Originally posted at David Horowitz’s Newsreal:
There’s a new nightmare on the block for femisogynist moms. Now that they’re all grown up and settled down with teenage daughters of their own, they’re shocked to find out that the sexual empowerment they’ve been championing for decades has backfired on them. How has it backfired? Well, the femisogynist moms are finding out that sexual empowerment has really turned their daughters into slutty teens.
Canadian magazine Maclean’s examined the phenomenon in a controversial article titled “Outraged Moms, Trashy Daughters: How did those steeped in the women’s lib movement produce girls who think being a sex object is powerful?” Confused moms who label themselves as feminists can’t understand why their daughters label themselves as sex objects, sleep around, and demean themselves yet call it empowerment.
But the generation that grew up reading Our Bodies, Ourselves is most apoplectic over what they see as the unrelenting pressure on girls to be sexual, and not on their own terms. “I’m so deeply pained to see where women are today and how girls—and I mean girls—are being groomed to believe their purpose in life is to be sexual beings that please men,” says Nancy Vonk, the co-chief creative officer of Ogilvy & Mather in Toronto and the mother of a 16-year-old daughter. Vonk recalls wearing satin hot pants when she was 15. “But it was a different time,” she says. “Back then there was at least equal premium put on intellect and what was in your head. It was the opposite of ‘Go out and please men.’ ”
Kate Lloyd, the director of program and service development for the Learning Disabilities Association of Ontario and an academic coach to teenage girls, says the heightened sexual activity concerns her. “A blow job is just like shaking hands. It’s ridiculous,” she says. “But their attitude is: ‘We’re emancipated; we’re liberated; we’re in control, don’t worry.’ They see being able to hold that type of sexual behaviour over the boys as power; I see it as giving their power away.” But one 19-year-old girl sees the double standard facing girls as more complex. “If men have a lot of sex it’s a good thing, but if women have a lot of sex it’s a bad thing,” she says. “Men have a biological imperative to spread their genes. But that should not be a reason to control women.”
So basically, the 60s era of sexual empowerment was OK, because they weren’t trying to “please men”. They were taking control of their own sexuality. Wearing skanky hot pants was groovy back then. But these girls, they’re just sleeping around! They dress like whores! They’re slaves to the men!
It was just fine for the femisogynists to dress and act like sluts when they were growing up. It’s not OK for their daughters to do it, though. What’s the difference to them, though? And why are they so confused about how it happened?
One culprit for why girls are so hyper-sexualized these days can be traced right back to the extreme sex education being taught in our schools, with the charge being led by femisogynists to keep the sex ed coming. Girls have been taught by the adults in their lives to embrace their sexuality, have been lovingly encouraged to explore their sex lives in new and innovative ways. The feminist extremists gush about the brilliance of giving their daughters vibrators, they teach middle schoolers how to have good sex. Planned Parenthood distributes sexually explicit brochures to Girl Scouts and teach 10-year-olds about anal sex. Children are inundated about sex from extremely young ages about sex, something that the femisogynists encourage, and yet they can’t understand why teenage girls are sleeping around?
Consider how one feminist blog recently praised the sex ed programs in the Netherlands. What exactly does this consist of? Pretty much exactly what you would expect.
Next year, 12-year-old Sasha explains to me, they will learn how to put a condom on a broomstick (she says this without a trace of embarrassment, just a polite smile). Across the city, nine-year-old Marcus, who lives in a beautiful 18th-century house on a canal, has been watching a cartoon showing him how to masturbate. His sister, 11, has been writing an essay on reproduction and knows that it is legal for two consenting 12-year-olds to make love. Her favourite magazine, Girls, gives advice on techniques in bed, and her parents sometimes allow her to stay up to see a baby being born on the birthing channel.
Then there is Yuri, 16, who explains to me in perfect English that “anal sex hurts at the beginning but if you persevere it can be very pleasurable.” When I ask whether he is gay, he says “no” but he has watched a documentary on the subject with his parents.
This kind of sex ed is apparently going to be compulsory for all children beginning at the age of 5 this year in the Netherlands, and this program is being praised as the kind of program we need in the United States.
When this is what we are teaching our daughters, then how can there be any surprise when they turn out to be putting that knowledge to very good use? The other problem is that we have given our children a complete lack of boundaries when it comes to sex. Take abstinence before marriage, for example. It has become socially unacceptable for parents to tell their children to wait until they’re married to have sex. It’s not the “cool” thing to do, just like it isn’t “cool” to expect your high-schoolers not to drink. They’re going to do it anyways, so might as well teach them to be safe, right? But here’s a question.
