Will your college student come home to tell you how celebrating Thanksgiving is an exercise in celebrating Native American genocide? Will Uncle Bernie, who pines for the fjords of the 1960s, wag his finger over the cranberry sauce to lecture about the inherent white supremacy and racism in classroom pageants of Pilgrims and Indians?

In the true spirit of the holiday, kindly ask them if they have five minutes to spare to deal with actual, historical facts.

If they refuse, they have nothing to complain about if you shoot whipped cream down their pants.