As we saddle up to the breakfast buffet this morning post Melania Trump documentary premiere, we look to see the Hollywood critics in all of their smugness with the proverbial egg on their faces.

In all honesty, it’s a sight as beautiful as the morning sunrise. A joyous display to behold. Just like a morning sunrise scramble with extra cheese and home fries. Or a tasty hollandaise on an eggs Bennie. They thought a documentary on Melania Trump would fail. After all, she is the wife of the most hated orange Voldemort of the century. No daytime talk shows want to give her a platform. And no fashion designers are drooling at the chance to use her as a clothing hanger for one of their fugly designs.

Admittedly, in the fashion department, Melania smokes all of them. She does a much better job herself and with her chosen stylists.

To start off the weekend of Melania shade, Owen Gleiberman of Variety called Melania a “cheeseball infomercial of staggering inertia”:

It feels like it’s been stitched together out of the most innocuous outtakes from a reality show. There’s no drama to it. It should have been called ‘Day of the Living Tradwife.’

The movie plunks us down at Mar-a-Lago, where Melania struts out the door and into the back of an SUV, which will take her to the red-white-and-blue private plane painted with the word TRUMP that’s waiting for her at the airport. Wherever she lands, she’s in a mobile bubble, jetting from the palace of Palm Beach to Trump Tower in New York, where she meets for a fashion fitting in what looks like a dining room of the Titanic designed by Liberace, then to St. Patrick’s Cathedral right down the block (where she attends an anniversary mass for her mother) and on to the renovated 19th-century charm of Blair House in Washington, D.C., then back to Trump Tower and back to the Capital.”-Owen Gleiberman, Variety

Gleiberman? Your utter disdain is showing. It’s oozing from every oraface of your being, dude. It’s no wonder Melania Trump keeps her circles small. She knows she’s in shark-infested waters. The hate on X is real, too; with the Twitterverse commenting only as they know how with some pretty crude and vile visuals and words. I am not going to dignify any of these with visuals but, here is one of the more tame of the commentary:

Because the only people that are watching it are people who have to for their jobs and people who don’t care that the president is a pedophile

— ThatMrLamendola (@MrLamendo) February 1, 2026

Au contraire, mon frère.

THR said the flick is ‘galvanizing conservatives’ in the south, ‘specifically older females over the age of 55, who made up 72 percent of the opening-day audience.’ It added a ‘stunning 78 percent’ of all ticket buyers were 55 and older.”-Sean James, Mediaite

There’s hope coming around the corner for the folk-song-singing, protesting, blue-haired Grantifa, yet. From Salon:

Melania gives nothing and expects the world. Her solution to political division is simply submission to her husband.”-Sophia Tesfaye, Salon

Giving nothing and expecting the world is usually a liberal pipe dream, Sophia. For sure, the critics were giving nothing here and expecting Melania to pan at the Box Office=THEIR WORLD. Interestingly enough, the documentary did not.

Melania outgrossed Jennifer Lawrence’s latest, Die, My Love.

Melania outgrossed the Stephen King movie, The Life of Chuck. (Suck an egg, Stephen!)

Melania outgrossed the Comedy/Mystery Thriller, Honey, Don’t!

But wait, there’s more!

Melania drew a bigger opening weekend on fewer screens than Russell Crowe’s and Dwayne Johnson’s new movies.

The irony here is that none of the above listed flicks drew nearly as much criticism from entertainment critics. In fact, they all got good-to-great reviews. For all of the criticism and effort these critics put forth to ensure that Melania was a Box Office flop, they were not able to do much damage. Why> Because, really WHO listens to them?!

John Nolte of Breitbart summed up the worst of the worst from the bowels of the entertainment industry by calling their snubs and criticisms of Melania-both the documentary and the First Lady herself-in one word-humiliating.

Our lying, garbage media pulled out all the stops and once again whored out their credibility, hoping that a ‘failure narrative’ would become self-fulfilling.

Well, ha ha.

Once again, the Trumps have made complete fools of the Worst People In The World.

Maybe another tattoo or piercing will help them cope.”-John Note, Breitbart

These clowns would praise Michelle Obama in cut off jean shorts and a tank top smacking her gum as “real”, “authentic”, “unscripted”. Of course, her Sesame Street appearances to talk nutrition were not a propaganda push for her atrocious school lunch program back in the day:

Looks like a “cheeseball infomercial” to me.

But Melania, the documentary, is “polished propaganda of a day in the life of a tradwife” or something. Yeah, okay, Owen Gleiberman. Suck it up and get ready to go cry in a mimosa at your favorite Beverly Hills brunch spot. As far as how you’d like your eggs on your avocado toast? Feel free to smatter them all over your face because you still have some left over in the corners of your smug mug from last week’s Variety write-up.

As for me and my house, we like breakfast. Eggs, MAHA style, coming right up! Did someone say bacon?

Featured image: First Lady Melania Trump, official White House portrait by Régine Mahaux on January 27, 2025, cropped, public domain