If we take away the boundary of abstinence before marriage, then what’s the next boundary? 18? OK, so maybe that’s too old. Let’s say 16. But what if the teen says they’re ready for sex at 15? What about 14? Or 13? Where do you draw the line? The reality is that there has to be a line drawn somewhere. It is inappropriate for children to be having sex, but we’ve been indoctrinating our children that sex is OK for decades.
And we’ve also been indoctrinating girls to believe in some other harmful things as well.
The femisogynists gender bigots have been trying fervently to brainwash girls that men are oppressors, that the male patriarchy is trying to keep them down, and that chivalry is sexist. Forget restricting sex to marriage — if you believe all of that, you don’t even need to restrict sex to love. Nowhere in the article did any of the mothers even mention the words “love”, “marriage” or “family.”
The fascist feminists have been engaged in serious social engineering over the past few decades, subverting marriage and family. The word “father” is also noticeably absent. Femisogynists have tried very hard to make sure that fathers no longer have any say in a girl’s sexuality. But now that some of those activists have grown up and started families of their own, they’re realizing that they maybe don’t like the results so much.
And of course, we can’t forget about abortion. Abortion opened the door to sex with no consequences. It opened the door to men being able to use women and not have to deal with the responsibility of the possibility of a child. We let the sex genie out of the bottle, and for a while, femisogynists cheered it. But it seems like some of the femisogynists moms aren’t liking what they’re seeing.
It used to be that men had to prove their love and commitment before having sex. But femisogynists instead told women that they were better than that, that having sex like men made you empowered. Decades later, we’re seeing the results of this social experiment.
It’s ironic, isn’t it, that the very people who manufactured the social experiment are now the ones complaining about how it all turned out — and, as usual, taking absolutely no responsibility for the disaster.
I suspect that these “trashy” teens have discovered that they have, actual physical power over men. It seems that their moms have forgotten the old saw of if you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will soon follow.
Haha. It always makes me wonder if the young adults who ridicule abstinance and consider it backward and unenlightened are going to feel that way when they have teenage daughters 😉
Cassy, to be very, VERY blunt about this, it is difficult to take you seriously when you post on these matters, given your personal details and the sexualized pictures of yourself you’ve chosen to plaster on your blog. It smacks of “good for me, not for thee”-ism. When you stop sleeping with a man to whom you’re not married, when you stop waving your boobs around for blog traffic–that’s when I’ll start taking your anti-slut jeremiads seriously. I suspect that’s true for any young women you might want to reach, as well, which as we both know is the more important point to be made here.
who ridicule abstinance and consider it backward and unenlightened are going to feel that way when they have teenage daughters
Of course not. Remember, every generation feels that they discovered the pleasures of sex. Oh, sure, mom & dad engaged sexual intercourse, but that was only to have kids.
And yes, they’ll have a cow when their daughters get to be near their teen years.
J, you moron (and not in a good way). Cassy is a grown woman above the age of consent. These children may behave how they like once they reach the age of consent.
Until then, they need to be mindful of their parents.
First of all, my apologies for my incorrect assumption re: your marital status. I’ve visited this blog only twice (the sexualized pictures being a bit of a turn-off), but I recalled your making the statement that you had fallen short of the ideal of celibacy until marriage. Again, my mistake. I’ll still contend (pace, I R A Darth Aggie) that it’s not an especially impressive argument you’re making while displaying your goods. Is there a difference of moral degree between sexualizing yourself pictorially and sexualizing yourself physiologically? Obviously so, although if you’re a Christian there’s the matter of lust equating to adultery, as Jesus said.
Nevertheless, that was not my point, was it? My point was the cognitive dissonance of saying to young girls, “It’s not appropriate for you to throw yourselves at men,” while you put yourself on display. It’s not a persuasive argument when presented that way, anymore than Charlie Sheen making a persuasive argument for domestic tranquility as a morally preferable lifestyle. There’s a lack of credibility that needs to be addressed. You can dress however you want, to the extent of showing off your body. You can make moral arguments regarding sexuality in American culture. But what I’m hoping you’ll honestly consider is that you may have to make a choice between the two if you want to be taken seriously.
Gee wouldn’t it be nice to go back to the days when women were assigned only to the kitchen and kept basically barefoot and pregnant?
