From the Cocaine-Encrusted Fingers of Chelsea Handler Comes…

From the Cocaine-Encrusted Fingers of Chelsea Handler Comes…

From the Cocaine-Encrusted Fingers of Chelsea Handler Comes…


Well, I needed the laugh this morning. Chelsea Hander – the screeching slag who saw it fit to ridicule Melania Trump’s accent, claiming “she can barely speak English,” while derptastically misspelling the word “genes” while trying to insult Eric Trump by ridiculing his unborn child, and then admitting that she was merely stoned – not stupid (no really, you can believe her) – once again stuck her keyboard in her mouth.

The keyboard fit well, judging by the numerous times she’s stuck her feet in her maw (and probably others’ body parts I don’t even want to consider), because the reaction was nothing short of hilarious.

Let’s first remember that this is a woman, and I use that term very loosely, who led a pussy hat march against the President, because WYMYN… or something. She’s supposed to be a grand feminist, which generally means that no one allowed is to judge wymyn on their actions, their clothing, their weight, or their choice of profession, because VAGINA… or something. I mean, this hag wore a pink depiction of a vagoo on her head in celebration of wymyn’s rights… or something. So one would think she would be condemning slut shaming and criticisms of wymyn’s choices, instead of… well… slut shaming and criticizing wymyn’s choices.

Oh, but I forgot. It’s OK to slut shame and criticize women’s choices (I refuse to keep misspelling the word; I think I made my point above) as long as these women can be used as a tool to denigrate politicians and public figures she despises. Hypocrisy, thy name is Chelsea!

But hell, where would we be without the oodles of entertainment this shrieking shrew provides? Everyone needs a laugh, right, and this particular, very serious tweet doesn’t disappoint. Because somehow Chelsea Handler, who wouldn’t recognize morality if it jumped up and tickled her shriveled labia, thinks – and I use that term very loosely – that she understands morality.

I’m dying, y’all! I’m literally on the floor trying not to lose bladder control, because a celebutard bimbo – and I use that term very precisely – who gets stoned on TV and says she does it because drugs are just “fun to do,” and because she wants to “show people what happens when you get fucked up,” attacks innocent people merely because they’re members of a certain family, and denigrates immigrants, who – by the way – speak more languages and have a better education and resume of accomplishments than Handler, has the balls to lecture others about “moral obligations!”

That’s Handler with Snoop Dogg inside what appears to be a sauna, but which is, in fact, a marijuana haze.


She wants to show people what happens when you get “fucked up?”

Apparently in Handler’s case, she gets stoned, gets the munchies, and washes some stale chips down with cheap vodka before sitting down at her computer and mangling the English language, while trying desperately for some relevance as she attacks the President of the United States.

Apparently it’s just as OK to slut shame porn stars when using them as a tool to denigrate the President, as it is to insult immigrants for the same purpose. Both are demographics the proglodytes supposedly support and work to protect, but all bets are off when they can be used to launch ridiculous attacks on the President based on unproven accusations and a whole lot of DERP!

“…who’s [sic] first memory of their President is a man who supports child molestors [sic], wife beaters, Russian hacking, and porn stars.”

Yes, you can laugh. I did, and so did the Internet.

Because Chelsea, in her drug-induced fog, forgot we had another President who had an affair with a 22-year-old intern in the White House, and who was accused of multiple instances of sexual assault and outright rape, and whose wife, who is supposed to be some kind of feminist icon, attacked and discredited those women as liars, as did the rest of the allegedly “feminist” members of the women’s movement and the Democratic party writ large.

Meanwhile, Handler pissed off an entire contingent of actual porn stars, who – by the way – are earning their living honestly by providing an in-demand service and are paying taxes like good citizens, and who weren’t particularly thrilled to be lumped in with child molesters and Russian attackers.

The beautiful Holly Randall asks a question the answer to which could be a novel-length dissertation.

Another adult film star provides Chelsea with a bit of economic reality.

Tana Lea is also less than thrilled to be grouped with kiddie diddlers, especially as someone who used to be a fan of Handler’s.

What I would REALLY love to see is the gorgeous and accomplished Mercedes Carrera, with whom I’ve spoken a couple of times, who is a huge supporter of gun rights and free speech, who is more eloquent and educated than Handler could hope to be, and whose earnest efforts to help a rape victim get back on her feet were mercilessly attacked by the social justice zealots a couple of years ago because Carrera is an unapologetic libertarian, react to this dried up hag’s comments. Carrera minces no words criticizing “feminists” and social justice zealots, and I’m fairly sure her reaction would be a massive burn on Handler’s ass, and not in a good way.

“Personal responsibility is a really bitter pill for them to swallow, really bitter,” she says. “It’s much easier to set up a villain or blame life experience. In feminism they’ll compare, they’ll say ‘well that woman never got any mean emails and I did therefore I’m a victim.’ This is my frustration with women’s groups — everything is everybody else’s fault. It’s okay to say ‘all men are pigs or all men are x, y, and z,’ but let’s not talk about how you may have contributed to that problem in your relationship.”

So here’s your Sunday morning laugh. Enjoy the sweet, sweet schadenfreude.

Written by

Marta Hernandez is an immigrant, writer, editor, science fiction fan (especially military sci-fi), and a lover of freedom, her children, her husband and her pets. She loves to shoot, and range time is sacred, as is her hiking obsession, especially if we’re talking the European Alps. She is an avid caffeine and TWD addict, and wants to own otters, sloths, wallabies, koalas, and wombats when she grows up.

  • GWB says:

    This woman riffing against pr0n stars…. Like the cast iron pot calling the red-enameled Le Creuset dutch oven black.

    And, yeah, my first thought was “Wait, you mean Bill Clinton? And we did make that a memory – we kept Hillary from ever being President.”

  • docweasel says:

    Hey, in case you missed it, the pussy hats are no longer acceptable because I guess they offend “women who weren’t born with a vagina”, also known as mentally deranged men who think they are girls despite sporting a twig and berries.

  • Flying Dutchman says:

    Don’t toke (or drink, or shoot, or whatever) and post, dude.

  • Matthew W says:

    I have no idea who Chelsea Handler is, but sh’e demonstrating the mental illness called Modern American Liberalism.

  • MPH says:

    She should stick with doing what she’s best at: going topless.

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