I had a conversation on Twitter with my friend Melissa Clouthier, when she gave the advice that it is a good idea for a woman to send a man flowers.
Now, never before would it have occured to me to send a man flowers. It always seemed it would be embarassing to him, especially if his friends or co-workers saw them. But according to Melissa, and to a friend of hers, Seth Trout, it can be a good idea, as long as they are “masculine” flowers. Seth gives examples such as venus fly traps or tiger lilies.
If this is really a good idea, I’m thrilled to hear it because, after all, doing something traditionally romantic for a man is difficult. Never before had I thought of sending a guy flowers. You don’t buy him jewelry, except perhaps a nice watch. Romantic plans for a guy in my experience have usually involved planning some kind of activity I know he’ll appreciate, and cooking a really great meal, complete with dessert. But still, is it a good idea to send a man flowers?
So, I ask this question to you, my readers. Please respond in the poll below, and leave your responses in the comment section. I’m very curious about this.
Michael Fiano says: Back in the late 60’s my G-friend sent me several Kilo’s of really nice flowers but local law enforcement did’nt think it was so romantic.
Maybe a venus fly trap, but that’s only because they feed themselves. Plants in general and flowers in particular are too high maintenance. Honestly, a six-pack of beer would do a better job of showing me they care, and would elicit a more positive response than flowers.
Beer – “Sweet! I love beer!”
Flowers – “What the hell am I supposed to do with these? Should I give them back to you?”
Unless, of course, if we’re talking birthdays here, electronics and/or mechanical things are the rule.
Bob says: I don’t really want flowers. I’d rather have a bunch of candy bars.
Or beer. 😀
Mark says: Maybe Michelle can send Barry some poison ivy.
I clicked maybe because while I honestly prefer not to get gifts, I imagine others might think differently. I have no concerns of girly or manly flowers; hell, I’m still amazed my much-better-half has anything to do with me!
I don’t particularly care for the amputated sex organs of a plant, and I have always wondered why they had any appeal at all to women.
Fortunately, I found a woman who feels the same way, and we’ve been happily married for 17 years now. We have never given each other material gifts at all — after all, we own everything in common anyway. The only gifts that we *can* give each other are the gifts of affection and time together.
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http://www.chl-tx.com
Mark says: Though I voted NO on the survey, I wouldn’t mind receiving, in lieu of a “manly” plant, roses, tomatoes, that I can plant in my garden. Even a euonymous shrub.
J David says: Cassy would have been WAY far ahead to stop this particular column at the end of the second sentence, and go read Melissa’s responses to her poll and comment sections.
I’m going to stop right now before I become decidedly “in-then-thi-tive” to guys who are OK with getting flowers from(or other guys), and “strong women” who give them.
J David says: Some really GOOD answers to the question above! My kind of crowd.
Jesse in South FL says: Absolutely not. Don’t get me wrong, I would be flattered and genuinely pleased by the idea that somebody cared enough to send them, but what am I supposed to DO with them? I think flowers are dumb gifts for women as well…a complete waste of money. I like giving things people can use…hell, my mom always just wants restaurant gift cards since she travels a lot, and I refuse because I’m not buying somebody FOOD for a birthday gift. Same thing goes for flowers, but as a man, you just HAVE to buy them sometimes. But for me, it’s not just a matter of being a bad gift, I just don’t like receiving gifts from people I care about period. While I appreciate the gesture, I’m a big boy who works two jobs seven days a week. I can buy something if I want it; if I can’t afford it and won’t save for it, I don’t need it. I don’t want somebody that I care about (especially a girlfriend) to spend one penny of their money on me. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I don’t like a woman to pay for ANYTHING while I’m around, that includes co-workers at lunch, my friend’s girlfriends, sisters-in-law, aunts, whatever. I just feel like it’s a gentleman’s obligation. Still, if a woman just HAD to buy me a gift, give me something I will use like books, concert tickets, a nice dress shirt, etc (electronic gadgets cost too much). Personally, I would prefer to just have a nice evening either at home or out on the town, just spending time with somebody who cares about me.
