“Mad Pooper” Has a Spokesman and an Excuse

“Mad Pooper” Has a Spokesman and an Excuse

“Mad Pooper” Has a Spokesman and an Excuse

Unless you’ve been living under a rock the past few days, you’ve likely heard of the guano crazy jogger in Colorado Springs, who has been defecating on people’s lawns. In public. In full view of children, pets, and other innocents. The Washington Post reported about a week ago that this daft bint has been squatting on one family’s property for the past several weeks, and even though the homeowner confronted her, she simply said “sorry,” and trotted off.

The family kept finding the runner’s poop, [Cathy] Budde said, and the dirty paper napkins she leaves behind. The apparently remorseless runner has pooped on the sidewalk in front of the Budde family’s home at least once a week for the past seven weeks, according to Budde. Once, Budde was able to take a picture, which showed a brunette woman running in a gray tank top and shorts.

Well, it turns out the brunette woman is not exactly that.

A man claiming to be “a family representative” for the now-infamous “Mad Pooper” in Colorado said the woman has a traumatic brain injury.

The man posted two videos to YouTube, which have been deleted. He did not identify himself or the female jogger, whom he called “Shirley.”

He said “Shirley,” who has not been caught yet, is sorry for defecating on lawns in Colorado Springs. He maintained she has the brain injury and that, after gender reassignment surgery, she can’t control herself, according to KRDO in Colorado Springs.

There’s a small part of me that’s giggling like a loon, proving once again that a 12 year-old boy is, in fact, my spirit animal.

But there’s a bigger part of me that wants to throttle both the “family representative” and the turd dropper.

Why? Because the former jackass claims the latter jackass’ actions are protected under the First Amendment.

Yes, you read that correctly. The “spokeshole” compares this crazy bitch taking a steaming #2 on someone’s property to breastfeeding in public!

I. Can’t. Even.

The nutty left proves once again that they a) don’t understand the concept of rights 2) fail to comprehend the meaning of the Bill of Rights iii) must make excuses for bad behavior, no matter how absurd, and D) have zero respect for the rights of others – and especially property rights, because they’re filthy hippies, who believe that owning property is oppression… or something.

Let’s start with the fact that gender reassignment surgery can’t cause a brain injury unless that rancid twat keeps her grey matter in her giblets.

I call bullshit.

Let’s also remember the standard, accepted definition of a “right” is something that exists simultaneously among all people, and imposes no obligation on others when exercised.

Yes, I have the right to free speech. I don’t have the right to force others to pay for my microphone, or any media I choose to exercise said right.

Yes, “Shirley” has the right to defecate. She certainly does NOT have the right to cop a squat on other people’s property, forcing them to clean up her hazardous, malodorous, repulsive waste.

Breastfeeding imposes no obligation upon others, other than that of non-interference. It certainly doesn’t force them to clean up a large, steamy dump from their property after a mother feeds her child. Additionally, a mother doesn’t have the right to trespass on private property in order to feed her infant either, let alone leave crapped on napkins for someone else to clean up.

But the spokeshole doesn’t seem to give a crap (pun fully intended) about private property, or the fact that his deranged buddy is leaving hazardous waste that could contain infectious diseases and worms and the like on someone else’s property. Like all unhinged leftists, he apparently feels “Shirley” has the right to violate other people’s rights, because “she” is trans and oh-so-fragile. Apparently he thinks she’s special, and therefore laws don’t apply to “her.”

She can’t control herself, he claimed.

Well, if that’s the case, keep that bitch on a leash and don’t let “her” out unsupervised. I don’t care if “she” is mentally ill, can’t control her bowels, transgender, pansexual, has Skittles pox, chlamydia, a brain injury, or a bad case of anal warts. Nothing gives “her” the right to empty her bowels on others’ property. Nothing gives “her” the right to force others to clean up her shit. Nothing gives “her” the right to expose herself in front of innocent children.

Being transgender doesn’t mean she has special rights and shouldn’t be arrested for fouling other people’s property.

Shirley isn’t special. “She” is merely a repugnant swine who shouldn’t be allowed outside without a guardian.

Written by

Marta Hernandez is an immigrant, writer, editor, science fiction fan (especially military sci-fi), and a lover of freedom, her children, her husband and her pets. She loves to shoot, and range time is sacred, as is her hiking obsession, especially if we’re talking the European Alps. She is an avid caffeine and TWD addict, and wants to own otters, sloths, wallabies, koalas, and wombats when she grows up.

  • Merle says:

    Just when I think I’ve heard everything…..

    • Marta Hernandez says:

      You’re welcome. I’m here to help. 😉

      • Rob't E. Zee says:

        Jeeze, Marta:

        Given the tone, tenor and word choices in your column, I think I should not like to take high tea with either you OR the Mad Pooper. You’re right about one thing: her spokesman offered no valid excuse for her behavior. But what’s yours — trying to be ‘funny’ at any cost?

        • Marta Hernandez says:

          Well, luckily for you, I don’t do high tea. I do, however, like to have fun with my writing, and I had fun with this one. I don’t need an “excuse,” since I have violated no laws and infringed on no one’s rights. Your disingenuous comparison however, does give me pause about your intellectual qualifications to judge the tone, tenor, and word choices of my writing.

