Back in the days pre-social media and before people got so self-absorbed they cannot wipe their own backside, people knew what to do and what to wear. If the girl down the street was marrying the boy from two streets over, you put on your “Sunday go to meeting clothes” and went off to congratulate the happy couple. And some of us had Mothers to warn us against sending the wrong signals out. Those Mothers told us not to wear RED to a wedding because someone might take it as a signal we had slept with the groom or wished to sleep with the groom. The horror! Apparently this myth is back again because bad myths never die, they just get recycled for a new generation.

Just call me Prissy Miss Toni. Let me make like Miss Manners and help y’all out. I heard the red myth from my Mother growing up. I consulted my husband before starting this post. He said his Mother told him “Ladies” shouldn’t wear red as a guest at a wedding, but never told him why. Nowadays, if old adages held true, all should avoid that color because everyone of either sex (we are old-fashioned biologists) may have or want to sleep with the groom. Lord have mercy.

Well, a couple of United Kingdom wedding planners and podcasters caused the “red myth” kerfuffle the other day:

The episode, which is titled “It Ain’t Your Day,” outlined general tips on how to be a “good wedding guest,” including the clothing styles and colors the two wedding professionals think guests should avoid.

“So, are there any other colors apart from white you shouldn’t wear at a wedding?” Smith asked her co-host.

“Red means you’ve slept with a groom,” Mitchell replied with a laugh. “[It’s] an old wives’ tale.”

She elaborated that she doesn’t think the wedding myth should hold people back from wearing what they want to wear, however, she acknowledged that guests should carefully consider their wedding day outfits.

“I don’t think that I would rule out red as a color,” Mitchell said. “I think it depends on the dress.”

Smith said she thinks the color red can be perceived as “sexy” or “naughty.”

Boom! There it is! I love the title of this podcast. “It Ain’t Your Day”. Great advice. You are a guest of the bridal couple. Your job is to sit quietly during the ceremony, congratulate the groom on his bride, congratulate the bride on her beauty, and thank the parents (even though they probably didn’t pay) for having you. You eat meagerly, party appropriately, don’t over imbibe, or make yourself stand out in any way. Think of yourself as the color beige. Dress accordingly. This ain’t your day. This is not the day to show off your rock hard gym body or 190 pound weight loss. Whether anyone wears red or not, this is not an opportunity to guess about the sexual past of either of the bridal party and any and all guests at the wedding.

If the bridal couple ask everyone to wear red, or black or white or beige, then comply if you are able. Some couples take the theme wedding too far as they bully couples. For instance, let’s pretend you get an invitation with the following instructions:

All male guests are required to wear khaki cargo shorts, purple Chuck Taylor Converse All-Star sneakers and a purple and orange Hawaiian shirt.

All female guests are required to wear a Cinderella ball gown in the style of the 1950 animated version. Female guests must wear their hair in an updo.

Security will not permit entrance to guests not following these instructions

When a couple is thus self-absorbed, unless you fancy this type of fascist invite, you may politely decline because you are rearranging your sock drawer that entire day.

Other than the self-absorbed brow-beating invite, the most important thing to consider for your outfit is the culture of the couple. For the couple, the color red or the color yellow may signify blessings or happiness. In some houses of worship, a head covering is required for men and women. As a guest, no matter what you think, if you accept an invitation to the wedding, fall in line. Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice wore some stunningly ugly fascinators to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton twelve years ago, that still hold the prize for Olympic Ugliness.

This past week has been a masterclass in culturally appropriate wedding fashions. Crown Prince Hussein of Jordan married a Saudi architect, Rajwa Al-Saif. There was a daytime wedding and an evening reception requiring two completely different looks. First the soft daytime looks without fussy jewelry. Let’s see if you can pick out the two guests who didn’t consult a protocol officer:

That’s right. The two guests who failed their daytime looks were DOCTOR Jill Biden and her daughter Ashley. DOCTOR Jill’s keyhole neckline was too deep. Daughter Ashley’s dress was too short and she wasn’t wearing stockings.

Let’s look at the reception fashions:

Here is the Princess of Wales in the Lover’s Knot tiara and a body conscious glittery dress, while the Prince of Wales talks to Ivanka Trump. Notice the women are covered but still incredibly sexy and glamorous.

Prince William seen talking to Ivanka Trump at Jordan royal wedding but Kate… https://t.co/6Nq5j5FWbu pic.twitter.com/qnhi2o8CjR

— Hindustan Times (@htTweets) June 3, 2023

Here Japanese Royalty followed by Princess Beatrice and her husband, an Italian Count.

Tiara moment alert Princess Beatrice @yorkiebea and Edoardo Mapelli attended the Royal Wedding of Crown Prince Hussein bin Abdullah of Jordan and Rajwa Al Saif in Amman on 1 June 2023.@RoyalFamily pic.twitter.com/2DDRIF6ZcH

— Princess Beatrice ♔ (@HRHBeaOfYork) June 1, 2023

Finally, DOCTOR Jill went to the reception. Dear God, the DOCTOR is a living “What not to wear”. She could have used a search engine, if she didn’t want to ask a protocol officer. I know her dress is Oscar DeLa Renta, but it looks like she whipped up the dress and bought $0.49 appliques from Hobby Lobby. Since it was a Middle Eastern wedding, her short sleeves were a no-no. She covered up her arms with what I pray is a Pashmina shawl, but is more likely a hastily tied throw blanket from the ladies’ lounge.

First Lady @FLOTUS Jill Biden wore @OscardelaRenta and @Reem_Acra during her time in Jordan for the Royal wedding of the Crown Prince. pic.twitter.com/yW6LuuYgYV

— Flotusfashionista (@Flotusfashions) June 1, 2023

Look, it’s not fashionable today, but don’t think of yourself first. Think of the couple whose guest you will be. If red is appropriate, wear red. If it is formal, wear formalwear. If it’s t-shirts and jeans, then go with the flow. However, if you did sleep with the bride and/or the groom, consider staying home.

I know that I am Prissy Miss Toni, but I don’t get talked about, much.

Featured Image: Sky Summerwind/flickr.com/cropped/Creative Commons