Page Six reported this morning that Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci is hoping to publish a new book about his time in politics. Shortest. Book. In. History.

If you are having a hard time remembering who the Mooch is, he’s that guy who became famous for having the shortest tenure as White House Communications Director EVAH! The Mooch’s 10-day stint as Comms Director was, however, remarkable in its drama and entertainment value. According to the Washington Post, there was only one day in the Mooch’s short-lived White House career when absolutely nothing happened, as he simply did his job.

Dude was a veritable cornucopia of entertaining blips and blurbs!

Now, the book is not a done deal, and the tabloid reports he’s merely “shopping it around” right now. It should be the shortest tome in history. Maybe a novelette… or a short story… or a blog post, even. But a full sized book? What could he possibly fill it with? A whole lot of creative invective? I mean, he pledged not to write a “tell-all” book, so what else could he possibly discuss?

So I decided to have a little fun with you guys today. Let’s come up with a few possible titles for the Mooch’s new book! Page Six came up with the snarky “I’m Not Trying to Suck My Own Cock” in honor of the Mooch’s most famous quote. That’s a witty title… if he’s writing for Penthouse Letters. I will admit to giggling, which just proves that a 12 year-old boy is, in fact, my spirit animal. But with the help of my wonderful co-bloggers, I’ve come up with a few more to get us started.

First, is one we all thought of at once, I think:

How to Lose a Job in 10 Days

In honor of the Mooch’s threat to FIRE ALL THE THINGS, we have:

The Firings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

I get the feeling that the Mooch needs some help deciphering exactly why John Kelly shitcanned him. So maybe this potential title will provide some insight?

“Reince Is a Fucking Paranoid Schizophrenic, a Paranoiac,” or Why I Lost My Job

Maybe defiance is in order here…

The Swamp Will Not Defeat Me!

Or a show of force…

Kill All the Leakers

Maybe an advice book?

Don’t Trust New Yorker Journalists and Other Lessons I Learned at the White House

Scientific…

White House Comms Director Tenure = Life Cycle of a Mosquito
(But Hey, I Beat Out the Mayfly)

Contemplative…

The Shortest Tenure

Defensive…

NOT a “Tell-All” Book. Really.
(But Screw You, Priebus)

And entertaining…

Scaramooch! Scaramooch! When I Did the Trump Tango

What’s yours? Don’t be shy! Tell us in comments.