Oh noes! Dr. Ben Carson is a bungling surgeon who has ruined the lives of many of his patients! He even left a (gasp! clutch pearls!) sponge in the brains of one of them!

So claims the tabloid National Enquirer. In an article posted Wednesday, the tattler breathlessly exclaimed:

Judging by White House wannabe Ben Carson’s track record as a neurosurgeon, his presidential campaign should be declared dead on arrival!
In a bombshell investigation into his medical career, The National ENQUIRER has exclusively learned the now retired doc allegedly butchered one patient’s brain — and EVEN left a sponge in another’s skull!
According to at least six malpractice lawsuits against Carson obtained by The ENQUIRER, the Republican candidate allegedly rushed patients into surgery, and brandished a scalpel like a meat cleaver!

Oh, the kindly Dr. Carson belongs in a horror movie!

One of the complainants, Karly Bailey, now a 27-year-old Florida woman, told the Enquirer (fee she may have received is undisclosed) that when she was nine Dr. Carson operated on her, removing a tumor and ruining her life.

He’s totally untrustworthy! My parents told him they weren’t authorizing him to remove the whole tumor because of the risk. But he did what he g**damned pleased! He tried to remove all of the tumor, and injured my nerves and brain stem.
I was paralyzed on my right side. I’ve never fully recovered. I have chronic fatigue, and my eyes dance around. It’s like having permanent vertigo. My face droops and people are really cruel. (Asterisks mine.)