When I say “victory lap,” I mean figuratively, not literally. After the spill Joe Biden took on Thursday, no one is up for the old man trying to prove that he’s still a spring chicken.

Biden gave his first Oval Office speech on Friday evening in order to brag about the debt ceiling bill that he will be signing today. Remember how Old Joe point-blank refused for months to negotiate, demanding a “clean” debt ceiling increase with no strings attached, until he was forced to sit down because the House Republicans actually passed a bill? I remember that, you remember that… Joe Biden does not. The proof is in his speech.

My fellow Americans, when I ran for President, I was told the days of bipartisanship were over and that Democrats and Republicans could no longer work together. But I refused to believe that, because America can never give into that way of thinking.”

Look, the only way American democracy can function is through compromise and consensus, and that’s what I worked to do as your President — you know, to forge a bipartisan agreement where it’s possible and where it’s needed.”

And now, a bipartisan budget agreement. This is vital because — it’s because it’s essential to the progress we’ve made over the last few years — is keeping full, faith, and credit of the United States of America and passing a budget that continues to grow our economy and reflects our values as a nation.”

That’s why I’m speaking to you tonight: to report on the crisis averted and what we’re doing to protect America’s future.”

No, the reason Joe Biden was speaking from the Oval Office was to try and spin this budget-plus-debt-ceiling bill into some kind of glorious bipartisan compromise that he can run on, instead of the status quo crap sandwich compromise that the American people are going to be forced to swallow. I do think the bill was probably the best that Kevin McCarthy could do, considering that Republicans only control the House by the slimmest of margins. And it’s to McCarthy’s credit that Joe Biden is forced to put a happy face on this bill, and that Democrats, despite their grumbling, were forced to make sure that the bill passed. And Biden gave McCarthy some praise – something which will undoubtedly chap the hide of progressive leftists.

I want to commend Senator — Speaker McCarthy. You know, he and I, we — and our teams — we were able to get along and get things done. We were straightforward with one another, completely honest with one another, and respectful with one another. Both sides operated in good faith. Both sides kept their word.”

And I also want to commend other congressional leaders: House Minority Leader Jeffries, Senate Majority Leader Schumer, Senate Minority Leader McConnell. They acted responsibly and put the good of the country ahead of politics.”

The final vote in both chambers was overwhelming, far more bar- — bipartisan than anyone thought was possible.”

So, I want to thank the members of Congress who voted to pass this agreement, which I’m going to sign tomorrow and become the law.”

Notice how the official White House transcript (which I am blockquoting here) is now including every single verbal slip? Hmmm. Anyway, Biden then detailed what he says this budget will do – and immediately began lying right out of the gate.

So here’s what the deal does:

First, it cuts spending. And over the next 10 years, the deficit will be cut by more than $1 trillion. And that will be on top of the record 1.7 trillion — $1.7 trillion I already cut the deficit in my first two years in office.”

That “$1.7 trillion deficit cut” is one of the most egregious lies that Biden has told. This lie is so bold and so bad that even GLENN KESSLER OF THE WASHINGTON POST called Grandpa Joe out on it. Back in April, as Biden kept insisting that he had cut $1.7 trillion from the deficit, Kessler awarded Biden a “bottomless Pinocchio” for repeating this whopper. And he did it again in this speech.

It also wouldn’t be a Biden speech without invoking something his father likely never said.

You know, my dad used to have an expression. He said, “Joey, don’t tell me what you value. Show me your budget; I’ll tell you what you value.” And that’s at the heart of this debate: What do we value?”

Gag. The only thing worse than Biden bringing up some bromide that his dad allegedly uttered, is him invoking Beau. He got close, and brought up the PACT Act (which provides expanded VA care to veterans who were exposed to toxins, including burn pits) being fully funded in this budget.

Biden also bragged about cutting insulin prices – again, forgetting that he froze the Trump-era rule that would have reduced prices right after he took office. Apparently, it only counts if HE gets to claim credit for it. The Big Guy also claimed that he’s cut prescription drug prices and “beat Big Pharma.” Um, was that before or after his adminstration paid Pfizer billions and billions of dollars for the more Covid vaccine doses? If that is being “beaten,” then I think most companies will gladly sign up for their beatings.

Noticeably NOT mentioned in Biden’s speech? The reinstatment of student loan debt payments. This is a massive fail on Biden’s part, because the Supreme Court is likely to rule against him, and then his promised bribes are really done for. He will rail against the Supreme Court, but the reality is that this budget already concedes the point by forcing the payments to restart. Biden is not going to be able to shift all of that blame to the Supreme Court – which means a lot of younger voters are going to be very mad at him, and very soon.

However, Biden did slip a little politicking into his speech. While bragging about giving the IRS the manpower and budget to keep harassing everyday Americans (because they will, the rich have better tax attorneys), he said this:

That’s why last year I secured more funding to go — more IRS funding to go after wealthy tax cheats. The nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office — and it is nonpartisan — says that this bill will bring in $150 billion, and other outside experts expect that it would save as much as $400 billion, because it’s forcing people to pay their fair share.”

Republicans may not like it, but I’m going to make sure the wealthy pay their fair share.”

I’m also proposed closing over a dozen special interest tax loopholes for Big Oil, crypto traders, hedge fund billionaires — saving taxpayers billions of dollars.”

Republicans — Republicans defended every single one of these special interest loopholes. Every single one. But I’m going to be coming back. And with your help, I’m going to win.”

Biden is going to be “coming back”? One could say he meant that he would be attempting to close what he calls the “special interest tax loopholes.” But this budget bill will cover two years, and the election happens next year. The only way Biden will be negotiating a new budget would be if he wins the presidential election – “with your help,” he says. Even the Associated Press inferred that Biden was speaking about another term.

Even as he pledged to continue working with Republicans, Biden also drew contrasts with the opposing party, particularly when it comes to raising taxes on the wealthy, something the Democratic president has sought.”

It’s something he suggested may need to wait until a second term.”

“I’m going to be coming back,” he said. “With your help, I’m going to win.”

Talk about counting the stairs before you go up them. *cough* Also, I was told by the left and the media (but I repeat myself) that using the White House to campaign for president was very very bad. But Biden’s speechwriters can stick that line in and the press barely blinks.

The bill signing will happen sometime today. We shall see if Joe Biden can make it there, sign the bill, and leave safely under his own power. These days, that’s not a sure bet.

Featured image: original Victory Girls art by Darleen Click