Due to the perilous position President Donald Trump put us in, the “real” Americans (who are also self-identified Antifa) took to Portland this weekend, and decided to ride in the buff. It was an emergency, after all.

They had to do something. There were individuals (who shouldn’t be naked) in various stages of undress. There were furries and those donning inflatable costumes. There was even a “die in” on the Burnside Bridge.

John and Yoko would be so proud. Far out and groovy it is, man. The naked hippies are back! Imagine all the (naked) people. It’s easy if you try. A bunch of liberals wearing no clothes screaming at the Portland sky. Just another day in Crazytown.

They were making a statement, after all.

The same people who want to teach kids about sexuality also want to be nude in public around them.

I wonder if these things are correlated in some way. pic.twitter.com/vSdOkXFm1u

— Shaun Marksbury (@marksbury) October 13, 2025

Because, don’t you know, all parents want to explain to their littles why some 60-year-old, dude (who still thinks he’s 25 and likes to talk to girls that age or younger) with a freaking man bun, is wearing an anti-Trump sign around his torso, but peddling his bike standing up while his nutsack sways to and fro. Or, why the topless 300-pound, purple-haired woman has nipple rings is beaching herself on a bridge.

Real Americans, they are.

We definitely do not want troops coming into our city”.

Said one 51 year-old rider who wore nothing but a wig and wool socks. And speaking of wigging, mind you, these are the same folks who, who years ago wigged out if you didn’t stand 6-feet apart. The same people wanted EVERYTHING shut down for fear of dying. They didn’t want your kids playing football or having wrestling matches. Now, they’re in the elements, in the nude, lying on the filthy bridges of Portland in piles doing “die-ins”.

Super-spreader, anyone?

Joy is a form of protest. Being together with mutual respect and kindness is a form of protest. It’s your choice how much or little you wear.”

Said the World Naked Bike Ride Organizers. Oh, count it all joy! The party of joy. Just get out there and spread the uh…joy, joy, joy.

I'm guessing they are still wearing their bicycle helmets because Mommy will ground them if they don't have it on.

— Think out of the sphere (@ThinkOutaSphere) October 13, 2025

Seat covers. In a word: Ewww.

All are welcome! From the shy to the bold. Cyclists, rollerbladers, rollerskaters, skate boarders. All ages, sizes, and colors welcome. Bring your family and your co-workers!

What to wear? Do not fear! The World Naked Bike Ride dress code is “As Bare As You Dare”… How bare is that? How dare is that? It’s all up to you. You decide what you are comfortable with. No one is excluded or discriminated against based on levels of clothing, bodypaint, or anything else for that matter!”-World Naked Bike Ride

Bring your family (for some great “fun” and nightmares)! Oh, and your co-workers, too! I’d say those would be some mighty awkward conversations had at the water cooler on Monday. Hey Dick, how you hangin’?

Bare as you dare…

I'm guessing they are still wearing their bicycle helmets because Mommy will ground them if they don't have it on.

— Think out of the sphere (@ThinkOutaSphere) October 13, 2025

Is it too early for ODOT to bring out the snow plows? Asking for a friend.

It’s almost as if these “protests” are not even about immigration (illegal or legal) anymore. These wackjobs are out just doing whatever they do just to do it. But, in the end, they can’t pretend to be all happy-go-lucky and joyful and fun-loving one day whilst hurling insults and condoning violence on the streets the next. Some of the very same “real” Americans who are completely fine with being naked in front of strangers’ kids are the very same people who will turn to you and call you a “bigot” or, worse, a “nazi” for not agreeing with them. “Real” Americans who want socialism and more government as a god. “Real” Americans who will justify killing a person with a differing political opinion as a means to an end. Don’t let their vulnerability here fool you for one hot second. They’ve helped create this hellscape.

The naked bikers and “real” Americans, as they now like to dub themselves, will need their rest this week while you work your (clothed) ass off. Looks like they have a full weekend of No Kings Part Deux coming up again this Saturday. Time to get out the magic markers and make some more homemade swastika signs and rehearse the folk songs.

Such a strong coalition getting out there and mobilizing. Make no mistake. They are the true Americans and they are, ummm, (snicker) un-flappable. Watch it giggle.

How will this next weekend fare? The answers, my friends, may be blowin’ in the wind.

Photo Credit: Carlos Felipe Pardo, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons/Cropped