“I regret that my shame is now shared by the people I cherish dearly” and other non-apologies [VIDEO]

“I regret that my shame is now shared by the people I cherish dearly” and other non-apologies [VIDEO]

“I regret that my shame is now shared by the people I cherish dearly” and other non-apologies [VIDEO]

The latest crop of odious pervs exposed by their victims includes Matt Lauer and Garrison Keillor, and Russell Simmons. On the Hill, Al Franken faces new allegations from a veteran who claims he groped her right boob during a 2003 photo op, which meshes with other women’s groping accusations, and Congress’ longest serving scumbag John Conyers and another pig Raul Grijalva (D-ickhead, AZ) both face allegations that they paid off victims of their harassment with taxpayer dollars.


Courtesy of: Ron Medvescek / Arizona Daily Star

Is it me, or does Grijalva look like a particularly fat, lazy tarantula mated with a geriatric pig?

It’s gotten so bad on the Hill, that Nancy Pelosi finally caved in to pressure and allegations that she’s a hypocritical hag after she defended Conyers as an icon, and called for Conyers’ resignation.

A predictable torrent of mea culpas followed from the swine in the private sector, and not surprisingly, the contemptible, crusty rectums on Capitol Hill, are refusing to resign, with some choosing to stick around, but not seek re-election, and other equally reprehensible anuses launching inexcusable defenses to excuse the indefensible.

Rep. Jim Clyburn suggested Wednesday that his House colleague Rep. John Conyers should be held to a different standard when it comes to the possibility of resignation over allegations of sexual assault, saying that Conyers’ status as an elected member of Congress places him in a different category from media and entertainment figures who have had similar accusations leveled against them.

No, you ignominious turd. Congressional representatives should be held to an even higher standard than the rest of us! You are elected to represent the people. You get your power and authority from the people. You are accountable to the people. You are gorram PAID by the people! How DARE you imply that you and your fellow leeches can skate by despite accusations of abuse? Get out of my Capitol building, bitch!

Meanwhile, Al Franken(grope) has issued an amnesiac non-apology, because you see, he doesn’t remember touching anyone inappropriately, because after all, he’s taken literally “tens of thousands of photos” over the years, so how can he be expected to remember every grope?

Matt Lauer, not to be outdone by his pal Franken, “apologized” to his victims, while claiming not all of the accusations were true, but he “regrets the pain” he caused others.

Matt Lauer expressed “sorrow and regret for the pain I have caused” in a statement on Thursday morning, his first public comments after NBC News fired the star “Today” show anchor amid allegations of inappropriate sexual behavior with colleagues.

“Some of what is being said about me is untrue or mischaracterized, but there is enough truth in these stories to make me feel embarrassed and ashamed,” Mr. Lauer wrote in a message issued by his public relations team. “I regret that my shame is now shared by the people I cherish dearly.”

Translation: I did what they say I did, but I swear it wasn’t this bad, and I’m sorry I got caught.

Mischaracterized? Not believing that one, especially given Meredith Vieira’s on-air claim that she found a bag of dicks in Lauer’s office and given multiple reports of his pervosity at work, including that now infamous button that allowed him to lock the door to his secluded office and apparently rape a woman, calling for medical attention after the fact.

The “apology” also rings particularly hollow, since Lauer’s lawyers currently are trying to get $30 million for the disgraced toad after he was fired before his contract expired. If Lauer had any testicular fortitude at all, he’d apologize for harassing and sexually assaulting co-workers and slink the hell away in shame, instead of trying to extort money from NBC, whose employees he harassed and degraded and dragging his family through further mud. But he’s not sorry. Not even remotely. He’s sorry he got caught, and he’s sorry he was exposed. That’s about it.

Meanwhile Def Jam founder Russell Simmons also displayed amnesia about allegedly sexually assaulting screen writer Jenny Lumet in 1991.

Simmons said in a statement released after the essay’s publication that Lumet’s memory of the night is “very different” from his, but it’s clear to him “that her feelings of fear and intimidation are real.” He apologized for being “thoughtless and insensitive” in some of his relationships. He said he would resign from his businesses because, “I don’t want to be a distraction.”

Again, note the non-apology. He doesn’t remember it that way, therefore, she must have consented. He’s sorry she felt bad. He’s apparently NOT sorry he raped her, though, and instead of apologizing for being a Rapey McRaperson, he was only “thoughtless and insensitive.” You call that an apology?

Let me give you a clue, manwhores: “I’m sorry you felt violated” is markedly different from “I’m sorry I violated you.” The former puts the onus on the victim, as if they are responsible for being horrified at your dick finding its way inside her without authorization. The latter shows you taking responsibility for your own actions and contrition for what you have done.

“I remember it differently,” is not an apology.

“I was insensitive,” is not an apology.

“I took a lot of pictures, so how am I expected to remember individual gropeage,” is not an apology.

Stepping away from a powerful committee post, claiming your presence would be a “distraction” is not an apology.

Claiming numerous allegations of being a creeper is a “desperate political attack” is not an apology.

“I have learned a great deal… and  have come to a profound new respect for women and their lives,” is not an apology.

“I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man,” is definitely not an apology, but an attempt to use your homosexuality as a shield against odious allegations!

It’s as if all these slimy predators have the same PR teams telling them to talk about introspection, how they gained a new respect for women, and how they learned so much from being exposed as creeps.

Please! Spare me.

These jerks have become so spoiled, entitled, and privileged (yes, I said it), they have forgotten how to assume responsibility for their actions, how to admit wrongdoing, and how to be decent human beings.

It’s high time we stopped idolizing celebrities and politicians and giving them so much power over people’s lives, that victims are terrified of coming forward, even when they have been egregiously harmed.

Neither celebrities nor politicians deserve special privilege. Many of them deserve a jail cell and a large, horny prison boyfriend, who won’t take no for an answer.

Written by

Marta Hernandez is an immigrant, writer, editor, science fiction fan (especially military sci-fi), and a lover of freedom, her children, her husband and her pets. She loves to shoot, and range time is sacred, as is her hiking obsession, especially if we’re talking the European Alps. She is an avid caffeine and TWD addict, and wants to own otters, sloths, wallabies, koalas, and wombats when she grows up.

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