After the last American plane left Afghanistan after Joe Biden’s bedtime, the White House put out a written statement and said that Grandpa Joe would speak to the American people the next day.

There is no way Biden wrote that statement. That was a team effort that was probably workshopped and ready to go once the last plane had left. Regardless, the fact that Americans have been left behind, not to mention many allies and SIV holders, makes this “withdrawl” a foreign policy disaster that is unsurpassed in recent history. So naturally, the speech that was first scheduled for 1:30 pm Eastern time was then pushed back to 2:45 pm Eastern time.

And then Biden was late anyway. And later. And then this happened.

Biden’s speech scheduled for 2:45 pm has been delayed by the White House.

Assembled reporters were told to leave and wait for an update

— Charlie Spiering (@charliespiering) August 31, 2021

If the President of the United States is not functional enough to give a prescheduled speech off a teleprompter at the appointed time, then anyone not thinking that “President Kamala Harris” is close to becoming a reality is deluding themselves.

Forty-four minutes late, Biden finally came out to the podium – and started yelling about how much of a success the withdrawl was. Someone apparently activated Angry Grandpa mode.

If Americans are still there, Biden snarled, then it’s THEIR FAULT because they CHOSE to stay behind and if they want to come out, then it’s going to require a “diplomatic effort” between the State Department and the Taliban. Biden insisted that the UN Security Council statement demanding “freedom of travel” (China and Russia did not sign it) will totally be respected by the Taliban, and anyone who wants to leave Afghanistan will be able to do so.

Please ignore the reports that the Taliban have already started killing people in retaliation.

Also, Biden said, this was Trump’s fault. Because President Trump had worked out a deal to leave Afghanistan, Biden then sets up a strawman: the choice was either to leave JUST LIKE WE DID, or stay for YEARS and keep fighting an endless war. Biden also claims that the contingency plans INCLUDED a plan for the Afghan government falling to pieces. Anyone believe that?

This speech was a shouty, angry gaslighting session that was essentially a rehash of his previous crappy speeches. Yes, we should be proud of our armed forces, but they were handicapped by THIS administration from doing the job that they could have done. Biden then had the nerve to thank the private citizens who did more to extract people than his administration did. And he keeps insisting that no matter when this started, the chaos was inevitable. And he kept insisting that Trump had made an inviolable deal that he could not alter in any way (which his multitudes of executive orders right after his inaguration disputes).

The lines that were used during this speech were the same ones that Biden had used before. The speechwriters either decided that the speech was so great, and he just needed to deliver it at a LOUDER VOLUME, or Team Biden figured there wasn’t enough time to get the old man to learn any new lines.

And while insisting that the war in Afghanistan needs to end, Biden then pushes a new front against ISIS-K “from over the horizon.” Um, which horizon? We have no space in Afghanistan or Pakistan to even launch drone strikes – and do we even have on-the-ground intelligence there anymore? After all, we did such a bang-up job in that second drone strike, right?

Biden is anxious for the cynical American public to just forget that this ever happened, while he blathers on about “human rights” and “women’s rights” in Afghanistan. I don’t think either goal is helped by a withdrawl in this fashion. And suddenly, Biden was also concerned with the FINANCIAL COST of Afghanistan.

“Yes. The American people should hear this. $300 million per day for two decades.” – president currently pushing for one single $3.5 trillion transformation of the social contract.

— Noah Rothman (@NoahCRothman) August 31, 2021

And because this is Biden, he absolutely CANNOT stop without mentioning, while praising the military who served and mentioning the lives lost, “my deceased son Beau.” And he had the nerve to mention the high rate of veteran suicide – while what he has done has surely exacerbated and damaged the mental health of veterans.

We had to do an emergency admit for a Veteran who attempted suicide bc he didn’t get his interpreter out. This is so sad and was so preventable. Call the Veterans Crisis Line at 800-273-8255 if you need help.

— Tim Kennedy (@TimKennedyMMA) August 30, 2021

When he was done, he picked up his mask off the podium, and gave reporters asking questions a good view of his back as he began his old man shuffle down the hall. This was the longest speech that Biden has given about Afghanistan – running at just under 27 minutes – but it was essentially a “greatest hits” edition of all his previous speeches. There was nothing new to be had here. Just an embarassing coda to a complete shitshow of a withdrawl that the Biden administration calls both a “success” and “Trump’s fault.”

Featured image: original Victory Girls art by Darleen Click