I guess it’s en vogue these days to make really crappy life decisions, suffer the inevitable consequences, and then blame everyone else for your plight. We’ve seen it with Chelsea Manning, we’ve seen it with repugnant sexual predator Anthony Weiner, and we’re now seeing it with Hollygrope rapist Harvey Weinstein.

The latest snowflake refusing to take responsibility for his own actions and waving around his victim dick is Army deserter Bowe Bergdahl, who pleaded guilty today to charges of desertion and misbehavior before the enemy in a military proceeding at Ft. Bragg. In case you’re wondering what a “victim dick” is, it’s when someone figuratively drops trou and waves around his little winky, drawing attention to his victim status. “HEY! LOOK AT MY VICTIM DICK! MY VICTIM DICK IS OUT, SEE?” (Much thanks to a buddy on social media who suggested this turn of phrase.)

In an interview aired by Good Morning America today, Bergdahl sniveled that it was “insulting” that he’s being portrayed as a traitor. You got that, boys and girls? The traitorous little prick is offended that after walking away from his duty station, hooking up with the enemy, causing the deaths of and grave injuries to several fellow service members, and finally being exchanged for five terrorist Taliban scum, who are running around, no doubt planning more attacks on Americans, poor little Bowe is offended at the “traitor” moniker!

Let’s remind ourselves, shall we, what that shit gibbon actually did.

He walked away from his duty station, left his weapon, and went looking for the Taliban.

Reports of his captivity vary. If you believe him, he was captured, kept in a cage, and treated like an animal. If you believe those reports, he also tried to escape and was punished for it. If you believe others, he played soccer, chilled with his Taliban buddies, and provided information that led to attacks against our troops.

Eyewitness accounts recount Bergdahl had at some point decided he was going to be a warrior for Islam, whose captors even allowed him to carry a gun at times. Emails he sent to his parents prior to his desertion say he was ashamed to be an American. If this is true, punishment for misbehavior before the enemy should be the least of the charges against him! I vote wood chipper. Feet first.

Additionally he admitted to a fellow troop that if the deployment wasn’t badass enough for his standards, he would just walk, and that’s exactly what he did, resulting in years of rescue efforts, American casualties, and the release of five high-value Taliban prisoners in exchange for his worthless ass. This wasn’t about trying to draw attention to leadership failures. This wasn’t about a gnawing conscience about his mission in Afghanistan. This was about a narcissistic dick weasel, who was rejected by the French Foreign Legion, probably because his ego was writing checks his body couldn’t cash.

“He wanted to be a mercenary, wanted to be a free gun,” says [Jason] Fry. “He had a notion he was a survivalist, claimed he knew how to survive with nothing because he grew up in Idaho…. Before we deployed… him and I were talking about what it would be like,” Fry recalls. Bowe looked at his friend and made no bones about his plans. “If this deployment is lame,” Bowe said, “I’m just going to walk off into the mountains of Pakistan.”

But in an interview with Sean Langan last year, Bergdahl whined he couldn’t get a fair trial in the United States, because now-President Trump said on the campaign trail Bergdahl was a traitor who should have been shot as such.

Whether or not Bergdahl is a traitor is up to the court to decide. He’s lucky he’s in a country that insists that every accused bag of rancid effluvia gets a fair trial – a luxury he would not have been afforded in other shitholes of the world.

That said, DAMN STRAIGHT his deserting his place of duty and his unit, leaving his equipment, and walking into the Taliban’s open arms isn’t going to endear him to any jury, regardless of what Trump said or didn’t say a year ago! It’s not like his story isn’t well known, and I doubt Trump’s words last year mattered much, given the amount of coverage Bergdahl’s story has received.

But, you know, he just had to whip out his victim dick and wave it around, to remind people how offended he is at the “traitor” label, and how the cards are stacked against him because of evil Trump!

We may as well go back to kangaroo courts and lynch mobs that got what they wanted,’ Bergdahl said. ‘The people who want to hang me, you’re never going to convince those people.

Well, you’re definitely not going to convince them by whining about how unfair everything is after you committed egregious acts against your fellow troops, you blithering buttnozzle! And I don’t believe for a moment you are feeling any kind of remorse for what you did and the damage you caused! The fact that you are avoiding a public trial that is sure to expose your egregious acts of treachery, by pleading guilty to desertion and misbehavior before the enemy, makes you a coward in my eyes, in addition to a possible traitor.

You are NOT a victim.

You are at best a moron who has no ability to gauge the consequences of your actions, and at worst a traitor who needs to face a firing squad.

Either way, the President’s words are of no consequences. You received as much justice as you deserved, bitch.