Seriously, though, there is a BIG gap in between the ultra conservative view of how woman should act and how the ultra left feminists view it. That BIG gap is where most of us live. There is nothing wrong with empowering young women to be open about their sexuality as long as one explains the consequences and the responsibilities that goes with it. Plenty of young women on the right engage in sex and even have kids before marriage. [Palin’s daughter for instance]. But you are simply taking anecdotal evidence among ultra feminists as a tool to support your particular political view. Most young women in America are smart enough to look out for themselves and if they don’t – well then they become women quickly and then have to teach their daughters what they learned.
In short, it’s all good. Life goes on. But I would rather have women having the option to control their own destiny than have men doing that – which was how it was for thousands of years.
Great J. Did you notice the registry for Bed Bath and Beyond and Target between those two pictures? Go ahead and hit one of them, preferably the Target store – they’ve been getting hassled lately over a bunch of nothing as well.
What you are suggesting is that the photos that Cassie has of herself are sexually suggestive and give one cause to think of sexual promiscuity.
Hmm. Looks like good company to me. I could imagine some lucky fella having an enjoyable time watching a baseball game. The other one looks to me like a nice girl at the beach. The words that come to mind are winsome and appealing.
Those photos should suggest femininity. They should not suggest promiscuity. They never have for me, anyway. I do not think she needs to be pictured at all, but if she chooses to, I do not believe she is confined to wearing turtleneck sweaters at the beach to place herself in position to make a case for changing the way sex is discussed and treated in our current culture.
“the sexualized pictures of yourself you’ve chosen to plaster on your blog”
Lol. You should go to the beach sometime, your eyes might just pop out of your head.
Big difference between a grown woman wearing a bikini and a 12 year old girl whoring herself out.
“Most young women in America are smart enough to look out for themselves and if they don’t – well then they become women quickly and then have to teach their daughters what they learned.”
Matt, most young people are not smart enough to look out for themselves, and in the case of young women, there are all kinds of problems that stem from making poor decisions at an early age. That is the point of the piece – that young people are harming themselves, which is obvious to their mothers but not to the daughters, and Cassie suggests it stems from a wrong headed understanding about freedom and sexuality that came to the fore thirty ago, promoted and pushed by those very same women.
“In short, it’s all good. Life goes on.”
It isn’t all good, and sometimes life doesn’t even go on. Sometimes it is changed tragically and irreversibly. Sometimes it ends abruptly and tragically. Wanting something good for your children is the natural way of the world. The hard part is attempting to discover where the problem arose. In this case it requires a hard look into the mirror.
“But I would rather have women having the option to control their own destiny than have men doing that – which was how it was for thousands of years.”
Please. The hyper-sexualization and objectification of women is not a mark of liberation and freedom and self-empowerment. She is saying that women have choked down a load of drivel, by their own misguided choosing, and that this is tragic, not triumphant.
Re: Nicholas and kirroth. Are you two seriously suggesting–in the Age of Internet Pornography–that sexuality has no visual component? In the comments section of the only other article I’ve read on this blog, a commenter noted how well Cassie filled out a bathing suit. Winsome and appealing? Certainly, if by that you mean sexually available. Cassie and the vast majority of American women (and increasingly, men) walking around in various stages of undress these days undoubtedly do not MEAN that they are literally sexually available. But that is not the message they are sending, particularly to young girls who discover very quickly that letting it all hang out like mommy does seems to have quite an effect on the little boys. We will never change the ridiculously sexualized state of our kids until we become willing to sacrifice our blind obedience to the conventions of dress (or lack thereof) that our culture has established. And yes, men should be willing to respect women enough to avert their eyes when a woman doesn’t have the good sense to clothe herself. I personally make that choice every time I go out in public, even to the beach. We should be willing to make that kind of difficult decision. Anyway, I won’t waste any more of anyone’s time on this subject, important though it may be. Just wanted to underscore the mixed signals being sent here…
J, I will form my own sentences, and choose the words for them while I’m at it. I am not suggesting that sexuality does not have a visual component. Look, based on the visual clues available here, I would conclude Cassy is an appealing young woman, winsome certainly, looks like a fun gal to spend time with, good company, and oh, by the way, completely and utterly unavailable to me. As to that lucky dog of a husband of hers, I am inclined to believe his circumstances have been different. I find the beach photo to be appealing. As to the other, I don’t really watch much baseball.
If I am following you correctly, you are saying that though her point may be right on the money, she is less effective as an advocate because she has a certain amount of appeal, visually. You find the photos to be hyper-sexualized.
I do not find the photos to be hyper-sexualized, and if one was to focus on her sidebar photos I would say she actually makes her case effectively by showing that being appealing is not the same as being available. To be appealing visually is not something to be ashamed of.