Also, if a woman gives her boyfriend/husband flowers, he only has one choice…he has to pretend that he loves them. So then what happens? She gets you flowers the next time, and the next time, and the next time. It’s a vicious cycle.
BTW, I was seeing this woman for a little while and we started to get fairly serious (so I thought). She had me over to her house for Thanksgiving to meet her family. I thought I’d do the right thing and pick up some flowers on the way to her house. She dumped me two weeks later for another guy. That’s 20 bucks I could have put in my gas tank before driving to the jewelry store to return her Christmas present. Moral of the story, FLOWERS SUCK!
No, I am not bitter!
Flowers would not be my first choice, but a gift from the “special someone” in your life is to be appreciated for what it symbolizes. And if one takes a little ribbing from coworkers, so what.
My wife and daughter have both gifted me, not with flowers, but live plants. They both reside in my office; I have managed not to kill either of them after more than a year.
Shannon in AZ says: Nope to flowers. If I wanted flowers, I would have some up already that I bought on my own showing I like plants.
Side note: The comments load super slow past the poll. I’m on firefox.
mj says: I was promised flowers by a girl in highschool. At the time, I kind of thought it was interesting. However, now over twenty-five years later, I’m beginning to think they’re not coming. Though I’m more a flowers-buying kind of guy, I suppose that I could appreciate a gift for the value which it holds to the giver, too.
JimC says: a BJ would be more appropriate…
Rob Farrington says: Um…maybe a Triffid? That’d be more manly than flowers.
Don Carl says: Ya want to buy him fancy underwear too?
SkydiverRick says: Manly flowers??????
get him flowers.. but do not be offended to find out he sold them to a buddy of his to pass on to his girlfriend.
Stephen J. says: *IF*, and it’s a big if, you already know he’s one of the rare guys who likes flowers and will take proper care of them, then sure, send away. It’s less important what the gift is than that it’s something he likes and will enjoy, whatever that is.
However, whatever the gift, *don’t* send it to him at work or in any kind of public place. Most men are fine with getting gifts, but very few of us (and none that I know) like to “show off” the moment of actually *receiving* the gift the way that women seem to. For women, receiving a gift in public is a valuable demonstration of her man’s affection. For men, it tends to imply we didn’t have the wealth or the ability to acquire the item on our own, and usually opens the door to a fair bit of razzing and ridicule (albeit hopefully good-natured in most instances). Men appreciate gifts much more if they’re given one-on-one, something special and private for us alone.
Bob M. says it well. I would appreciate the gift because it is the right thing to do, but do not want any gifts–flowers or otherwise.
I would rather the Mrs. invest the money in sure thing like the Detroit Lions finishing with no more than 3 wins in 2009 or any year for that matter.
I R A Darth Aggie says: Steak and blowjob works just fine.
Phil says: Hhhmmm… after reading some of the comments… folks are right y’all! Women are from Venus… Men are from… some where else… About the whole flowers thang… if the ex-bride had given me flowers… cool! My question is… considering some of the responses I’ve read… is the gift… be it flowers or beer or whatever… is the gift about what I want and so possibly making me a self centred pratt, or the fact that she thought about me or cared enough to give me something… anything… even flowers…
MarkS says: No.
J David says: No, Phil…No. She is NOT going to hold you to that standard. If you give her a kitchen appliance on an anniversary or birthday, or in some cases even Christmas(even if she needs it, or it will save labor)be sure you have retained a divorce lawyer.
The standard “romantic” gift for a woman is utterly worthless symbolic gesture, preferably one that can be shown off to friends and co-workers. It is flowers, compressed carbon lumps that glitter, lingerie that will be worn once or twice, chocolate(the best gift of the bunch in my book), and useless $3.00+ cards for every occasion(which, no matter how obscure, you are expected to remember and celebrate). The more practically usable the gift, the less “romantic” and appreciated it will be.
