sci Professor’s Final Class— “The dedicated academic was a quiet, single, cat owner and a favorite of students . . .”

Lost Angeles Times: “Lawn Darting the new Homeless Hunger Game.”

ABCCBSNBCCNNMSNBC: “Professor Blumkin, a man of Gravitas and Hand of God”

Fox News, Judge Napolitano: “The Truth is the Best Defense”

The New Yorker – “The Squad to Host Lawn Dart Championship on Capital Steps”

Vox: “Millennials Ask, “What’s a Lawn Dart?”

Axios: “What’s Vox?” 

From the world of advocacy: 

ACLU – “Character Assassination of Professor Tayyip Erdogan Blumkin Highly Suspect.”

ABA – “Professor Blumkin Awarded Honorary Juris Doctorate”

CAIR – “Even if not Muslim, Professor Blumkin a deeply spiritual man.” 

SPLC – “We Didn’t Do It.” 

Brooklyn Democrat Club – “Borough Carves Out District in Brooklyn for Additional Blumkin House Seat.” 

SF Tenderloin District to Open – “Blumkin Clubs.” 

Along the galaxy of social media, a diverse rainbow of celebrities made their feelings known:

Jane Fonda – “Who cares what the fuck Kansas thinks?”

Tom Arnold – “I’ll pay a Million Dollars for that sainted Lawn Dart and donate it to the Smithsonian.” 

Barbra Streisand – “I can sing again.” 

Jim Carrey – “I’m planting Lawn Darts in all my paintings from now on.”

Greta Thunberg – “Don’t you dare Bury His Ashes at Sea.” 

From the world of Politics: 

Joe Biden – “Did you mean Snail Darter?”

Hunter Biden – “Sit down, Pop.”

Elizabeth Warren – “Blumkin’s appropriation of a Native American hunting skill should be forgiven and overlooked.”

Beto Francis O’Rourke – “Of course we’re going to come for your Lawn Darts.”

Pete Buttigieg – “Everyone knows it’s South Bend’s favorite pastime.” 

Bernie Sanders – “Effective Lawn Dart Training is every Citizen’s Right.” 

Adam Schiff – “We have a secret Lawn Dart Whistleblower who fingers Trump as the Thrower.”  

John Brennan – “The CIA never engaged in illegal Lawn Dart surveillance during my tenure.”

James Clapper – “The NSA never engaged in illegal Lawn Dart surveillance during my tenure.”

James Comey – “The FBI never engaged in illegal Lawn Dart surveillance during my tenure.”

Gavin Newsom – “Just sorry this didn’t happen in California.”

Andrew Cuomo – “Don’t let the second Dart hit you on the way out.”  

Fredo Cuomo – “What he said.” 

Bill De Blasio – “What he said.”

Hillary – “I’ve always been a Lawn Dart Champion.”

And finally, in the World of Commerce: 

WSJ – Dick’s Sporting Goods – “Black Friday Lawn Dart Shoppers Stabbed at Multiple Stores, 8 Dead in Chicago.”

Drudge: Lawn Darts now Most Popular Game on Acela Corridor. 

Remember Victory Girls Readers – Christmas is only 7 weeks away! 

This post is SATIRE, people.

Featured photo can be found here.  Additional photo, here.

Paladin is an Entertainment/IP Warfare Rōnin and self-identifies as a Y-chromosome Victory Girl.