We’ve suffered through, so far, four episodes of Gutsy starring Hillary and Chelsea Clinton. They flopped around in clown college, ate hate for brunch and took on justice and the American woman. Now, come the tales of love from the Clinton crypt.

Hold onto your seats, folks, this is going to be a nauseating ride if I say so myself. The episode begins innocently enough with candid interviews of couples talking about love, marriage, commitment. But about a minute in, Hillary sounds off:

Loving and being loved is the most difficult, bravest, most vulnerable experience that any human being will have.”-Hillary Clinton

Enter Chelsea for her take:

And…love is a verb. It’s a connnnntinnnnnual journey, it’s a connnnntinnnnnual act of bravery and gutsiness, and for some women in some places, defiance. You know part of being gutsy is learning to love in whatever way feels right to you.”-Chelsea Clinton

Ooo. Love is a verb. So glad your Harvard education fared you well, Chelsea.

Hillary and Chelsea start their segment on “Gutsy” women with “Rebel Hearts” in Los Angeles at the home of soccer player, Abby Wambach and former Christian mommy-blogger-turned-feminist, Glennon Doyle. Hillary says the two look as if they are “made” for each other. Brave, gutsy, lesbians giving love a chance. They’re so “plugged into the universe“, says Hillary. Aren’t you glad Abby asks Hillary to tell her story?

We met in law school. It was like this force of nature. When we graduated, he asked me to marry him and I said ‘you know, I’m just not ready to get married.’ A year from then, he asks me again. He was back in Arkansas running for Congress. I was working on the impeachment staff to impeach Richard Nixon. And I said ‘let’s wait’. So, I moved to Arkansas with a job teaching at the law school and, at the end of the semester I thought I would take a trip around to see if I am really committed to this. He’s driving me to the airport and we go by this little house. And, I’m just making conversation. I say, ‘that’s a cute house’, literally, that’s all I said. I come back and he picks me up at the airport and he says, ‘I bought that house you liked, now you have to marry me.'”-Hillary Clinton

Hooo boy. After cooking with Abby and Glennon, the foursome heads out to the patio for a game of Relationship Jenga. The Jenga pieces fall and they all yell, “Mazel Tov!” before Hillary and Chelsea head back to New York City. More tea. More quotes from Hillary Clinton as she sits down with self-identified black, queer minister, Reverend Whittney Ijanaten. The Reverend draws a parallel of her former marriage to Hillary’s Marriage to Bill. Then it comes. The gutsiest thing Hillary Clinton ever did was stay in her marriage. How did Hillary Rodham Clinton stay with dirty, ol’ Bill?

With counseling and good friends. I had to make a decision that I thought was right for me. Having gone through all of that disappointment, anger…once I made the decision, I felt at peace. It was a decision about who I am. It was a decision about who we are. Who he is. My thinking about it is….he is fundamentally a really good person…”-Hillary Clinton

Ummm…what? What kind of fundamentally really good person pals around with rich men who molest teenage girls? What kind of fundamentally really good person is okay with this and has a daughter himself, Hillary?

…And he is a loving, caring, thoughtful person. And I love him with all my heart.”-Hillary Clinton

Clinton goes on to say that Bill was “so embarrassed” and “ashamed to talk about it”. So, she cut him a break and decided to stay with him, as the story goes. GUTSY.

You see, Monica Lewinsky was an adult at the time of the affair in the Oval Office. Hillary said so herself. Juanita Broaddrick? Paula Jones? Kathleen Willey? Leslie Millwee? What difference does it make? Apparently, a big one in Hillary’s perspective on the subject of #MeToo.

Hillary Clinton was so gutsy, she remained silent. Chelsea is either oblivious or has decided to remain silent, too, out of respect for her dysfunctional family and for preservation sake of the trust funds. And while this episode of “Gutsy” is peppered with marriages from Americans with alternative lifestyles, one cannot ignore the elephant in the room. Clinton was not always a champion for same-sex civil unions. Shocker, we know.

Yet even more tea (gotta pee), right-hand-ring making with Gloria Steinem, and more bowling. We hear from Hillary Clinton again talking about giving love away, and how “fighting for them is loving them”…especially when life throws something at ya.

Oy. You know what? Life just threw a whopping headache at me just now. ‘Til next time, Mazel Tov!

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