Can I write this and can you read this without cussing out the pretentious overhyped and arrogant Garrison Keillor? Well my artisan tea is a brewing and I am looking at the bookshelf with books and the lovely 1995 BBC Pride and Prejudice (oh yes the title is appropriate for this rant). So this article showed up on my facebook page and I was curious about what the bard of Lake Wobegon had to say. And he sure did say a lot. So without any further prefaces for my RV owning (we “only” have a travel trailer towed by an evil SUV), (craft not artisan you irredeemable fool Keillor) beer drinking, book reading, cross country traveling, tomato growing (Hi Steve and Pete and Nancy) and bird watching friends, family and readers, here is the nonsense broken down.

As a side note, one can hope in the last two months, Keillor had a medication review by a qualified mental health professional. I can only hope so. Because this is just ridiculous:

Raw ego and proud illiteracy have won out and a severely learning-disabled man with a real character problem will be president. We are so exhausted from thinking about this election, millions of people will take up leaf-raking and garage cleaning with intense pleasure. We liberal elitists are wrecks. The Trumpers had a whale of a good time, waving their signs, jeering at the media, beating up protesters, chanting “Lock her up” — we elitists just stood and clapped. Nobody chanted “Stronger Together.” It just doesn’t chant.

Severely Learning disabled? I am no fan of Trump but there are so many things wrong with this. A well hidden loathing of the disabled is strong here.  A question I have: do you have Mr. Trump’s educational record Keillor? Or his medical records?  Next, leaf raking and garage cleaning? Happens every October and November in the Midwest. When we cover the grill, put the lawn furniture and summer car in the garage and clean up our yards. And we hope the leaves drop before the first snowfall.. And are you saying that your troops were less enthusiastic about Hillary than Trump supporters and uncommitted voters were about Trump? Because that is part of what happened November 8^th. Your inability to cheer for your candidate was the issue cupcake. And the whine fest continues:

The Trumpers never expected their guy to actually win the thing, and that’s their problem now. They only wanted to whoop and yell, boo at the H-word, wear profane T-shirts, maybe grab a crotch or two, jump in the RV with a couple six-packs and go out and shoot some spotted owls. It was pleasure enough for them just to know that they were driving us wild with dismay — by “us,” I mean librarians, children’s authors, yoga practitioners, Unitarians, birdwatchers, people who make their own pasta, opera goers, the grammar police, people who keep books on their shelves, that bunch. The Trumpers exulted in knowing we were tearing our hair out. They had our number, like a bratty kid who knows exactly how to make you grit your teeth and froth at the mouth.

Stop. Just stop making Trump look good. Did you ever think maybe these pissed off people of many colors and creeds were union workers who got sick of empty promises from the Democrats?   Sort of like being an adult child of an emotionally abusive parent when the child realizes how bad things were?  And then you show what your version of Love Trumps Hate looks like. Jump in the RV with a couple six-packs and go shooting? Are spotted owls edible? People go to deer camp to….get a deer. They may drink beer or Fireball whiskey at night but most don’t fall out of deerstands while hunting for dinner and antlers to use in their decorating. Someone is getting the great music of the Yoopers mixed up with reality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb9yhhflmvY

And the rest of this was just ridiculous.   Prejudiced much Keillor?  How is it that our Trump voting friends and associates are librarians, professors, yoga practitioners (some even teach yoga), bird watchers, of all faiths, make their own pasta, read the books on the shelf and try not to be ill-mannered enough to be the grammar police. That bunch. Some of us did not like Trump but all of us loathed Hillary more. And it gets better.

To all the patronizing b.s. we’ve read about Trump expressing the white working class’s displacement and loss of the American Dream, I say, “Feh!” — go put your head under cold water. Resentment is no excuse for bald-faced stupidity. America is still the land where the waitress’ kids can grow up to become physicists and novelists and pediatricians, but it helps a lot if the waitress and her husband encourage good habits and the ambition to use your God-given talents and the kids aren’t plugged into electronics day and night. Whooping it up for the candidate of cruelty and ignorance does less than nothing for your kids.

Really?

Apparently resentment is no excuse for bald-faced stupidity unless you are resentful?  Good to know.  The only patronizing b.s. I see is coming from your gaping piehole.   Have you ever hear the phrase pride goeth before a fall?  I guess Unitarians don’t bother quoting the Bible.  God Given talent? Um God Given talent sounds an awful lot like Predestination……And what are you liberals to do now? Well, he has suggestions (and stereotypes) for you too:

We liberal elitists are now completely in the clear. The government is in Republican hands. Let them deal with him. Democrats can spend four years raising heirloom tomatoes, meditating, reading Jane Austen, traveling around the country, tasting artisan beers, and let the Republicans build the wall and carry on the trade war with China and deport the undocumented and deal with opioids and we Democrats can go for a long brisk walk and smell the roses.

Apparently, in Keillor’s world liberals are the only ones who grow tomatoes, read Jane Austen, meditate, travel (what the hell do you think the RV or Travel Trailer is for?), drink Craft Beers (not artisan)? According to Keillor, everyone who does not vote like Keillor or think like him is uneducated.  Pride and Prejudice may summarize Keillor’s overwrought condescending prose with apologies to the great Jane Austen and her amazing works.