          Have a nice day, now! 🙂

  • Scott says:

    This is right near me… the crapper, and the spokesperson nee to be SHOT! or at the least arrested, and committed… what complete BS… I just don’t have the words, other than to agree with every point you make, and say that if this crapper strayed into the country, someone would practice the 4 s’s… suppress, shoot, shovel and shut up!

  • Babara says:

    Find out where the thing lives, knock on the door and say, “I think this belongs to you”, and put the poo right on it’s doorstep.

  • Wfjag says:

    Was ze’s performance funded by a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts?

  • Mike H. says:

    Someone should have a DNA test done to find out if xe(spokesman) and xhe(pooper) are related in an integral manner.

  • Joanne8777 says:

    This is disgusting. There is no excuse for this type of behavior and the “woman” in question should be arrested for defacing property and endangering the public.

    Cholera and Hepatitis A are two deadly diseases that are transmitted via feces contamination. For this reason alone, this woman should be arrested. There is a Hepatitis A outbreak in San Diego, CA. 17 people have died from the infection. 450 people have been infected.

    Anybody who has been forced to clean up after this disgusting “woman” should get inoculated for Hepatitis A immediately as a cautionary measure.

    • GWB says:

      Anybody who has been forced to clean up after this disgusting “woman” should get inoculated for Hepatitis A immediately as a cautionary measure.

      And should be reimbursed the cost by the perpetrator.

  • Peter George Stewart says:

    Standard classical liberal rights DO impose an obligation on others. My right to property cashes out as the obligation others have not to interfere with my using it as I please (provided I’m not doing any harm).

    It’s just that the obligation classical liberal rights demand is a negative obligation (a requirement to refrain from something) rather than a positive obligation (a requirement to do something).

  • kb says:

    Who is the spokesperson…I’ll volunteer to crap in their driveway as a form of my First Amendment rights.

  • gbear says:

    Mr. Hankey? Is this near South Park?

  • Cloudbuster says:

    I am unclear on why, if people have been right there, present when she is pooping, nobody has restrained her and held her until police arrive.

  • Fred Z says:

    The evidence is mounting that “trangenders” are in fact crazy.

  • At the airport says:

    Did the brain injury cause the transsexualism, or vice-versa?

  • Deserttrek says:

    the woman should be beaten to a pulp and fed to the buzzards

  • SCSIwuzzy says:

    Lawn sprinkler. Orange dye. Camera.

  • GWB says:

    How much did you have to restrain your inner 12yo boy while writing that, Marta? Heh.

    Egad, this is … not even any words. But it’s indicative of our society today.

    (Me? I would have parked down the street one morning and walked home. Then I would lie in wait. Every day until I caught s/he/it.)

    • Marta Hernandez says:

      Oh, you can’t even imagine! I was giggling madly. Then, I said I HAD to write about it. Then, I had to go back and redact a lot of my 12 yo boy reactions. And now, I’m giggling again!

  • Eric says:

    If taking a dump on your neighbor’s lawn is protected 1A activity, then peeping Toms masturbating in the bushes can’t be far behind. Coming soon to a window near you!

  • Lars Kersch says:

    When I was a kid (a long time ago) I had permission to shoot neighborhood dogs who were pooping on our lawn with my BB gun (I was trusted to be a good enough shot to hit them in the butt). Even the dumbest dog in the neighborhood got the message and went elsewhere to crap.

  • Da BaBa says:

    “Let’s start with the fact that gender reassignment surgery can’t cause a brain injury unless that rancid twat keeps her grey matter in her giblets.”

    Maybe not proof of a brain injury, but gender “reassignment” surgery is proof of mental illness. This guy needs help, but since he is a man pretending to be a woman he gets to claim victimhood and have his bad behavior excused.

    If someone catches him copping a squat on their yard they ought to go old school on him and blast a shotgun full of rock salt at his ass.

  • Brian Brandt says:

    I hate to tell all you people this, but she does in fact have the right to poop any place she wants. In a little known case (State of California vs. Crapper, 2016), the 9th Circuit Chief Justice Sidney Thomas held that the 1st Amendment right to “peaceably assemble” guarantees this right. A law school student from U.C. Berkley interning with the court in it’s Summer session pointed out that the term “assemble” derives from Old English “asse-eable – to droppe pant fore to shitte ones bowels in the high streete, beeing no place of commode.” This common law interpretation swayed the justices to uphold Mr. Crapper’s right.

    In a stinging dissent, Circuit Justice Reinhardt argued that this interpretation was “A steaming crock of shit, staining the reputation of the 9th Circuit, and stinking to high Heaven,” but his view was voted down by a majority. The State of California promised to appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court. Until the high court rules, the decision stands.

    • Marta Hernandez says:

      I had no idea anything could further stain the reputation of the 9th Circus! 😀

      (That was a brilliant write-up!)

      • Brian Brandt says:

        Thank, but I can’t take any credit for it. I just copied verbatim from the official court proceedings of the 9th Circuit.

  • Buford Gooch says:

    Are you just assuming this is a legitimate spokesperson, who has a real relationship with the pooper? “claiming to be a family representative” could also be a troll.

    • Marta Hernandez says:

      It very possibly could be a troll. Sure. That said, that particular status doesn’t matter. What this person has said does.

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