J David says: If she REALLY put some thought into it, she wouldn’t give you what SHE wants, she would give you what she(if she actually has been studying you)knows you like, and not doing it so you will do it back like a robot for every little obscure occasion she thinks you should celebrate.
NB says: I would have said no two years ago, but a former girlfriend sent flowers to my work (I.T. at a trucking company, you’d be hard pressed to find a more masculine environment). Since no guy including myself had ever seen a girl send a guy flowers everyone just assumed I was a total stud who must have done something earth shattering. No one gave a shit about the “feminization” of men, it was all about “what’d you do to get a girl so into you that she sent you flowers?”
I guess all I would say is, if you’re a girl and you’re gonna send your man flowers, make damn sure that he’s the type of guy who will appreciate what you’re trying to convey by sending them. If he’s the type that’s just going to be baffled by why you would get him a “chick gift”, probably best to give it a pass. Not saying either type of guy is better or worse, just saying its like everything else in gift giving. Know your audience.
Absolutely, it is OK. I have had women send me flowers in the past and I always appreciated it. Granted, sending me tools would be better, but I like flowers, too.
I’m reminded of the time my wife said, “I got you a birthday present.” After a pause and no apparent attempt on her part to hand me a wrapped box, I said, “Umm, can I see it?” She replied, “Okay. I’ll go upstairs and put it on.”
If we’re talking about a gift for your husband or boyfriend, the best present you can give him is you looking sexy and desirable. (If we’re talking a co-worker or your brother, okay, maybe showing up at work or the family re-union in a slinky negligee would not be entirely appropriate.)
In general, I find most gift-giving difficult. If one of my friends or relatives really wants or needs something, they’ll buy it for themselves. So if I buy them something, it’s either something they already have or something they have no particular use for. (Obvious exception being children who have no money and relatives who are either always or at the moment having financial problems.) I generally end up buying people books or knick-knacks. Same goes when people buy presents for me: no offense, but it’s almost never something I particularly want, it’s a nice thought but mostly a waste of money.
I don’t know why women like to get flowers, but I’m glad of it: It gives me something to buy for her. I don’t understand why guys complain about this. It’s an easy fall-back if you don’t know something she specifically wants, almost every woman likes it, and for a modest amount of money you can often get out of a losing argument.
Capt Nemo says: Holy crap, I never even fathomed the idea of receiving flowers until I read this post earlier this week. Yesterday a girl I’m seeing gave me flowers for my birthday. Did she think I just won the Indy 500? I think I was polite, but what the hell am I going to do with them. I don’t have a vase. I have a beer stein that might be big enough, but geez. She said she asked 3 guy friends (1 is gay) if it was a kosher gift and 2 of them said ‘yes’.
Crazy.
Flowers for a guy? Your friends are out of their minds. It boils down to this: guys are logic-driven, girls are emotion-driven. There’s nothing wrong with this distinction (it is who we are, after all!). However, this creates a difference in tastes between the genders. Girls prefer “affectionate” gifts like flowers and surprises, whereas men, and I think I’m speaking for all of us on this, generally prefer more utilitarian gifts (e.g. something we can use). While it would be pretty cool to receive a little killing machine in a vase, like a venus fly trap, guys just generally aren’t going to be too impressed with a plant unless it serves some function. I think the vegetable, herb, or fruit-bearing plant might be a good idea IF the guy enjoys gardening or raising his own food. But you really can never fail with a good gadget or hand tool. Even guys who don’t work with tools appreciate them (just like girls who don’t know the age-old Language of Flowers love flowers).
Taylor says: I dated a guy who liked to cook, so he got some potted basil and an ITunes Card.
It was useful, and the ITunes card was what he could tell his friends he got. :p
If you’re gonna give “flowers”… make it “in addition” to something he’d like.
*T*
Dominic says: I voted no, and wanted to let women know about another gift they should never give to a man: stuffed animals! (Sorry if this was already mentioned; I did not read all the comments)
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