Back when I was a kid, I saw a Merrie Melodies cartoon–made many years earlier–titled “We are gremlins from the Kremlin”. In it, Soviet gremlins attacked Japanese Zeros and other aircraft while in flight. Well, now we have something new. According to a declassified report from the CIA, Soviet soldiers in Ukraine not long before the fall of the Soviet Union shot down a UFO and, well, let’s just say the aliens onboard didn’t take kindly to having their trip interrupted. As a result, somewhere near Moscow, the Russian version of Area 51 now houses 23 pillars of stone that were once soldiers.

Reading such a story leaves most folks shaking their heads. The fact it comes from Russia makes it doubly hard to believe. Remember, this is the land where they’ve displayed the “body” of Vladimir Lenin since shortly after his death in 1924. Either they have some really awesome undertakers there or this has been one of the longest running cons in history. (Here’s a hint: Putin’s government has reinstituted payments to “preserve” the body.) Anyway. . .

Sometime late in the Soviet era, troops were conducting a training exercise when they noticed a “low-flying spaceship in the shape of a saucer” flying overhead. For whatever reason, instead of calling in air support, they launched a surface-to-air missile at the UFO. Unlike Star Wars stormtroopers, their aim was sure and they blew up the object, according to the report.

It fell to Earth not far away, and five short humanoids with ‘large heads and large black eyes’ emerged from it,” the report claims.

After escaping the debris of their ruined ship, the beings huddled together and “merged into a single object that acquired a spherical shape,” the surviving soldiers recalled.

“In a few seconds, the spheres grew much bigger and exploded by flaring up with an extremely bright light. At that very instant, 23 soldiers who had watched the phenomenon turned into … stone poles,” the report states.

“Only two soldiers who stood in the shade and were less exposed to the luminous explosion survived,” it added.

Now, I don’t know about you, but if I saw five of anything, be it humanoid or not, emerge from the wreckage of a UFO I’d just shot down with a SAM, I wouldn’t be standing around and waiting to see what happened next. I certainly wouldn’t be doing so as they “merged” and changed shapes. Hey, I’ve seen what happens when you blow a balloon up too much. It explodes. Why in the world would I stand around while five probably p*ssed off aliens change shapes and start growing in size? This gal would be hiding in the trees with the other two soldiers–if I wasn’t already running for the hills.

But, in true Soviet form, the survivors notified their superiors (Probably after changing their pants and saying more than a few prayers because they’d been in the shadows) and the KGB descended on the scene, transporting not only the stone pillars that once were their fellow soldiers but also the wreckage of the ship to a hidden base near Moscow.

Hmm, doesn’t that sound familiar? Can anyone say “Roswell” and “Area 51”?

Here’s where I about killed my keyboard by spitting out my coffee: “If the KGB file corresponds to reality, this is an extremely menacing case,” an unnamed CIA analyst is quoted as saying in response to the tale. “The aliens possess such weapons and technology that go beyond all our assumptions. They can stand up for themselves if attacked.”

All I can say to that is, “DUH!”

The declassified report also says that the Soviet scientists studying the stone soldiers concluded that the light that came with the explosion of the aliens turned bright, shiny sphere turned the soldiers into “a limestone-like substance”.

Am I the only one right now thinking about the story of Lot’s wife who was turned into a pillar of salt when she disobeyed God’s instructions and looked back to see Sodom being destroyed?

But here’s the interesting thing: this report may have only recently been declassified, but the incident has been discussed for years. Media reports go back to as early as 1993. NASA’s Unexplained Files on the Science Channel did a piece on it more than a year ago.

It was also discussed on The Joe Rogan Experience a year ago.

So why the sudden renewed interest?

Who knows? There does seem to be more coverage of reports of UFOs or UAPs. We’ve seen miltary footage of purported UAPs. We have TV and streaming channels devoted to flying saucers, the paranormal and more. But, as for this particular incident, color me skeptical. To paraphrase Sharon Osbourne on “The Osbournes Want to Believe”, “It’s Russian. It’s a lie!”

Still, it is something to consider in the dark of night as a shooting star slashes through the sky. . . .

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Featured image: Aliens, UFO, and soldiers. Created by Amanda S. Green, using Gemini.