Here we go again. The proglodytes’ old standby when they are unable to shove their policies down the collective throats of society is fomenting outrage. The Internet loves outrage! Outrage provides what for some is a necessary outlet to vent, to show how caring and virtuous they are. It allows the worst of society to use the force they love so much – whether government or mob pressure – to show how noble and caring they are about their fellow man without doing anything of actual value.

The proglodyte outrage has been egregiously stupid the over the past few months.

A recent report from Massachusetts says that state legislator Michelle DuBois is outraged that wants to remove a sign on one of the entrances at the statehouse.

Why?

Because his name is Joseph Hooker, and that’s apparently somehow demeaning to… um… women.

She has been calling for the removal of a statehouse sign that reads “General Hooker Entrance” (so inscribed because it stands opposite a statue of General Hooker), which she described as an affront to “women’s dignity.”

“Female staffers don’t use that entrance because the sign is offensive to them,” DuBois told WBZ-TV this week.

Yep, they’re hyperventilating because the name of a military general who fought against the Confederacy during the Civil War that has come to mean “whore,” but did not mean that at the time, graces the entrance of a public building.

Someone please give these snowflakes some pearls to clutch!

And then there’s the LGBTQIAFBIOSCEXYZ crowd, who are OUTRAGED! because apparently, a lesbian scene was cut out of the Black Panther movie.

LGBT groups took to Twitter.com to vent their anger at Marvel Studios and Disney for deleting the scene. The hashtag #LetAyoHaveAGirlfriend was soon trending on Twitter.com, and users tweeted terms such as “lesbian erasure”.

Because we need affirmation! No, it has nothing to do with the movie, but hey… We can’t simply be satisfied with living our lives and being happy. We must force everyone else to give us the attention and validation we need! Ayo needs to be openly gay, and we all need to know it…

…much like Dumbledore, whom “Harry Potter” series author JK Rowling outed as gay a few years ago, must be openly gay and and show it. He must be snogging Grindelwald or something! Because if not, Rowling must be a homophobe who hates Teh Gheys™ or something!

Then, we have the knob gremlins who are having spasms because Kim Kardashian’s concealers are “not inclusive enough.”

The new concealer kits form part of the reality TV star’s KKW Beauty brand and come in 16 different shades.

The campaign imagery might feature models of different sizes, ages and skin tones, but fans are claiming that the majority of shades available in the range wouldn’t work for women with darker skin, with some labelling it “disrespectful”.

One couldn’t headdesk hard enough at this!

Because the terminally outraged don’t like the makeup line, Kardashian, who is a white woman married to a black man, must be a racist, or not diverse enough or something! Because apparently there just aren’t enough other brands out there in the vast sea of available make-up. Let’s find OUTRAGE, proving once again that the social justice zealots have a pathological need to be offended by something… ANYTHING!

The muff mafia, for instance, currently has the sadz, because Frito Lay had the temerity to imply that women are a bit more classy than guys, probably don’t want to look like Neanderthals with chips crumbling out of their mouths as they eat them, and would probably appreciate a Dorito that’s not loud or messy. Because OPPRESSIVE PATRIARCHY or something!

Julia Reiss of Complex.com, for example, wrote an angry article titled “Doritos is rolling out Sexist-as-F*ck chips,” in which she complained that “the patriarchy is all too real these days,” and that she wasn’t sure if “we should boycott the brand or start a viral, crunch chip-eating, finger-licking, bag-tossing campaign.”

Tim Nelson of ExtraCrispy.com also connected the “Lady Doritos” to the patriarchy that is apparently alive and well in America, writing: “Of course, a company as large as PepsiCo would never stop to question how our base capitalist system perpetuates a cultural superstructure where women are made to feel that they can’t lick Dorito dust off their fingers without falling short of some patriarchal concept of femininity,” adding sarcastically that perhaps PepsiCo will start to produce a Mountain Dew “for men that actively suppresses emotion next.”

It doesn’t matter that no one is forcing women to buy these Lady Doritos, and they are perfectly welcome to buy the messy guy ones and slurp orange cheese dust off their fingers loudly and publicly! It also doesn’t matter that some women might actually like the non-messy version. They must deprive everyone of their choices and their joy in the name of feminism!

Don’t get me wrong – everyone has the right to be offended. We live in a free country, after all. That said, these petty, absurd grievances detract from issues that really matter. Cancer, famine, poverty, violence… It’s as if these drama queens are jealous of real victims. They need injustice to feel complete, because it’s too difficult to be relevant and significant if you’re privileged enough to have been born in this country, had a stable family, or are *GASP* white! They can’t be happy with what they have, because that would mean they can’t take advantage of being a victim.

So they’re offended. They’re outraged. Their indignation must receive attention!