Mr. Putin, Come See America the Exceptional!

Mr. Putin, Come See America the Exceptional!

Dear Vlad,

Here on this blog and elsewhere, many people, including myself, agree wholehearted with your assessment of Syria, our current President, and his foreign policy blunders and follies.  Your experience is as apparent as his is. Thank you for articulating your touching…..concern…for our great nation.  However you got one critical assessment absolutely and completely wrong.  We ARE exceptional.  Not arrogant. 


And we are the exception to the rule…the rule that has the majority of the world living in countries that operate under desolate, despotic and oppressive rule.  We may have elected a corrupt fool to the Presidency, but at least for now, we ARE still the most exceptional country on the planet.  Russia is lovely but it’s no America.  Sorry.  We have the Grand Canyon, the Tetons, the Great Smokey Mountains, the Pacific Coast, the Great Plains, and Johnny Cash.  We win. 

Anyway, I invite you to come take a tour of America with me.  Let me show you what makes America exceptional.  Let’s load up an ice chest with some exceptional American beer and hit the road.  We can go on a road trip through exceptional America.  I think you may have gotten too saturated with Washington D.C. diplomatic bullshit, and you need to see the REAL America. You can sit back (shirtless), windows down, Coors Light in hand, and bask in the sun as we go.  I’ll drive.  We can start here, in my community, Prescott, Arizona.  In June we lost 19 firefighters in a wildfire.  They were brave men who were defending their neighborhoods and fellow citizens from an inferno.  It was devastating to this small town, where everyone knows everyone.  In the months that followed, not only has this community raised well over 6 million dollars (and counting) to help and provide for 19 families, they have donated time, hard work, and exceptional care and love to the survivors.  That’s rather exceptional, don’t you think, Vlad?  And that’s just a tiny, miniscule part of this big ol’ beautiful exceptional land.

Boy, I’ve got lots to show you.  It will take a while so pack your nun-chucks and long guns…it’s almost hunting season and we can take some breaks along the way.   If you’re up to hunting…you do hunt don’t you?    I’ve seen photos…so, I’m just assuming.

Let’s swing by Wounded Warriors at Camp Pendleton, CA (if Main Gate lets you in…I don’t know…they are pretty sensitive about the KGB) and see how some of our exceptional Marines are doing in their recovery from war injuries, shall we?  See, here in exceptional America, we take exceptional care of military warriors.   We understand that war is sometimes necessary for defending our freedoms and we have the most remarkable and dedicated military in the world.  Bank on it, Vlad.  Don’t get cocky just because Obama gives you the impression we’re pushovers.  No. 

Then, we could head on over to Oklahoma to check on the rebuilding in the town of Moore.  They were hit by a deadly tornado that left 18 dead and many people homeless.  In exceptional America, we rebuild and we go on, determined to take back our battered optimism.  We can and we do.  Pretty damn exceptional, huh?  We’ve done it repeatedly and excellently and we say, “Hell, yeah!” when we’re done. 

And we aren’t passing up any opportunity to visit some farms and ranches on our jaunt, even if those back roads are a little dusty.  Now, a few of those fellas could get a little…defensive…about the President of Russia tramping around the farm, but I’ll calm them down with a beer or two. 

That’s just a very small preview of what you’ll see in exceptional America, Vlad.  There’s so much to see and so many astonishing wonderful citizens of an exceptional America waiting to tell you about our country. 

Oh…one more thing.  Please do not continue to confuse Obama’s weakness and petty self-absorption with American character.  We, the good and decent and hardworking citizens of this country are truly  exceptional. 

He’s the one who’s the exception.

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