Ivy League (cough), Columbia University students are learning a hard lesson about their actions and consequences.

A recent e-mail, dated February 9, made mention of a location change for Columbia’s commencement ceremonies in the spring. The event, will not happen in the usual location, the Morningside campus’ Low Steps, but at their “pedestrian” (student’s words, not more), Robert K. Kraft Field.

Students are not happy. They say they are being “punished”, even. Pure “evil”, they say.

This is what happens when you FA, kids. You FO. The thoughts of promoting Hamas and “pure evil” did not even come across their big ol’ brains when they were locking themselves inside of buildings and demanding water and an Uber Eats pizza.

The backlash was immediate. Within hours of the University’s announcement, students flooded Columbia’s corresponding Instagram post with criticism, filling the comment section with objections to the move uptown. ‘This is wrong, unfair,’ one wrote. ‘Truly disrespectful,’ another added. By the next day, students circulated a petition that urged the University to reverse its decision. The petition has since garnered over 1,500 signatures.”-Sydney Lee, The Colombia Spectator

Since the days of protest, the University has cracked down on campus security and now requires all guests to be registered for access to the Morningside campus. Why? See exhibit in the video above. Pass the Kleenex, though, because tears are falling from the General Studies majors who skipped class to hang out in a tent for part of a semester.

Especially the last few years, most of us have not been able to have our family come on campus. To know that our last moments as Columbia students wouldn’t be on Columbia’s campus felt really sad and disappointing.”-Columbia Student

Awww. My heart breaks. All of a sudden, these nitwits see the value of family? I thought these future comrades think family is a racist construct? They won’t be doing their tassel flips near the rotunda. On the low stairs. This is the Instagram moment they’ve dreamed of and now, they are being robbed of that joy. They will be sitting in bleachers on a (GASP) football field like most college graduates in the spring. But they are not like most college grads, you see. They are from Columbiuhhhhh. They are special.

Columbia shifting the ceremony isn’t ‘evil’ — it’s the predictable result of months of disruptions. Universities can’t function when activism replaces academics.

— Matthew Newgarden (@a_newgarden) February 20, 2026

It’s disrespectful to the student body. We’ve all put in so much hard work at least four years here, and we deserve to feel like we’re being honored and celebrated and respected by the university.”-Barnard pre-med student Vivian Carmody

Perhaps the student body should have been more respectful to fellow students who are Jewish? Just spitballing here, Viv. I would also venture to say that perhaps, in this girl’s defense as a pre-med student and not a lesbian dance theory major, Vivian put in some work and maybe, she wasn’t part of the jackassery. But, let this be a lesson to young people across the land that the bad behavior of some leads to consequences for others.

This is why you can’t have the nice things, little children.

Baker is a location that is frustratingly foreign. I want to graduate on the same campus. I want to bring my family to the place I spent so much time at.”-Columbia Student, ‘Emily’“

Oh, Emily! Wanna go to a place that is “frustratingly foreign”? Can we drop her somewhere in the Middle East for a few days before commencement? Please?

Yeah man why not just have the culmination of the ivy league experience be walking around a turf football field.”-Columbia Student, ‘Griffin'”

You, pretentious, elitist, little worm. Getting into and going to an Ivy and receiving a diploma from said Ivy is a damn privilege. Yeah, man. A football field! This little brat is pissed because he has to walk on turf?! A degree from Columbia-obtained on either a football field or near a rotunda-will open doors even for the snobby, socially awkward, pasty, white guy from old New England money, who can’t spell and has a clammy handshake. I’ve seen this firsthand. I’m wondering if Uber Eats can deliver “Griffin” some suck-it-up soup? Hell, I’ll even buy him some!

The fact that we are denied the one thing that just about everyone was looking forward to—the symbolic transformation of our relationship with this university—it feels like we are being denied what we are owed.”-Adam Kinder, Columbia ’26

Adam, here’s another valuable life lesson to learn. No one owes you jack squat. Remember this as you take your first shot at the workforce after your Columbia departure. You and your parents, however, will owe lots of money after your feet glide over the turf (snicker) on a (scoff) football field like the rest of the undergrad peasants who are walking in the spring. Yep, most of these commencements are at-wait for it-STADIUMS. You guys are NOT that special. Not at all.

Protesters shut down campuses for months, disrupt classes, occupy buildings… Columbia moves the ceremony and suddenly they’re the victims. Incredible self‑awareness on display.

— Matthew Newgarden (@a_newgarden) February 20, 2026

Vivian Cormody started an online petition to move the commencement ceremony back to Columbia’s traditional rotunda and low stairs on Morningside because, to some participating in commencement this spring, Morningside is “home”.

Perhaps, some of these little darlings shouldn’t have desecrated their “home” with tents and trash and violence if they felt so strongly about it. Respect is a two-way street. There it is. Another life lesson y’all did not have to fork out $100,000+ a year for.

Rotunda or football field, these students, some (not all) who are insufferable little stinkards, will graduate this spring and enter the world.

Keffiyehs optional at Baker, Comrades.

Featured Image: Abbad Diraneyya/Wikimedia Commons.org/cropped/Public Domain