Oh, the days of showing up to parties of random garage bands put together by friends mimicking grunge heard from bands out of Seattle-Mudhoney, Mother Love Bone and Nirvana, to name a few.

It was the early 90s and I was, once upon a time, a liberal in college (to date myself). Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was topping the charts. My friends were in a band. My boyfriend at the time was in several bands. What were we thinking about? Where was the house party that weekend? Whose band was playing at said house party? Who was jamming with who at said house party? Whose band actually had a paid gig at the local rock club? Who was going to put together the impromptu band and create some senseless noise after way too many beers at the after-after-hours house party at 3:00am? Whose house party will get broken up by the cops?

Never once did any of us drunkenly muse, “who is the kid on Nirvana’s ‘Nevermind‘ cover and why is he naked in a pool? Isn’t that child pornography?” After 30 years, it appears that the actual “Nirvana Baby”, Spencer Elden, now thinks it is. So much so, Spencer is seeking damages. Smells like a lawsuit.

Elden, who apparently is an artist himself, was four months old when his little naked baby body graced the iconic cover of Nirvana’s Nevermind album. His parents were apparently paid $200 in exchange for use of this photo. Elden is now filing a lawsuit against Kurt Cobain’s estate and the band’s surviving members, saying the band violated federal child pornography statutes and exploited him sexually.

The permanent harm he has proximately suffered includes but is not limited to extreme and permanent emotional distress with physical manifestations, interference with his normal development and educational progress, lifelong loss of income earning capacity, loss of past and future wages, past and future expenses for medical and psychological treatment, loss of enjoyment of life, and other losses to be described and proven at trial of this matter.”-The Daily Wire

Elden’s lawyer makes the claim that the dollar bill on the album, dangling from a hook, makes baby “look like a sex worker“.

Oh, really Spencer? Here he is explaining people seeing his “baby penis as a baby”…

Dude, man. Pass me the Doritos. Cut-outs of baby penises? Trippy.

“I’m Spencer Elden and that’s my baby penis.” Why do I feel like this idiot probably used this pick-up line on girls before?

Elden has recreated the pose, in swim trunks, on the occasion of the album’s 10th, 17th, 20th and 25th anniversaries. We can blame perhaps the first two of these appearances on youth and not knowing any better but seriously, three more times after this? He even suggested doing one of these naked but the photographer thought that would be weird. All of that therapy must have worked out for Elden because he was seemingly okay with recreating his baby pose minus his junk hanging out. (Thank God.) Elden, billed as the “Nirvana Baby” is also charging $30-$40 a pop for a photo op and an autograph at Niagara Falls ComicCon. Elden, though being a survivor of “sexual abuse” in the form of an album cover, also got the “Nevermind” emblem tattooed across his chest. Such trauma. Spencer needs to sue. Smells like someone’s hard-up (no pun intended) for cash.

If Spencer Elden is allowed to sue Nirvana for that album cover, I'm suing my mum for dressing me as a Trash Bag Wizard for Halloween once pic.twitter.com/jfCxepOztq

— Karn EX (@Karn_EX) August 25, 2021

[When] I go to a baseball game and think about it: ‘Man, everybody at this baseball game has probably seen my little baby penis,’ I feel like I got part of my human rights revoked.”-Spencer Elden

Oh, please! You know what this is really about? Read on. From GQ:

Q: In the past you’ve said it was cool. When did that change?
Elden: Just a few months ago, when
I was reaching out to Nirvana to see if they wanted to be part of my art show. I was getting referred to their managers and their lawyers. Why am I still on their cover if
 I’m not that big of a deal?
Q: Why’d you reach out to them?
Elden: I was trying to do an art show with the photographer who took the picture. I was asking if they wanted to put a piece of art in the f#cking thing.”-GQ, September, 2016

In a nutshell, this smug millennial is butt-hurt because no one will return his phone calls. Wah. Sniffle. Spencer Elden is not important to them. Dave Grohl is not rushing to the phone and picking up because “Nirvana Baby” is calling. Doesn’t Dave know who he is? He’s the little tike whose neener-neener was out in the open for all to see on your successful album cover, Dave. You, Kurt and the rest of the band exploited him!

Stupidity is contagious. But Spencer’s plight has entertained us. His justification just stinks…in fact, Teen Spirit smells great compared to this dirty, blown-out adult diaper on the overgrown man-child that he is. Perhaps he’s angry because there’s may not be much of a difference between the baby picture and one from present day, if you get my drift. Oh well. Whatever. Nevermind.

Photo Credit: davetoaster/FlickR/Creative Commons/Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)/Cropped