“And yes, men should be willing to respect women enough to avert their eyes when a woman doesn’t have the good sense to clothe herself.”
Yes we should. It is not only good manners, but it protects you from placing yourself at a moral disadvantage to the woman in question. It is never a positive to be caught staring.
In terms of Cassy’s presentation, I see we will not readily agree. However, as to her message, I know your comments stem from the same concern over our cultural decline, and the increasingly dangerous and unbalanced environment our daughters are raised in.
On that I am with you wholeheartedly.
Cassy – completely agree. Interesting set of comments there….as I have said before: feminists seem to be perfectly content yanking the “Sexual object” bat out of mens’ hands that women have been getting hit with for the last 10,000 years and instead of throwing the stick away, they beat themselves over the head with it instead. And then wonder where the headaches are coming from….this isn’t actually that different from Rome (Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire – read about Empress Theodora…yikes!)
I don’t understand; if you’re married already, why do you have gift registries, which place your wedding date in 2011? Why would you even have gift registries if you were already married?
In the comments section of the only other article I’ve read on this blog, a commenter noted how well Cassie filled out a bathing suit. Winsome and appealing? Certainly, if by that you mean sexually available. Cassie and the vast majority of American women (and increasingly, men) walking around in various stages of undress these days undoubtedly do not MEAN that they are literally sexually available.
Oh, please. The issue is not what Cassy is wearing, but the fact that she looks cute in it. If she put on a potato sack, you would mock her for being a total prude. She has pictures up of her in totally normal, cute clothing that is appropriate for a woman in her early/mid 20s.
Furthermore, give the “Cassy didn’t wait until marriage, so she can’t say that it’s an ideal” bull a rest. Seriously. I come from the other side of this, and I know that every liberal tells me, “Well, Roxeanne, what works for you doesn’t work for other women.” There is no way that a conservative can have a personal history that does not lend itself to attack from a liberal. Odd, considering that they think that we shouldn’t judge anyone on their sexual decision-making, but feel free to rip us apart for ours. (Mentioning Bristol Palin is just a perfect example of this.)
Now, for the normal people here, an analogy: I did not always get straight As, but fully maintain that it’s a good standard to reach for. I didn’t always come in the top 10% of my law school class each semester, but I damn well tried. Failing in those goals doesn’t make me a failure, nor a hypocrite: it makes me someone who is better for trying – and who had a 0% shot of success without having those goals. The same goes for sexuality.
“Re: Nicholas and kirroth. Are you two seriously suggesting–in the Age of Internet Pornography–that sexuality has no visual component? ”
Are you seriously suggesting that a picture of a woman wearing a bikini is pornography?
“And yes, men should be willing to respect women enough to avert their eyes when a woman doesn’t have the good sense to clothe herself.”
Again, bikini. BIKINI! This isn’t a Muslim country, what’s your issue?
nicholas
I’ll stick with my original comment. “Most young women in America are smart enough to look out for themselves”. You seem to think I use the word ‘most’ to mean ‘all’. I do think a majority of young women can and do look out for themselves. Sure, a few do not and get into trouble. Just like some young men. That is normal and has been since the dawn of man. But every time conservatives see young women doing something they don’t like they have to point to liberals as the culpret. It’s absurd. If you want to lock up your daughters, turn off the TV and live in a cabin in the country then fine. But I’ll tell you what, young woman from every background you can imagine do explore their sexuality. Yes, even women from very conservative backgrounds. But so what? Some may get pregnant. Is that really a serious issue? Most grow up just fine and learn from their mistakes.
Matt, Cassy is commenting on an article in McLeans titled “Outraged Moms, Trashy Daughters: How did those steeped in the women’s lib movement produce girls who think being a sex object is powerful?” which speaks about how women who were active in the feminist movement are shocked… shocked to discover their daughter’s liberal views about sexual activity. The moms believe those views trivialize and degrade their daughters. Cassy attempted to point out that those views were a natural progression from the attitudes that those very women brought to the fore. Thus, it is not conservatives Cassy is speaking of, it is liberals.
For any kind of issue that may carry long term consequences (drug use, drinking and driving, getting into trouble with the law, becoming pregnant, contracting sexually transmitted diseases, devaluing and losing respect for yourself) children tend to take a short term view that does not take into account the possible negative outcomes. Whether it strikes you that way or not, becoming sexually active at an early age has negative consequences, especially for girls. It struck Cassy as ironic that the so-called feminists would just now be discovering that.
I think you are too optimistic. Cassy is right, it is ironic, and rather sad. Roxeanne de Luca developed the same idea a little further here. I invite you to check it out.
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