The dust has barely settled on the events that went down this morning in a Delaware courtroom, as the Hunter Biden sweetheart plea deal imploded at the last second in front of the judge.

Of all the things that could have happened, what DID happen sounds almost too insane for fiction. It was supposed to be simple – Hunter Biden would plead guilty to his two tax misdemeanor charges, accept a diversion program to avoid the gun charge, and walk back out of the courtroom a free man with the blessing of Merrick Garland’s Department of Justice and the halo of the Biden name hanging over him.

But from the get-go, today’s hearing had shenanigans, beginning with the call from “Jessica Bengels” to the clerk of the court to have an amicus curiae brief that had been filed on behalf of the House Ways and Means Committee chair, Representative Jason Smith, removed from the docket. Immediately, as Nina wrote on earlier, dirty tricks seemed to be afoot, as Jessica Bengels is affiliated with the DEFENSE legal team’s firm, not the firm filing on behalf of Rep. Smith. This, as you can guess, did not make Judge Maryellen Noreika very happy, and she wanted some explanations.

But between the court shenanigans, the plea deal itself, and the whole hoopla, the judge was apparently fed up.

Again from NYT's Glenn Thrush reporting from the courtroom: "From the start, the judge seemed highly skeptical of the unusual deal — which offered Hunter Biden broad immunity from prosecution in perpetuity, questioning why it had been filed under a provision that gave her no…

— Sol Wisenberg (@WisenbergSol) July 26, 2023

You are reading that right. Apparently, this deal had been structured in order to give Hunter Biden immunity for EVERYTHING. The plea deal then collapsed, and Twitter was following it in real time as the whole house of cards fell apart. With the plea deal gone, Hunter Biden – who had just told the judge that he intended to plead guilty – changed his tune.

ANTOHER twist 🚨🚨– Hunter Biden is pleading NOT GUILTY after the judge refused to accept the plea agreement between prosecutors and Hunter's legal team.

WOW. pic.twitter.com/nrvuV7wt0y

— Curtis Houck (@CurtisHouck) July 26, 2023

Apparently, Hunter Biden isn’t interested in just pleading guilty if it’s only going to cover a limited amount of his legal problems. And the judge wants more details, regardless.

Ultimately, Hunter Biden pleaded not guilty because Noreika could not accept the plea deal as it was constructed. She repeatedly expressed her concerns about the constitutionality of the diversion deal related to the felony gun charge, specifying that the main issue with the agreement was that if Hunter breached the deal, the judge would need to make a finding of fact on the matter before the government could bring charges.”

Judge Noreika said she saw that as being “outside of my lane,” noting that if the diversion agreement might be unconstitutional, then the entire plea deal would be unconstitutional, meaning that Hunter Biden would not be getting the immunity he thought.”

The diversion was an agreement in which the government would not charge Hunter Biden with the more serious federal gun charge—if he pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor tax charges—and behaved under certain terms of the agreement for a period of approximately 24 months. If Hunter Biden breached the diversion, the government would try to bring the serious gun charge against him.”

At that point, the government would bring that information to the judge, and the judge would be required to determine whether charges should be brought—that was the portion of the diversion which Noreika rejected, saying that would be unconstitutional, as charging decisions are made by the executive branch, not the judicial branch.”

Meanwhile, the judge apologized to Hunter Biden near the end of the hearing.”

“Mr. Biden, I know you want to get this over with, and I’m sorry,” Noreika said. “But I need to get more information to do Justice as I’m required to do.”

The judge asked for briefings from both sides, but did not set a firm date.”

And in the meantime, Hunter Biden has a few conditions that he must meet while he’s out and about.

Hunter Biden’s conditions of release include: he must not consume alcohol or prohibited drugs, or possess a firearm, must submit to random drug tests as required, must actively seek employment and not violate any laws. pic.twitter.com/bw0uFH67EI

— Miranda Devine (@mirandadevine) July 26, 2023

“Continue or actively seek employment”??? Quick, get him to the art studio to get a few more fingerpaintings out of him! Also, notice that he can’t have alcohol or “prohibited drugs”? Now we know why the Secret Service gave up trying to find out whose cocaine that was, because Team Hunter was depending on that plea deal to make all his legal problems go away.

Well, the Hunter Biden legal drama will continue, which means the headaches – and day drinking – will continue for the White House.

Well, Karine Jean-Pierre can claim that “Hunter Biden is a private citizen,” but private citizens don’t get Secret Service protection, or get to live at the White House, or have a motorcade take them to court for a “personal matter.”

Why does he have a motorcade? https://t.co/FMKVizJkrk

— Stephen L. Miller (@redsteeze) July 26, 2023

Law professor Jonathan Turley, for his part, says that this is all on the DOJ.

This is really a case of the Department of Justice being hoisted on its own petard, because the Justice Department needs to say that there’s an ongoing investigation to stop giving information, holding back witnesses to Congress. They need that element. But this judge immediately called them on it and said, ‘well, what is it?’ The Hunter Biden team said publicly that they believe this was a closed-out plea agreement, which is what I would have negotiated as defense counsel. There is no way I would agree to a plea agreement where we didn’t close out the charges. Otherwise, you’ve got Damocles’ sword hanging over your client’s head. And the Hunter Biden people said, ‘that was our understanding. There’s nothing further involving our client.’ But that’s inconsistent with the DOJ, which is using the ongoing element to hold off Congress. And so this is really a problem of the DOJ’s making. They want to cap off this case and end it, but they also want to pretend that it’s ongoing. And you can’t have that ambiguity with a federal judge.

So, the DOJ was trying to be too clever by half, with Schrödinger’s plea deal (It’s done! It’s ongoing!) and they got caught. Considering how they were going to let Hunter Biden off with a slap on the wrist, it serves them absolutely right.

Now, Hunter may still walk away with his slap on the wrist, but not before the DOJ gets called to account for how they structured this sweetheart plea deal for him. Hang on, kids – this ride isn’t over yet.

Featured image: original Victory Girls art by Darleen Click