Not from The Onion. Seems as if governor Jay Inslee has been partaking of some of the “best weed” in Washington State. In case you didn’t know, Washington governor, Jay Inslee, despite his abysmal performance as state governor, thinks he actually has what it takes to be president:

Jay: How can I get publicity for my failing presidential run….. pic.twitter.com/O7H9ik3zpf

— Dan Kearney (@DanielPKearney) July 14, 2019

Cue in the dolphins and the rainbow-spouting unicorns that comprise Jay Inslee’s fantasy land. At the Netroots Nation conference, Inslee’s first act would be to “get a Secretary of State who embraces world unity and love rather than hate”. Yes, his first act in this play would be to recruit…wait for it…wait for it…and drumroll…

Megan Rapinoe.

After laughing out loud, Twitter had some suggestions for the imaginary Secretary of Stae in the imaginary presidential campaign of Jay Inslee:

As secretary of state the first place she should go is Iran. Then she can tour other open minded and LGBTQ friendly societies like Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, Egypt, Turkey and any country ending in a -stahn.

— Jim Besher (@jrbesher2) July 14, 2019

And Big Bird can be DA

— Bill Bodnar (@BillBodnarJr) July 14, 2019

Is this @JayInslee the governor of the same state that turned one of the worlds most beautiful cities into a giant homeless shelter, and made it almost impossible to afford living there (unless you're in a tent on the street)?

— Mo Irish (@davtra50) July 14, 2019

Why yes, yes it is that Jay Inslee.

I haven’t asked her yet, so this could be a surprise to her. I actually believe this because what I think what she has said that has inspired us so much is such an antithesis of the president’s foreign policies.”-Jay Inslee

He wants to surprise the hateful, purple-haired shrew. “Hi, Ms. Rapinoe, I’m Jay Inslee, have you heard of me? Governor of Washington State and I think I’m going to be president one of these days. I would love for YOU to be my Secretary of State because you kick balls around and obviously got the skills to be a politician. How hard can it be? I managed to wangle my way in and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for my great state!”

Inslee stated that he has spent time fighting the “heinous abuses” of this administration over the past few years. Actually, Jay, I beg to differ on what is “heinous” here. You know what is heinous? The fact that Washingtonians have mentally ill people living out on the streets because of lack of sufficient management of mental health care in our state. What’s heinous is that some of these mentally ill people become addicted to drugs. What else is heinous? The fact that we can see people daily walking our streets, passing out on our streets, peeing and defecating in our streets in drug-addled addiction. What’s heinous is the fact that our neighborhoods are unsafe even for our children to play in. Why? Because we cannot do anything about the “home free” who steal from our garages and bust out our car windows at night. What’s heinous is the unsightly RVs that park on our streets. What heinous is a crowd of people who do not care if they litter our common areas or cemeteries where are loved ones are laid to rest. What’s heinous is tents along sidewalks interspersed with PILES of trash, Jay. This is not just a common occurrence in Seattle but in all parts of our state. But yeah, whatever you say, Inslee “love more, hate less“…or something like that. Where’s your love for the addicts who just need some direction and help? Where’s your love for the hard-working people in your state?

But YOU want Megan Rapinoe as your Secretary of State in your imaginary campaign, don’t you? Keep up the pipe dreams, Jay, and smoke ’em if you got ’em.

Photo Credit: FlickR/Creative Commons/Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)/Cropped