The latest grinches who stole Christmas? Look no further than Kelly Clarkson and John Legend. “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is back…but not how you may think.

‘Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the house…radios were playing holiday tunes but one song was out.

Written by Frank Loesser in 1944, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” featured in the 1949 film Neptune’s Daughter, winning the Oscar for best original song.

The call and response duet has a female voice trying to tear herself away from her date in myriad ways: “I’ve got to go away … Hey, what’s in this drink?” And finally, ‘The answer is no.'”-NPR

Radio stations hopped on the bandwagon to ban the song from their holiday playlists in the light of #MeToo, stating that the song was “recorded in a different time” and that it gave a subtle nod to date rape culture. A subtle nod? It’s banter. The woman and man clearly like one another. At no point in the song does he force himself on top of her and she keeps her virtue in the end.

But John Legend thinks this somehow needs an update so he teamed up with comedian, Natasha Rothwell to put a new spin on the song and he’s recruited Kelly Clarkson to help him. News outlets are calling it a “new take”, a “rewrite”, an “update”, a “reimagined” rendition, if you will.

To be fair, most of this doing is John’s. But, I must admit, I liked Kelly Clarkson better when she was a cute, starry-eyed, American Idol contestant with a beautiful voice. Ah, yes, then fame and the left grabbed her with their talons.

“Baby it’s Woke Cold Outside” as “reimagined” by Clarkson and Legend will appear on the “deluxe” version of John Legend’s “Holiday” album, “A Legendary Christmas”. This has been an album that was previously released. But now, it’s a money-grab, “deluxe” version. Wait a second, John. YOU used “Christmas” in your title. What about those who don’t celebrate Christmas? Don’t you think you’re being offensive or buying into old Christian traditions by referring to the actual holiday as such? Do us a favor, John and don’t use Christmas in your album title. I for one, happen to find Christmas to be the utmost of joyous occasions and I don’t want the joy siphoned out of it by the likes of you.

Baby is offensive to those who are unable to have kids please change that too

— Steve (@stevemag19) October 29, 2019

'cold' is also offensive for those that live in warmer climates, it's not inclusive.

— Bababooey (@LaCubsFan) October 31, 2019

Here’s a sampling of the lyrics:

I really can’t stay (Baby it’s cold outside)/I’ve gotta go away (I can call you a ride)/This evening has been (So glad that you dropped in)/So very nice (Time spent with you is paradise)/My mother will start to worry (I’ll call a car and tell ’em to hurry).”-John Legend, Kelly Clarkson/When It’s Cold Outside; co-written by John Legend and Natasha Rothwell.”

As a special bonus, John Legend and his classy, brainiac, wifey-for-lifey, Chrissy Teigan will be featured in the December issue of Vanity Fair where I’m sure you will read about more cerebral stuff like this (language NSFW):

Luna bought a locket today and told me to open it, put a kiss in and close it fast so the kiss doesn’t leave. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. My heart

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 30, 2019

Vanity Fair chooses to call them a “modern-day fairytale”. Yeah. My kid doing sweet things for me really brings out the f-word and poor grammar on Twitter, I don’t know about you.

Back to the topic at hand-a “reimagined” ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ will be coming to a radio station near you. I know. The anticipation is killing us all. More:

KC: “What will my friends think…”
JL: “I think they should rejoice.”
KC: “…if I have one more drink?”
JL: “It’s your body, and your choice.”

What’s next? “I’ll call you a car in a hurry so you can get to the Planned Parenthood Clinic, it’s your body, your choice?” Or, let’s try this one on for size: “Baby It’s Cold Outside. Put on your pink pussycat hat and antifa gear and make that banner anyway?” I’ve wondered if part of the proceeds of the sale of said “deluxe” album actually went to benefit victims of rape and sexual harassment? Or if a portion was donated to shelters who house women escaping domestic violence? Nah. Why on earth would Legend think to actually do something meaningful after screwing up a song? Instead, Clarkson and Legend want to revamp a song in the name of vacuous virtue-signaling, make a profit off of it and point out that the original lyrics were wrong and they are on the right side of history.

Baby, it’s cold inside the houses of Kelly Clarkson and John Legend. Empty, dead, void of any humor and frigid. ‘Tis the season for the woke to wreck the halls with song lyrics, cause arguments at holiday get-togethers and literally suck the ever-loving joy out of well, everything. You’ve been warned.

Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons/Creative Commons/Sachyn Mital [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)]